


jinsoul: a chaotic love story

by kimlipssi



Series: #StopLipsoulAngst2020 [3]
Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Love at First Sight, Yes I'm going there, and so smitten, i guess, jinsoul is adorable, jinsoul is gonna have an ouchie okay just deal with it, just an advanced warning, minor chuuyves, they're still endgame, this is literally a prequel so dont attack me, this one.......will not be as simple, you cant stop me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 74,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22085284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimlipssi/pseuds/kimlipssi
Summary: a collection of fics and one-shots in modern-day setting. these stories will all take place in the same au jumping in and out of the different stages of LipSoul's relationship. Some tropes to be expected, but fluff is guaranteed. You can trust me, I will never let anything bad happen to these babies.-Jinsoul meets her future wife. Feelings and chaos ensue.
Relationships: Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Series: #StopLipsoulAngst2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586641
Comments: 281
Kudos: 564





	1. WHO is this girl?

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't finalized exactly how many chapters to divide this arc into, most probably 4-5 will be enough. Idk but Jinsoul's POV had me writing in a GOOFY sort of mood....... i kind of love it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a gay panic today

“Welcome to Criminal Psychology 101!” Jinsoul’s voice resonates loudly through the lecture hall. Despite her exterior confidence, one wouldn't be wrong to assume that the girl is nervous, after all she’s just a student in her final year of law school herself. As one of the top performers of her batch, she’s been personally selected by Professor Choi, and entrusted with the reins to lecture this class for the whole semester. It’s a relatively easy course, on which Jinsoul effortlessly scored an A+ despite being shitfaced and blackout drunk on the night of the final when she took the same course last year.

Dressed in a proper suit, neck-tie and all, blonde hair up in a neat pony tail, she’s ready to take this class by storm!

She attempts to ease her nerves the only way she knows best – HUMOR - “I’m Jung Jinsoul, incase anyone can’t read what I’ve written on the board behind me.” A series of scoffs and low chuckles are heard from the middle rows of the teeming 150 student capacity hall. “No, really, my handwriting is bad, and it’s really important that you guys can understand it. To all special needs students in class, I'm sorry.” she says, deadpanning. The response from the class is a bit better this time.

Regaining her confidence, she continues, “I know your time-tables state that this is Professor’s Choi’s class. He assigns CP-101 to one of his student’s every year, so I’d advise the 2nd year law students in this hall to leave a good impression on him, because one of you guys might find yourself in my position next year.”

“I also know that there aren’t only law students here today. The right side of the hall is reserved for Psychology students and Psychology students only. I’ll give you a few minutes to re-arrange yourself incase anyone missed or ignored the signs by the entrance."

With that Jinsoul takes her seat and takes out the evaluation papers she’s prepared, neatly arranging them into a perfectly even pile. Of course, a number of undergrads are busy packing up their bags and books to move to their respective seats. Jinsoul curiously eyes them for a moment, finding the chaotic movement funny for some reason. Her humorous thoughts, however, are rudely interrupted when her eyes land on a certain blonde, dressed in a simple red t-shirt and blue denim shorts, who’s slowly making her way to the section of the hall reserved for psychology students.

 _'WHO is this girl? WHERE is she from? WHAT is her name? IS she single?'_ And alike thoughts run rampant in her brain. She’s so busy drawing a mind-map of how to approach this girl that she fails to realize that the students in front of her are done rearranging their seats and are now anticipating her next instruction.

“Uh…” she stands abruptly, bumping her knee with the desk in front of her. _That’s definitely gonna leave a bruise...._

She’s lost, she’s completely forgotten what she was doing. She spots the blonde again who is now painfully conspicuous to her, and instinctively lowers her gaze when she feels embarrassment creeping onto her features. Luckily for Jinsoul, that’s when she spots the pile of papers on the desk. Snapping back into a composed state, she resumes her class.

“I’ve prepared this simple test to gauge your familiarity and understanding of basic legal, psychology, and overlapping concepts. It’s not scored, don’t worry, but it’ll help me in planning out the course for the two groups of students here, so do try your best.”

Now Jinsoul wasn’t originally planning on personally distributing the papers among the students. But her brain has already been sent into a hay-wired frenzy, so she might as well go ahead. This is the best way to get a closer look at the girl too, she reasons to herself before setting off to her left side.

Carrying the papers, she continues to the class, “Seating is assigned, no one is allowed to change their seats in this class for the remainder of the semester,” She hands some papers to a boy sitting in the front, and gestures pass the excess along the row. She looks up and internally squeals a bit when she sees that the blonde enigma is sitting on a seat which is closest to the aisle. “I want you all to write your names and seat number on the papers before beginning with the test”, she adds the last part for good measure, to make sure she gets her name correctly.

Jinsoul is now standing in the 3rd row right next to the girl, who holds out her left hand to take the papers from her. When Jinsoul hands her the papers, their eyes meet and fingers touch, causing the faintest of an electric shock to run through her body right down to her very toes. Jinsoul is frozen, rooted to the spot like a tree, and she’s staring unabashedly at the most beautiful girl she's ever laid her sinful eyes on. Brown eyes, slender arms, impossibly perfect skin. Jinsoul is so busy committing even the smallest of details about this girl to her memory that the object of her admiration feels the need to fake a cough to snap Jinsoul out of her haze.

“Uh…” Jinsoul stammers again for the second time now. Her eyes land on the glass carefully nestled in the seat’s cupholder. “That’s quite a lot of boba in your tea you got there.”

“Excuse me?” the poor girl is genuinely confused at this point, and looks at the red-headed girl seated to her right, who Jinsoul assumes is the blonde’s friend. Jinsoul’s arm starts to hurt from the weight of the evaluation papers and she suddenly remembers that she’s here to deliver a lecture, not scope out a potential girlfriend!! She unceremoniously hands the papers to one of the law students in the row behind her, and speedily makes her way to the bottom of the hall back to her desk, not even bothering to look back at the mess her panicked gay ass has left behind.

“You have 45 minutes, please leave the papers on my desk before leaving class.”

-

The rest of the class passes by smoothly enough with Jinsoul actively trying and failing to avoid sneaking glances at her new crush. About 30 minutes in, several students have already submitted their papers and left; Jinsoul is delighted when some even exchange small greetings with her. She stifles a squeal again when she notices that the blonde goddess has risen from her seat as well, and is now making her way towards her, friend in tow.

 _Stay calm Jinsoul, don’t panic and DO NOT say a goddamn word. You’ve already embarrassed yourself enough, JUST STAY CALM.._ Jinsoul repeats to herself as a mantra. The girl smiles at Jinsoul as she hands her paper to her. Their fingers don’t brush together this time but Jinsoul’s heart still skips a beat or two. Her friend on the other hand offers Jinsoul a vibrant smile, which she returns but can’t quite match in energy. When they’ve both turned their backs to her, Jinsoul sneakily folds their papers near the edge.. for good measure, she reasons again.

When the class is finally empty, Jinsoul takes out the folded papers from the stack and takes a look.

“Seat C-16: Kim Jungeun.” _that’s quite…. an….. impactful…. name...._ Jinsoul muses, and “Seat C-15: Kim Jiwoo”, _and that’s my way in._

Jinsoul smiles again, satisfied with her determination and patience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did while writing it. The POV will alternate a little but we'll mostly experience this arc as Jinsoul. They're both blonde here and Jungeun is GORJUSS and poor Soullie is practically smitten from the very start. I'm gonna give you guys a hint: Jiwoo is a Lipsoul shipper too. Please let me know if you find any errors, as always comments/kudos are greatly appreciated as I use the UWUs I collect to write more sappy fluff.
> 
> PS. The "determination and patience" bit is a reference to another fandom I follow, I'm curious how many of you catch onto that.
> 
> Bye! and always remember #STOPLIPSOULANGST2020


	2. she has a WHAT?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinsoul bites off more than she can chew

“On a scale of one to ten, exactly how bad is it for a professor to date one of their students?”, Jinsoul asks.

“Oof that’s a level ten bad right there. Unless the teach is hot though, then I guess it’s more like a seven.”

Jinsoul pauses and ponders Sooyoung’s answer. Facing away from the sun, they’re both sprawled on the sidelines of the university football field after a particularly tough practice session. Sooyoung and Jinsoul met for the first time when they were assigned to be roommates by their dorm admins. To say they were close was an understatement - despite knowing each other for only four years now, both were already each other’s closest confidants and the godparents of their respective future children.

“Okay but I’m not even a professor, I’m more like a glorified TA. How about then?” Jinsoul asks again.

“Oh you’re talking about Jungeun? You already asked her out?”

“No, not yet, I’m a little conflicted.” Jinsoul makes an excuse, her heart picking up the pace at the mere mention of the blonde goddess who has plagued her thoughts since their first meeting.

Truth is, Jinsoul has fallen hard for Jungeun, in fact she’s never had it this bad for any of her previous crushes before. It’s so bad that Jinsoul doesn’t think her infatuation with Jungeun even qualifies as a mere crush anymore. Like a parasite it’s taken over her whole life but in the best of ways, and Jinsoul spends every waking moment thinking and daydreaming about Jungeun.

When Jinsoul wakes up in the morning, she thinks about how Jungeun would look like if she were sleeping next to her. When Jinsoul makes her way to class, she thinks about how Jungeun’s hand would feel in her own if she were walking with her. When Jinsoul tells a joke, she thinks about what Jungeun’s laugh would sound like if she heard it too. When Jinsoul eats, she thinks about how Jungeun’s boba-infested abomination of a drink would taste like on her lips if she kissed her. And when Jinsoul lies awake at night, unable to sleep, she thinks about how Jungeun would look if she were pinned under her, how her skin would feel flushed against Jinsoul’s own, how her breath would sound if Jinsoul nipped at her ear, and how the she would taste in other parts of her body if Jinsoul made love to her.

Sooyoung laughs at the pink which has crept across Jinsoul’s face, and both of them know it’s not because of practice. “What’s there to be conflicted about? It’s not like you’ll be grading her papers. Just ask her out.”

Jinsoul is always thankful for her friend’s straightforwardness. Sooyoung might be a bit dull at times, but her head is always in the right place.

“Yeah,” Jinsoul agrees. “What’s there to lose?”

 _A lot, actually._ Jinsoul thinks.

-

It’s been a month since Jinsoul met the woman of her dreams (and waking hours too, to be honest). She lectures her class twice a week. She’s learnt that Jungeun is a quiet person and keeps to herself or her friend Jiwoo. Jinsoul has also learned that Jungeun uses the same red colored pen to take notes in her purple notebook with blue ink. The same red pen that she bites the end of when she doesn’t quite grasp a topic that Jinsoul is expounding on. It doesn’t happen often, but Jinsoul is quick to elaborate or repeat herself when it does.

Jinsoul is desperate to talk to her, which is made difficult by the fact that her and Jiwoo are usually one of the last students to arrive and one of the earliest to leave. She could use her “glorified TA” position to find out her phone number but that would be too creepy, let alone an abuse of her position and an invasion of Jungeun’s privacy. So, she resorts to the next best thing, i-e, asking both girls to hang back after class to “discuss some problems in your assignments”.

She does this regularly, so much that it has become a habit for the two students to come and greet Jinsoul at her desk before leaving for their next class or break. Thanks to these moments, Jinsoul has learned that both Jiwoo and Jungeun are roughly two years younger than her, that they're both from the same hometown, and have been by each other’s sides since they were children. Most of this information was volunteered by Jiwoo _of course_ , with Jungeun usually adding corroborative nods and _‘yeahs’_ as Jiwoo excitedly goes on about their childish exploits. The three of them are almost friends at this point.

Jungeun and Jiwoo stick to each other, like all the time. It’s adorable because their friendship is so _goals_ and it’s frustrating because Jinsoul can’t get a moment alone with the blonde bombshell. And she’s tried, she’s scoped out Jungeun on campus grounds, in the university cafes, in the library, and even in the gym - but she’s always accompanied by Jiwoo. It’s so ridiculously difficult to chance upon a solitary Jungeun, that Jinsoul worriedly confesses to Sooyoung that the two ’99 liners might actually be dating each other.

Sooyoung only laughs in response, “Yeah that could be true….. only if I weren’t taking Jiwoo out for coffee tomorrow.” She adds, winking at Jinsoul, and taking a swig from her beer.

“…..You’ve got to be kidding me.”, Jinsoul breathes incredulously.

“Nope. You’re just losing your touch bro.”

Jinsoul can only sigh. So she sighs.

“That bad, huh?”

“Terrible. You have no idea.”

“Actually I do, and I’m gonna do you solid. Since I’ll be with Jiwoo tomorrow, that means Jungeun will be by herself. I’ll try to find out what she’s up to and text you. Just be ready.”

“Sooyoung I-“, Jinsoul stammers, she couldn’t have asked for a better friend. She’s about to cry.

“Unless she’s on a date of her own, just saying”, the black-haired girl quickly warns.

“Shut up.”

-

Jinsoul is more nervous about Sooyoung’s date than Sooyoung is. She quickly ushers the other girl out of their shared dorm before overthinking about what to wear to a _potential_ date with Jungeun. She changes her outfits at least three times before settling on the perfect ‘oh-i-didn’t-expect-to-see-you-here-do-you-wanna-hang-out’ look, which according to her is a simple black sweatshirt with matching skirt. She paces around the dorm waiting for Sooyoung’s text. _What if she really is on a date? What if I waited too long and now, she thinks I’m not interested? What if-_

Jinsoul’s phone dings, and like a cat chasing a mouse, she practically pounces after it. She squeals because all Sooyoung’s text says is _“Library.”_

She promises to buy Sooyoung some pizza before bolting through the door.

-

Jinsoul reaches the library in record time, already having planned out a strategy to quickly track down Jungeun without wasting too much time along the way. She checks her outfit and hair in the glass door of the library entrance before entering and-

There she is. Dressed a simple white top speckled with tiny blue flowers and paired with light blue denim pants, Jungeun stands close to the reception reading something off her phone. Delighted is an understatement, Jinsoul is ELATED to have finally found her blonde beloved by herself. But then Jinsoul is also nervous because she wracked her brain so hard developing her “locate Jungeun strategy”, that she forgot to plan on what to actually say to the girl when she’d eventually find her. _Should I approach her casually? Should I crack a joke?_

“Hey!” she settles, moving closer to Jungeun.

Jungeun turns to her, a smile blooming across her features. Jinsoul beams a little more when she sees the other girl is _happy_ to see her??? and swallows the lump in her throat when she notices Jungeun’s shirt allows for an enticing peak at the younger girl’s shoulders and abdomen. Jinsoul decides she’s going to dream about it tonight.

“Oh Jinsoul-ssi, I wasn’t expecting to meet you here”, Jungeun greets her with a little bow, tucking her hair back behind her left ear once standing up straight.

Jinsoul is a little perturbed (just a little) by the formal tone of Jungeun's words. She would've much more preferred a casual "unni" if Jungeun was the type to insist on using honorifics. Anything would've been better than one that declares both of them as mere colleagues, and Jinsoul would've been offended at Jungeun’s tone if she wasn’t so smitten by her already. But that doesn't stop her from wanting to complain about giving Jungeun special treatment in class only to be on the receiving end of such reserved and almost cold behavior in return.

“Jungeun, you hurt me by being so formal, I thought we were friends? Please just call me Jinsoul.” is what she says instead. Coolly.

Jungeun laughs, “Ah! Yes, okay”, and bites her lower lip a little while casting the older girl a shy smile and ducks her head down in embarrassment.

 _Wait._ Jinsoul blinks. She wracks her brain again, trying to figure out what just happened. Because _that_. That looked like flirting.

Quickly regaining her composure, she tries again, “So what are you doing here? Anything I can help with?”

“Actually, yes. Yes, you can.” Jinsoul perks up at the reply. “I’m looking for a book for CP-101. Since you’ve been refusing to accept our assignments, I thought maybe I’d do a bit more research. But sadly, it’s been checked out.”

Jinsoul feels a little guilty at that. There’s nothing wrong with Jungeun’s assignment or Jiwoo’s, she just used it as an excuse for her own self-indulgence, not realizing it would cause either of them so much trouble.

“Which book is it?” Jinsoul inquires, burying her guilt because even if it was a shitty plan, the shitty plan is working.

“Inside the Criminal Mind by Stanton Samenow”, Jungeun states plainly.

Jinsoul closes her eyes and thanks the heavens above, because all her patience and determination is finally paying off. She decides she’ll buy two pizzas for Sooyoung instead of just one.

“I actually have that with me in my dorm, it’s what I use to prep the lectures.”

“Yeah, I saw it on your desk, that’s why I came here.” Jungeun gives her a playful _look._

Oh! Realizing that Jungeun’s been keeping an eye on her just like she was with the younger girl made Jinsoul feel a bit warm. And she was absolutely positive it wasn’t the weather.

“Um..” Jinsoul is stammering again, “You can borrow it from me till the next class… If you don’t mind walking with me to my dorm.”

“I’d love that, actually.”

_What bit??? The me offering to help bit?? The walking to dorm bit??_

Jinsoul silently groans to herself, and wishes she knew exactly what Jungeun meant.

-

It took Jinsoul about five minutes to race to the library earlier, but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t walk languidly enough to at least take half an hour to cover the same distance now that Jungeun was walking next to her. They’re both enjoying a crisp autumn breeze when Jinsoul breaks the silence again.

“You never answered my question by the way,”

“Excuse me?” Jungeun turns to her.

“The amount of boba in your tea.” Jinsoul teases.

“Oh,” Jungeun laughs again, her ears reddening slightly. “I just like it that way, what’s milk tea without the pearls?” she throws a question back at her.

“Okay, I respect that.”

“Mhmm, and I don’t think it’s my professor’s business anyways what I put in my tea no matter how cute they are.”

Jinsoul freezes again. Now _THAT._ That was definitely flirting _._

Normally, she’d be over the moon at the compliment. But this wasn’t just any compliment, it came from Jungeun, from the girl she’s been utterly enamored with for weeks! It came from her!!!! directly!!!

Jinsoul chuckles a little trying to play down the fact that Jungeun’s little quip had absolutely wrecked her to her core. “Again, I’m not your professor”, she complains… but only a little.

“Of course you’re not. What sort of professor would be checking out one of their students in class? Let alone stalk them to the library after having their best friend track them down?"

No thoughts. Head Empty.

Jinsoul is so shocked she can’t even stutter. “How?” she croaks.

“Jiwoo is like my sister. You really think she wouldn’t tell me that Sooyoung was asking about me?”

Hook.

“And she saw Sooyoung texting ‘Library’ to someone.”

Line.

“Remember when I said I wasn’t expecting you back there? I lied.”

And sinker.

“I was just reading her text when you showed up.”

This day really went from one of the best to the absolute worst ever. Jinsoul can’t believe it, all flawed attempts at wooing Jungeun have just been laid out in front of her with a cruel and mortifying accuracy, and Jungeun’s blunt delivery making everything all the more embarrassing. She feels so exposed, so bare in front of the younger girl. She decides she won’t be buying any pizza for Sooyoung at all. What an utter massive failure.

Jinsoul pinches the bridge of her nose, there’s nothing else she can do except own up and apologize. And she’s just about to when Jungeun speaks again.

“I was just glad it was you. I was worried it’d be some creep, or worse, another jock.”

Jinsoul’s mind has officially short circuited at this point. She physically cannot bring herself to read or analyze the subtext behind Jungeun’s words. Not brave enough to look Jungeun in the eye anymore, she quickly apologizes to Jungeun, and asks her not to think badly of Sooyoung, “I put her up to it,” she takes the blame, not wanting to ruin her best friend’s chances with Jungeun’s best friend.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” Jungeun replies, and Jinsoul doesn’t think she believes her.

The rest of the walk back to the dorm is painfully awkward and silent. Jinsoul is visibly deflated, she makes quick work of finding the stupid book which inspired their little evening promenade around campus. Jungeun holds the older girl’s wrist when she tries to hand the book to her. Jinsoul finally looks up, surprised.

“Just because I know all this doesn’t mean you have to be so…. sad, I like your company, don’t be like this.” Jungeun steps forward and leaves a short kiss on Jinsoul’s right cheek. She pulls back, and doesn’t even allow Jinsoul’s cheek to heat up to it's full potential before extinguishing whatever spark that was beginning to flicker inside her chest.

“Besides, I have a boyfriend.”

_a WHAT?_

-

By the time Sooyoung comes back from her date, Jinsoul’s hair is a mess and her eyeliner is staining her cheeks. Jinsoul tells her about her evening in all of its painstaking details. Sooyoung is so stunned, and not just because she’s just been played by “sweet and innocent” Jiwoo, but poor Jinsoul’s also had her heart broken in the process. The most shocking part, however, is that despite all this Jiwoo still agreed to go on a second date with her. She doesn’t have the heart to say that to Jinsoul as she tries to console the dejected blonde to sleep.

And when Jinsoul has a sex-dream about Jungeun that night, she’s not the one with her in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been made shockingly obvious to me that there are in fact children on the internet. I'm bumping the rating since I don't really know where T ends and M begins. Also I changed the title, sue me.
> 
> As always, let me know what you guys think, I had fun writing this one until I reached the end and I..... *presses f*
> 
> Also I’m not sure if anyone caught it, but I styled them [after](https://i.imgur.com/Lyww63w.png) [these](https://i.imgur.com/1K98m9t.png) [looks](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/47/2b/ab472bf4a7b9995ba9813ef786aec89b.jpg)
> 
> Umm... by football I mean the "non-american" type. I love you guys, don't hate me. This literally is NOT a spoiler but these two WILL end up together, trust me.
> 
> #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	3. you want me to WHAT?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiwoo is a lifesaver. And can speak in emoji.

_“It was Jinsoul.”_

Jiwoo reads off her phone, relief dawning upon her knowing that Jungeun’s stalker wasn’t a creep or, worse, another jock. She looks back up at Sooyoung who’s excitably going on about the time she and Jinsoul had somehow managed to put a lime-green toilet on top of the university’s main clock tower as an April fools’ prank. 

Sooyoung laughs to herself for a bit before adding, “But you can’t tell anyone it was us, the university is still looking into it.” She emphasizes the last words using air quotes.

Jiwoo laughs, she leans onto the table and looks at Sooyoung fondly. To be honest, she was finding it hard to concentrate on or even trust her date earlier when Sooyoung “randomly” asked about Jungeun’s whereabouts and then promptly texted a contact saved under the name “Bro” with a blue heart.

Jinsoul though? Jiwoo had nothing to worry about when it came to Jinsoul. Jungeun may be romantically and socially oblivious, but Jiwoo didn’t miss the longing glances and stares Jinsoul directed at her best friend. Jiwoo didn’t miss how Jinsoul’s shoulders and ears would perk up and how Jinsoul’s bashful smile and dimple would pop out at the mere mention of Jungeun. And she certainly did not miss how Jinsoul faked having issues with their assignments just to talk to the two of them alone. Jiwoo didn’t mind Jinsoul’s cute yet awkward approach at all, she actually approved of the pair and how Sooyoung was coyly playing matchmaker for the two. _If only it weren’t for some minor complications…_

 _Complications!_ Jiwoo freezes, her eyes widening and smile falling suddenly while Sooyoung busied herself with the bill. Jiwoo had completely forgotten how Jungeun would react to the whole thing. She pulls out her phone and reads their recent exchange on text; which went a bit like,

_“_ ❣️❤️💗💝💕 _Jungiiieeee_ 💕💝💗❤️❣️ _”_

_“Jungie i just saw sooyoung texting  
someone your location”_

_“What??”_

_“idk…. it was a contact  
named ‘Bro _💙 _”_

_“What the hell is going on?”_

_“i’m really sorry, she just asked  
randomly about you. i didn’t know”_

_“Just get out of there, I’ll deal  
with this ‘Bro’ myself”_

_“Please be careful  
and update me asap”._

Jiwoo internally screams a little at how cryptic the whole thing sounds when it was just their cute professor. Knowing Jungeun, she’s probably torn Jinsoul to shreds after discovering her as the “stalker”. Jungeun is harsh and ruthless in moments like this, so much that she’s now worried more for Jinsoul than her own friend at this point.

She and Sooyoung are standing by the café’s door. They embrace a little and promise to meet again soon. Jiwoo flashes one more smile at her before leaving to interrogate Jungeun about her evening. She doesn’t miss Sooyoung punching the air and turning around to return to her own dorm, her heart sinks a little wondering how Jinsoul is doing…

-

“Jinsoul you can’t keep going on like this.” Sooyoung sighs, pinching the bridge of nose in annoyance.

By “this” Sooyoung meant how her best friend and roommate had been moping around their shared dorm ever since that indignifying evening where Jungeun had, and Sooyoung quotes, _“ripped Jinsoul’s heart out of her very chest and threw it to the ground before stomping all over it.”_

After waking up the following morning, Jinsoul had forgone all social, academic, and personal responsibilities and had downright refused to perform any tasks which required her to leave the dorm and go out into the real world. The real world, Jinsoul scoffs cynically, where the love of her life was in a very real relationship with a very real boy and they went on very real dates together. That’s all Jinsoul allowed herself to ruminate on Jungeun’s relationship however, any further lead to her already broken heart to break into even further pieces that she didn’t even know existed or was even possible.

“Sure, I can.” Jinsoul casually replies, safely cocooned in her blue blanket, eyes not wavering from the images of Gundam Build Divers flashing across her laptop screen.

“Really??” Sooyoung prods further, “You have classes to take!!!”

“I can say I got sick.”

“You have classes to teach!!!”

“Again… I’m gonna say I got sick?”. Jinsoul internally scoffs again. Because there’s no way she’s ever setting foot into the same room with Jungeun again, specially when the younger girl now knows that Jinsoul’s been “checking her out” in class and “stalking her” over campus.

“What about your scholarship??”

“I’ll deal with it, Sooyoung.”

“When??? You’re being ridiculous.”

Jinsoul pauses the video and sets her laptop aside. Finally looking up at her black-haired roommate, she narrows her eyes and clears her parched throat.

“Excuse me?? I’m being ridiculous?? She was practically flirting with me the whole time!!!” Jinsoul says in a high-pitched voice.

“She has a boyfriend!!!!” Sooyoung’s voice is even higher.

“SHE KISSED ME!!” Jinsoul points to her dimple-less cheek for emphasis, “RIGHT HERE!”

“Maybe she wouldn’t if you didn’t look so goddamn pitiful!!!”

Jinsoul gapes at her.

“You know what, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Or ever for that matter.” Jinsoul states firmly before wrapping herself in the blanket even more, lying down and turning to face the wall and away from Sooyoung’s imposing figure.

Jinsoul hears Sooyoung sigh again and feels the dip of her best friend sitting on her mattress next to her.

“Listen, I don’t mean to nag you. But you need to get it together. You’ve been cooped up in here for days. You leave the bed only when you need to use the bathroom. You only eat takeout, and I’m not even sure if you remember the last time you had a glass of water.” Sooyoung counts every indictment on her fingers. “You’ve even been neglecting OUR children!”

And by “children” Sooyoung meant the pair of blue and maroon betta fish both of them had “adopted” together after their first semester to bring a little life into the room. And no, she wasn’t neglecting them, she had cleaned their tank only yesterday.

“You haven’t changed out of your stupid lemon trousers for three days now.” she continues and sniffs the air a little, “When was the last time you showered??”

“I showered last night, I’m not a slob,” Jinsoul whines. It was the truth, she just didn’t feel like changing her trousers.

“Okay! But you’re beating yourself up over what? A stupid crush?” Sooyoung finishes.

“She isn’t just some stupid crush.” Jinsoul mumbles like a child.

“Well it’s time to move on, you’re acting like she divorced you and took your children away.”

“She might as well have.” Jinsoul sniffs, her eyes tearing up at being reminded of the imaginary world she had made up where she and Jungeun were imaginary married and lived together in their imaginary home in said imaginary world.

Sooyoung takes a deep breath, she’s about to curse and Jinsoul braces herself against the storm of satoori insults that her otherwise eloquent friend is about to unleash on her. But it turns out she didn’t have to because there’s a knock at the door. Sooyoung lets go of the breath she was holding and says sternly,

“We are not done here.”

Sooyoung goes into the hallway to greet the new presence instead of answering the door. Jinsoul is touched at the gesture, because even when she's being a in a pain in the ass, Sooyoung still won’t embarrass her by letting a stranger see her like this.

Jinsoul can’t tell who Sooyoung is talking to and can only make out a few words from the sounds coming from the faint gap in the door. Jinsoul frowns because whoever it is, sounds way too energetic and excitable for her current mood.

Sooyoung pops her head back into the room.

“It’s Jiwoo, she wants to talk to you. You have five minutes before I let her in.”

-

This week really is testing Jinsoul’s speed and endurance at performing mundane everyday tasks. After Sooyoung’s proclamation, she had launched herself out of bed and straight into the attached bathroom. Now locked in there, she’s regretting not stopping by the closet for a moment or two. She scans whatever limited options were available to her hanging from the hooks on the back of the door, and quickly changes from her black t-shirt into a white one and slips on Sooyoung’s maroon sweatpants. She washes her face and douses herself in perfume before emerging from the toilet.

When she enters the dorm room, she finds the pair sitting on Sooyoung’s bed and engaged in a somewhat serious discussion. She also notices Sooyoung has managed to clear up much of the mess which Jinsoul had created in their dorm over the past weekend. And by “clearing up”, she actually means “kicked it under Jinsoul’s bed”.

Jinsoul moves to sit on her own bed, across the two eyeing her every move.

“Hi, Jiwoo. What’s up?”

Jiwoo smiles at her but it’s hell of a lot less radiant than it normally is. “Hi! I came by to return your book.” She fishes out the thick red paperback from her bag and holds it up for Jinsoul to take.

“Thanks,” Jinsoul takes the book and set it to her right, “But I was-“ _thinking of taking the week off_ is what she wants to say, but decides not to after noticing the glare Sooyoung was boring into her from behind Jiwoo’s line of sight.

“B-but you didn’t have to…” is how Jinsoul finishes her sentence instead… awkwardly.

“Nonsense, you must need it for your class. And you were kind enough to let us borrow it in the first place.” Jiwoo insists.

Yeah, Jinsoul huffs internally. She was trying to be kind. And look where that landed her.

“Speaking of class,” Jiwoo voices, waiting for Jinsoul to look up, “Are you doing okay?”

Jinsoul groans audibly this time and lowers her face into her palms, she starts rubbing her forehead and eyebrows because she really doesn’t want to talk to Jiwoo about trying and failing to win her best friend’s affections.

“Nonono, please don’t do that.” Jiwoo hurriedly moves to sit next to Jinsoul. She takes the blonde’s hands and forces them down to her lap. Jinsoul is surprised because: one, Jiwoo is a lot stronger than she looks, and two, the frankness of the gesture considering Jiwoo is still holding onto her wrists. Jinsoul looks in between the two other occupants of the room in confusion. Jiwoo is clearly putting on her best reassuring face and Sooyoung just looks like a dumbass, equally as confused as her. Jinsoul relaxes a pinch, and Jiwoo’s death-grip on her wrists loosens a little.

Jiwoo clears her throat and continues, “Listen, I talked to Jungie about the whole thing. I know she was painfully blunt with you but that was her in defense mode. We both really did think Sooyoung set a stalker on her and that you two were planning god knows what." Jinsoul narrows her eyes at Sooyoung and the black-haired girl averts her gaze at the mention of her name, suddenly finding her sheets a lot more interesting than the conversation unfolding in front of her. "I mean, she has you saved as ‘Bro💙’. Who does that???” Jiwoo asks and looks at the two best friends.

When neither of them reply, Jiwoo continues, “To be honest, she acted more out of concern for me because she really thought Sooyoung only asked me out so you could get with her.”

Sooyoung looks like she wants the bed to swallow her whole.

“It’s just that… please don’t think too badly of Jungeun? She’s a bit of a hot-head but she means well. She was actually really flattered that it was you. What you experienced was her being playful, she didn’t mean to hurt you. Trust me, she can be worse. A lot worse.”

Jinsoul winces a little. _That was playful? How much worse can it get?_ She shudders because she really doesn’t want to think about it. Jiwoo’s words reminds her of how she advocated for Sooyoung in front of Jungeun on that embarrassing evening. Jinsoul lowers her head a little but doesn’t reply just yet.

“You really should’ve just talked to her directly….” Jiwoo trails off.

“How could I? You two are always together, I couldn’t get a moment alone with her.” Jinsoul speaks up for the first time since Jiwoo had begun her explanation.

Jiwoo finally releases Jinsoul’s wrists, looking visibly relieved and smiling at her again, “Well you should’ve asked for _ONE_ of us to stay back after class, silly. Preferably me, because if you had entrusted me with the matchmaking process instead of this one,” she gestures at Sooyoung with her head, “You would’ve made a lot more progress. My methods are aggressive but very effective.” Jiwoo states proudly.

Jinsoul rubs her wrists and smiles. Although it’s bittersweet, the thought of being with Jungeun still makes her happy. Okay maybe Jungeun wasn’t as heartless as Jinsoul thought. Everyone has their boundaries and maybe Jinsoul did violate at least like ten different ones by acting the way she did. Maybe she really should’ve tried to be smarter about the whole thing than letting Sooyoung handle stuff. Sooyoung, whose one and only fool-proof strategy to pick up girls is to direct her “first-love” smile at them and do a hair-flip. _Unfortunately, not all of us are blessed with Ha Sooyoung’s features or confidence_ , Jinsoul reflects.

Jinsoul feels a little better at Jiwoo’s words, that is, until she remembers that the girl she’s absolutely love-struck by actually has a boyfriend. She deflates a little more and wonders why Jiwoo is giving her advice on how to date her best friend if said best friend is already taken?

“You really came here to say all that?” she asks, trying her best to mind her own business for once.

“Yeah,” Jiwoo answers, “It’s just that Sooyoung made everything sound so grim.. and Jungeun didn’t…. I had to come see and do damage control.”

“Really?” _So, this is normal for Jungeun? Who does she think she is? Running around leaving scars and collecting her jar of-_

“Yeah… I mean… it’s just a crush, right?”

Jinsoul sighs at the innocent question and reminisces about her imaginary marriage with Jungeun again, her face adopting an unreadable expression. Jiwoo looks to Sooyoung for answers when Jinsoul doesn’t give her any. Sooyoung only shakes her head and looks at Jinsoul with sad eyes.

“Oh”, is all Jiwoo can manage, when the gravity of the situation suddenly hits her.

There’s an awkward pause before Jiwoo decides to say her goodbyes to the two. She gives Jinsoul one last smile before adding a, “Cheer up, I’m rooting for you!” and leaving. Jinsoul is utterly perplexed, she looks at Sooyoung again,

“What was that supposed to mean?” she asks, face scrunched up in confusion.

“I dunno,” Sooyoung shrugs, still looking like a dumbass.

-

“Alright, that’s it for mens rea. Does anyone have any questions?”

Jinsoul concludes another lecture. The first one since her…. incident… with Jungeun. On Sooyoung’s nagging, she decided to not take a break after all. Jinsoul scans the class one last time looking for any confused faces but finds tired and hungry ones staring back at her instead. She dismisses them and begins to organize the files on her desk when one student speaks up, loudly.

“PROFESSOR JINSOUL!”

Jinsoul winces, because whoa that way too loud and she really hates being called that. She whips around and observes that the remaining people in the hall are also looking for the source of the commotion, which turn out to be none other than the students occupying seats C-15 and C-16 respectively. Jiwoo is standing on her seat, with her right hand held as high as possible while Jungeun is trying to wrestle her back onto the floor.

_Of course._

“Yes, Jiwoo-ssi?” she asks cautiously.

“THE THING IS,” Jinsoul can’t believe Jiwoo is still shouting, “IS IT POSSIBLE TO GET MENS REA’D BY MISTAKE?”. Jungeun gives up, letting out a frustrated “ohmygod” before slumping into her seat and holding her face in embarrassment.

 _Mens rea’d? What on earth...._ Jinsoul knows Jiwoo isn’t dumb, no matter how much it suits her otherwise playful and cheery personality.

“No I'm afraid not, malicious intention and knowledge are key to constitute mens rea, it literally can’t be an accident.” Jinsoul enunciates a bit louder than normal but not quite shouting like Jiwoo is.

“BUT WHAT IF IT STILL HAPPENED AND YOU JUST WANNA APOLOGIZE?”

Jinsoul finally understands what’s going on. “Please approach my desk,” She asks both of them and wordlessly signals to the rest of the class to move along.

Jinsoul resumes organizing her files and books again. She turns around when she hears two sets of footsteps approach and stop behind her, and is surprised to find a Jungeun standing before her instead of a Jiwoo like she was expecting. Jungeun’s head is lowered, her ears peaking out slightly from her hair. Jinsoul thinks about how cute Jungeun looks until she see’s Jiwoo flash a ‘thumbs up’ at her before backing away a little.

_So this is what she meant by aggressive methods._

“Jungeun-ssi?” she tries.

“Really? Now _you’re_ the one being formal.” Jungeun looks up, an annoyed look on her face. Jinsoul doesn’t think it’s because of her though. She glances at the empty class and tries again.

“You’re right. What is it, Jungeun?”

“I didn’t know, alright? You two came onto us. There really was no need to be so sneaky about it, or at least don’t make it so obvious.” Jungeun states, matter-of-factly.

Jinsoul couldn’t argue with that. But what she could do was mentally curse Sooyoung’s dumb ass again. So she did just that.

“I was genuinely concerned for a bit.” Jungeun continues, “Not just for me but for Jiwoo too. It could’ve been a creep, or worse-

-another jock?”, Jinsoul finishes Jungeun’s sentence and smiles at her. They share a small chuckle before Jungeun speaks up again.

“So, are we cool?”

Jinsoul nods, “Yeah, we’re cool.”

The air is suddenly tense and awkward again. They both avoid eye-contact, and Jinsoul is just about to bid her farewell when Jiwoo coughs. Loudly.

Jungeun looks back at Jiwoo again, mouthing something Jinsoul can’t see but can understand to be some sort of whine or curse. Jiwoo doesn’t buy it and gives her best friend an uncaring look. So, Jungeun turns to Jinsoul again and almost whispers, “Also, I’m sorry, for the way I reacted. It was harsh and you didn’t deserve that.”

Oh??? Now that was surprising. All this time Jinsoul was led to believe that her and Sooyoung were in the wrong, an apology from Jungeun was the last thing she expected, especially considering that Jungeun looked genuinely remorseful. Just what on earth did Jiwoo do to convince Jungeun to do something so… _so…_ _adorable._

Jinsoul really cant bear the sight of infront of her and quickly interjects with a, “Nonono please, it was my fault too, I didn’t respect your privacy. I sneaked around where I should’ve been more direct. Please don’t feel bad.” It took everything in Jinsoul’s power to not pull the younger girl into a hug because nothing could ever prepare her for how cute Jungeun looked once her ‘serious girl’ façade has faltered.

“So, can we be friends?” Jungeun asks.

“Yes,” Jinsoul answers simply.

Still not making eye-contact, Jungeun extends a hand, offering it as a gesture or truce. Jinsoul shakes it, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach.

-

Now that the four of them were regularly hanging out together, Jinsoul has learned that Jungeun’s boyfriend is also an aspiring lawyer born in 1997, the same as Jinsoul. He also has blonde hair and plays on the university football team…. the same as Jinsoul. She’d laugh at her predicament if she didn’t find it so infuriating. The fact that the apple of her eye was dating basically a male version of herself only added to her list of Jungeun-related problems. The only silver lining in the whole situation being that at least BoySoul (because she refuses to ask what his real name is) didn’t study in the same university, and that Jungeun doesn’t seem to go on many dates with the guy. They don’t seem to meet much at all to be honest.

 _What a dumbass, s_ he constantly curses at the boy whose only fault was that he had managed to ask Jungeun out before her.

Whenever they do have a date though, Jiwoo and Sooyoung make sure to keep Jinsoul occupied one way or another. Coincidentally, today was one of those days.

“Where’s Jungeun?” Jinsoul asks as she takes a seat opposite to Jiwoo and Sooyoung. They both give her _the look_. Jinsoul immediately regrets asking the question as images of Jungeun kissing BoySoul play in her mind.

The three of them talk for a few moments, catching up with each other about their classes and how thier mid-terms were going. Jinsoul congratulates Jiwoo and her adored absentee on their performance in class. The conversation trails off into a dead end eventually, and before it can branch off into something else, Jiwoo takes the chance to ask Jinsoul.

“So how are you and Jungeun doing?”

 _Eh?? What’s that supposed to mean?_ Jinsoul puts her sandwich down and ponders Jiwoo’s question. Her and Jungeun were… fine?? Since the four of them were friends, they all had lunch together as a group whenever they could. But Jinsoul and Jungeun also hung out by themselves when Sooyoung and Jiwoo were on dates of thier own. Now that they’ve gotten a lot more comfortable around each other, she’s actually surprised by how talkative Jungeun really is. Although it still hurts, Jinsoul can’t help but listen tenderly to the younger girl’s rambling.

Another surprising discovery Jungeun reveals in to her is the fact that her and Jiwoo aren’t enrolled under the same major. Jiwoo has paired Clinical Psychology with a minor in Pharmaceuticals; meanwhile Jungeun is studying Art, namely Photo-Realism and Photography, with a minor in Psychology (on Jiwoo’s insistence). And if everything goes according to plan, they’re both set to graduate a year after Jinsoul and Sooyoung. Jinsoul makes the aspiring artist promise her to show her her work someday, but Jungeun always makes an excuse of having forgotten to carry her sketchbook with her. Which Jinsoul thinks is a bit odd, considering how organized and meticulous the younger girl normally is, but she doesn’t pry.

Spending time with Jungeun is bittersweet, and she knows that with each passing minute, she’s falling even harder for her and all her idiosyncrasies. Jinsoul makes sure to compliment or tease Jungeun whenever she can because she loves watching Jungeun’s hard image crumble as her ears redden and face transfigures into this angry-looking yet adorable toothy and gummy smile. It’s not on Jungeun’s lips like Jinsoul has daydreamed about, but the younger girl lets her taste her iced tea one day. _Still counts as an indirect kiss though?_ Jinsoul figures since they used the same straw. Jinsoul teases, her words laced with a little concern for Jungeun’s health, that she has more sugar in her one drink than Jinsoul does in the whole year.

“That’s okay, I swim all the excess calories off anyways.” Jungeun would reassure her.

Despite wishing things were different, she’s glad to have Jungeun (and Jiwoo) in her life. Jungeun’s presence sets her at ease. She doesn’t like her boyfriend for obvious reasons but there’s something else about him which makes her gut turn uncomfortably, and she nearly always pulls her hair out in stress whenever the younger girl has gone out to meet him.

“We’re fine?” her answers sounds more like a question because she really doesn’t know what Jiwoo is talking about.

“Can I be honest?” Jiwoo asks.

“Permission granted.” Jinsoul smirks at the younger girl, mimicking a high-ranking army officer and takes a bite from her sandwich.

“Haha, you’re _so_ funny.” Jiwoo rolls her eyes before adding,

“Have you been pulling any moves on her again? Be honest.” The red-head returns the smirk, but with tenfold the intensity.

“What??? No!!” Jinsoul almost chokes while trying to clarify adamantly, “Has she said anything?” 

“Oh no, I just have eyes. And they’ve noticed that Jungeun is visibly happier when she’s with you than with anyone else.”

That actually sounded like a compliment? Jinsoul is trying to figure out how to respond when Jiwoo quizzes her again,

“So why haven’t you?”

Jinsoul is so confused at this point, “Jiwoo, can I ask you a question?”

“Fire away!” she gestures with the reply, flailing one hand in the air.

“What are you doing? Like seriously? Why am I getting the feeling you’re setting me up with Jungeun?” Jinsoul deliberately poses her questions more like a demand than a request.

Jiwoo cheerfully breaks out into the widest smile either Sooyoung or Jinsoul have ever seen, “That’s because I am, silly!”

“WHAT???” Sooyoung and Jinsoul balk at her in unison.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Jiwoo asks so naively. Jinsoul is frozen again, her mind going to that place again somewhere in between short and circuit.

“Because she has a boyfriend???” Sooyoung answers figuring that Jinsoul needs a moment to process the new information.

“Oh is that what she said? He’s not her boyfriend, so to speak.” She states plainly, as if it was yesterday’s news. Neither of the elder girls respond, so Jiwoo lets them in on a little more, “They’ve just been seeing each other for a few months, nothing is official yet.”

“Then why did she tell me that???” Jinsoul asks desperately, massaging her temples because a headache is definitely starting to form right behind her eyes.

“Because she’s and idiot. And she’s stubborn. And she’s loyal.”

Yep, Short-circuit.

“Okay we’re losing focus here,” Sooyoung tries to make sense of this conversation, “Why are you trying to set them up? Jungeun’s clearly not interested?” She looks at Jinsoul and mouths a ‘sorry’.

“Oh, she is, she just doesn’t know it yet.” Jiwoo smiles widely again, proud of herself.

Jinsoul has had it, she’s at her limit. She really can’t take anymore of this.

“Pardon my French but how the fuck do you know that, Jiwoo?” she spits out, her words making her frustration clear.

“I just do, shouldn’t you be happy?”

“Why should I be? This isn't exactly helping my situation.” Jinsoul is so done with how nonchalant Jiwoo is about the whole situation.

“Sure, it is. I’ve already planted the seed. She just needs to get over her stubborn ass and dump the piece of shit she’s dating already.”

 _Seed? Dumping?? Piece of shit??_ Jinsoul is so tired, she just wants to sleep.

“What’s wrong with him?” Sooyoung asks the sensible question again.

“I just don’t like him. He’s not serious about Jungeun and she deserves someone better.” Jiwoo face clearly displaying her displeasure.

“And you think I’m serious?” Jinsoul questions.

Sooyoung lets out a laugh, it’s so ugly and teeming with ridicule. Sooyoung locks her in a terrifyingly deadly gaze and Jinsoul prepares herself for what’s about to happen next.

“Are you trying to say you’re not? Do I have to bring up how you’re already thought of names for your future kids with her?” Sooyoung finishes with a smirk and Jinsoul just wants to spontaneously combust right then and there.

“AWWWWWW” Jiwoo is officially squealing. And she’s beaming at Jinsoul, her eyes twinkling like she’s just discovered penicillin for the first time.

“Sooyoung, shut up.”

“Oh noooo honey, please don’t shut up, tell me more.” She directs her full attention to Sooyoung and looks at her expectantly.

“Jinsoul’s practically been in love with her since the moment she first laid eyes on her.”

Jiwoo turns to Jinsoul again, “Jinsoul, you’re perfect for her.” Her eyes somehow twinkling even brighter, “Just keep doing what you’re doing. And I’ll take care of the rest.”

Jinsoul pauses for a bit and considers her options. If Jungeun were to willingly break up with her not-boyfriend, and if Jungeun really is interested in her like Jiwoo said. Then where’s the harm in playing along with Jiwoo’s plan? It’s worked so far.

“So you want me to be a homewrecker?” Jinsoul humors the younger girl.

“Nooooo, it’s hardly homewrecking, they’ve just been dating for eight months.” She takes a sip of her drink and realizes her mistake. “Oh I shouldn’t have said that.”

“EIGHT MONTHS?” Jinsoul _screams_ , dropping her drink and spilling it all over the table. She can’t be bothered to care about it just yet. “You’re telling me," Jinsoul lowers her voice into a whisper, "This guy had eight freaking months to ask Jungeun to be his girlfriend, and he HASN’T???” but with her volume still increasing with each syllable, she’s practically screaming by the end of her sentence again.

“See why I don’t like him?”

Jinsoul can’t believe it. She can’t believe what a total piece of shit BoySoul has turned out to be. She was right not to trust him, her gut wasn’t wrong afterall.

“I’m in.” Jinsoul resolves.

Jiwoo squeals again and crushes Sooyoung in a hug. Jinsoul cuts their celebration short however.

“I just have one question though. What makes you so sure she’ll pick me after dumping him?”

“Oh. Nothing! I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for Jungie.”

 _She can’t be serious…._ Jinsoul is flattered that Jiwoo “approves” of her, but she’s not just about to jump in and have Jungeun break her heart all over again. One time was enough, thank you very much!

“Okay I’m kidding, I’m doing it for both of you. You'll look so cute together!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooo..... sorry this took so long, I was a bit occupied babysitting my nephews.. and honestly a little burnt out. This one is triple the length of what I usually publish so y'all better put some respect on my name
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like the update <3 Comments and kudos make me uwu so dont be stingy.
> 
> As always, #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	4. CODE JUNGIE!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LipSoul nation, come get your fluff.
> 
> Alternatively titled, lipsoul go on dates. many many dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> with the gay energy of #HappyKimLipDay still coursing through my veins, I bring you an update that's longer than the first three chapters put together. You have been duly warned, this chapter is nothing but gross, disgusting, and wildly abhorrent self-indulgent fluff.
> 
> a little update on chuuves and yvesoul just being the best of friends also featured!
> 
> enjoy~

-

Jinsoul is busy doodling in the notebook which she uses to take down ‘Advanced Corporate Law’ notes when Sooyoung elbows her to pay attention to what the professor is saying. This is one of the few classes that she and Sooyoung and take together considering that her dark-haired friend is a Finance major. Annoyed by the way Sooyoung interrupted her creative process, Jinsoul hisses at her,

“Why don’t you take notes for once? Can’t you see I’m busy?”,

“Idiot, he’s praising your paper, you got an A, as usual.”

“Oh,” she pauses and looks at their bald professor. In fact, most of her law professors are bald. She worries about her scalp for a bit and turns to Sooyoung again, “Sorry.”

Sooyoung chuckles, “No problem”.

The lecture ends soon afterwards. Jinsoul waits for Sooyoung to finish discussing something about football tryouts with one of their classmates. It’s not like Sooyoung to mix her classes and extra-curriculars with each other, but maybe she’s making the exception now that she’s been promoted to team captain recently. They begin to exit the hall once it’s empty. Nearing the exit, Sooyoung tosses her long black hair back using her left hand in a fashion that’s _so Sooyoung,_ and asks Jinsoul what the slightly younger girls assumes to be a very innocent question.

“So, what are _your_ plans tonight?”

_Eh? My plans?_

“What? aren’t we just grabbing dinner or something?” Jinsoul answers naively. She hates how Sooyoung can make her question even the simplest of things so easily.

“Ah! No that’s not it.” Sooyoung says, pausing a little and putting her hand on the door handle. “I’m going on a date.”

“Maybe you should do the same.” Sooyoung adds suggestively and pushes. The door opens into the hallway, and it’s not empty like it should be considering how late this class is scheduled due to their professor’s availability. Much to Jinsoul’s horror and Sooyoung’s satisfied smirk, their respective heartthrobs are standing right before them. With her head tilted to one side, Jiwoo waves at them and fixes a piercing gaze on Sooyoung in a manner which can only be described and blatant and gross flirtatious behavior. Jinsoul spots Jungeun swallow a gag from the corner of her eye as she looks between the four of them awkwardly. Okay maybe the whole of her eye because Jungeun is distracted by the disturbing behavior their friends are exhibiting and Jinsoul never misses an opportunity to shamelessly ogle at Jungeun anyways.

“Ready to go, baby?” Jiwoo asks Sooyoung sweetly, head still tilted, while curling a lock of her hair in between her fingers. Okay, now they’re grossing Jinsoul out too, enough to break her out of her Jungeun related musings. Jinsoul coughs loudly and politely smiles at Jiwoo, who smiles back just as politely. Jinsoul then directs an angry and disgusted glare at Sooyoung, as if asking her _‘why didn’t you tell me????’_ and Sooyoung shoots an uncaring look back at her as if answering _‘like I give a shit’._

“Yep, let’s go.” Sooyoung extends her left arm for Jiwoo to take, and Jiwoo takes it graciously enough slowly lacing their arms together. They smile at each other a little and leave. But not before glancing back at the two still standing in the hallway frozen by the abhorrent public display of affection. Jungeun promptly reaches her cringe-limit, she averts her eyes and zones out to what Jinsoul assumes is a world where their best friends’ mission in life isn’t to embarrass them. Jiwoo and Sooyoung pounce on the opportunity to lock Jinsoul in their sight and wink at her simultaneously in a way that’s so synchronized that it almost looks practiced.

 _Oh…_ Jinsoul finally receives the message.

Jungeun returns to earth once the two lovebirds are out of sight for her and out of mind for Jinsoul.

“I guess it’s just the two of us now.” Jungeun says disappointedly, she adds a sigh to portray annoyance. Jinsoul shrugs aloofly and smiles where younger Jinsoul (and by that she means a few months younger) would have faltered and lost confidence at Jungeun’s demeanor. Because at this point, she can figure out exactly where or at whom Jungeun’s various expressions of annoyance and irritation are directed at and she’s proud of the fact that they’re almost never directed at herself ever since that emotionally scarring evening when Jinsoul had stalked the younger girl to the library.

“What a bummer.” Jinsoul huffs playfully and mimics Jungeun’s posture, placing both hands on her hips. She mentally pats herself on the back again when Jungeun smiles at her and unknowingly leans a little closer.

“No, really what are we going to do?”

Jinsoul lets her arms falls to her sides again as she wracks her brain for inspiration. And she has the perfect idea! “You’re not too hungry, are you?”

“Nah, dinner can wait.”

“Perfect!” Jinsoul beams, “Do you want to go bowling with me?”

-

_Jinsoul – 80_

_Jungeun – 83_

The screen above their lane flashes the final score in Jinsoul’s face offensively. She can’t believe that she spent most of the ride to the bowling alley bragging about her family being members and regular winners at their local bowling club. She also can’t believe she’s just bet and lost her pride, her family’s pride, and _dinner_ to Jungeun. She just doesn’t understand what it is about Jungeun that always lands her in mortifying and uncomfortable waters. Okay that's a lie. Maybe she knows exactly what it is and her own role in encouraging these outcomes.

Because Jinsoul tried, she genuinely tried to play like she normally does, but seeing Jungeun break out into an uncharacteristically loud shriek followed by the usual round of mouth-open-wide-but-no-sound-comes-out laughter after Jinsoul’s first ball landed in the gutter made her doubt all convictions of trying to impress Jungeun with her bowling skills. She did salvage her pride somewhere in the middle, by scoring a few spares and strikes and coaching Jungeun on the proper way to aim for the pins, but it was all for naught considering the final score. She doesn’t mind losing to Jungeun, especially if it lands her a dinner date with the girl anyways.

“Alright that’s enough,” Jinsoul says to Jungeun who’s still a little giddy over beating ‘Miss Bowling Club’. Still laughing, Jungeun mocks wiping a tear from her eyes, and Jinsoul isn’t sure if it’s supposed to mimic her own feelings or Jinsoul’s. Regardless, Jinsoul pouts at the younger girl and that seems to do the trick.

“Aww okay, don’t be sad,” Jungeun says, lightly squeezing Jinsoul’s right arm and the butterflies in Jinsoul’s stomach return full force. Jinsoul wants to hug her, so bad, because it’s the first time she’s seen Jungeun act so natural and carefree. And she’s so dangerously close to closing the little gap in between them when Jungeun breaks her train of thought again. “Yah seriously stop it, you still owe me dinner.”

Jungeun is so clueless it’s frustrating. Jiwoo wasn’t kidding when she called her socially oblivious. Jinsoul studies Jungeun a little and suggests, “I know this noodle place, it’s not fancy or anything, but they serve the best stir-fry in town? You in?”

Jungeun smiles at her again, “I’m in.” And Jinsoul beams at her as if she’d just given her the whole world.

-

The noodle place Jinsoul takes Jungeun to is roughly a half an hour drive away from the bowling alley. They’re both starving by the time they reach so Jinsoul makes quick work of confirming protein options with Jungeun before placing the order. They take a booth near the back of the restaurant and a waiter quickly puts a kettle and tiny teacups on their table.

“I asked them to serve the soup first since it’ll be ready quicker, is that okay?” Jinsoul asks as she pours tea into Jungeun’s cup.

“That’s perfect, I’m starving.” Jungeun raises her cup to her lips and blows on it a little.

Jinsoul takes a sip of her own tea and both their stomachs make audible complaints of neglect at the same time. The waiter serving the bowl of soup eyes the two curiously as they’re both hunched over in their seats and holding back respective chortles of laughter. Jinsoul plates up – or in this case bowls up – Junguen’s serving first, ladling a bunch of dumplings into her bowl, and hands it to her with a needless precaution.

“Careful, it’s hot.”

Jungeun just looks at her through the steam pillowing from the bowl of soup in between them, she doesn’t say anything because she really doesn’t have to. They look of playful bemusement in her eyes is enough to convey an _“Oh, really?”_ to Jinsoul.

“Never mind, please eat.”

And they dig in, practically inhaling the soup in a span of minutes in which they utter not a single word to each other because they’re way too hungry and way too distracted by the soup in front of them. They sit back after wiping their bowls clean, hungers barely satisfied, but enough to at least spark a conversation.

“I come here with Sooyoung a lot,” Jinsoul begins, hoping it will segue somewhere more interesting.

“Oh, you mean when she’s not smooching up Jiwoo?” Jinsoul feels heat trickle up her neck at the mention of smooching. She’s glad her own little stalking episode hadn’t ruined Sooyoung’s relationship with Jiwoo, but what she isn’t glad for is the way Jungeun tends to bring conversations to abrupt ends with her cold one-sentence deliveries.

“Ah yeah…”, Jinsoul doesn’t know how to respond. She’s so flustered, and it’s so obvious to the girl sitting opposite to her that she helps in bringing her out of her misery.

“So, tell me about Sooyoung? Jiwoo says you two met in University? You guys seem close?”

“Yeah! In the dorms actually-“

The waiter pops by again to place fresh crockery and a wok full of beef stir-fry on their table and pauses to take their drink orders.

“Can we have some beer?” She pauses to look at Jungeun, who shakes her head, “Sake?”, she tries again and Jungeun nods this time. “Yeah we’ll take a bottle of Sake instead,” Jinsoul says, turning to the waiter again. He confirms their order one last time and Jinsoul thanks him before he leaves them to finish their meal. Jinsoul busies herself in serving the noodles to Jungeun and herself again. They eat in silence for a few seconds before Jungeun queries her again.

“You were saying something about Sooyoung?”

“Oh,” Jinsoul hadn’t realized that Jungeun was actually interested in that story, to be honest she chalked it up to her trying to make small talk, but then again Jungeun isn’t the type to dabble in small talk. Jinsoul swallows, taking a moment to collect her thoughts and just decides to just bare it all to the younger girl.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’d be here if it weren’t for Sooyoung. Things got really bad with my family soon after I accepted the admission offer from the University. Sooyoung helped me sort out my housing and financial aid applications and she had just met me. I don’t know.. I guess she saw I needed the help. I owe her a lot.”

Jungeun’s once curious expression contorts into one of worry, “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”, her questions sound urgent and genuinely concerned. It’s difficult for Jinsoul to see the other girl like this so she quickly elaborates further.

“Nonono it was nothing too bad,” Jinsoul really isn’t sure if the next bit qualifies as information-appropriate-to-be-shared-on-a-potential-first-date but the boat has already left the harbor and there’s no use calling it back, “It’s just that my dad saw me with my ex and he kind of kicked me out.”

“Ouch..” Jungeun places her chopsticks down, focusing her attention completely on Jinsoul. “That bad?”

“Yeah..,” Jinsoul’s shoulders sag defeatedly remembering the painful ordeal. “He cut me off entirely. Why do you think I dorm when I was born and raised in this city?”

Jungeun doesn’t say anything but she also doesn’t hesitate to reach out to place her left hand over Jinsoul’s right in a gesture so sincere and sympathetic that it makes Jinsoul’s heart skip a beat or two. It’s so far off from Jungeun’s emotionally distant self that the warmth once restricted to Jinsoul’s neck ends up enveloping her entire being.

“I’m so sorry, Jinsoul. You didn’t deserve to go through that.” Jungeun’s attempt at comfort is a force against any sadness Jinsoul was feeling prior, and Jinsoul is practically swooning at this point. This is the best moment of Jinsoul’s life ever since meeting Jungeun, but it’s made awkward by the fact that Jinsoul’s hand is currently balled up into a fist and moving it now in any way would probably result in Jungeun pulling her arm back. So Jinsoul settles on the back of her hand touching Jungeun’s palm because it’s better than no touching at all.

“If you ever need any help, please don’t hesitate to ask,” Jungeun comforts the older girl some more.

Jinsoul suddenly snaps back, “Oh no there’s no need for that. Sooyoung set me up with a job at the Library, which was great because I used my extra time studying. And then I got a scholarship and became a T.A., and now whatever I am with CP-101 so things are fine.” Jinsoul finishes, flashing a somewhat proud smile.

“That’s nice to hear, it’s good you had Sooyoung when you did.” With that, Jungeun gently pads at Jinsoul’s wrist with her thumb and slowly backs away to sit back in her own seat, breaking the physical contact in between them. Jinsoul silently curses herself _‘Dammit, maybe I should’ve dragged it out a little more’._ She flexes the hand Jungeun was holding and picks up her chopsticks again. Jungeun follows suit.

“Yeah, she’s a lifesaver” and then the conversation trails off into Jinsoul telling Jungeun all about her notorious adventures with Sooyoung, including the one story about the prank with the lime green toilet. Jinsoul tells her about their triumphs as the unbeatable defensive duo of the university football team, and how she always comes back with a Satoori accent after spending her winter breaks with Sooyoung’s family in Busan. Jinsoul mimics how Sooyoung talks to her parents and it’s so scarily accurate that it makes Jungeun choke on her noodles. Jinsoul pours her a glass of water and aggressively pushes a tissue box towards her. She manages to speak an, “I’m so sorry!!,” before another bout of laughter escapes her at the sight of Jungeun’s tears. Jungeun sips at the glass of water hoping to put an end to her coughing and gestures at Jinsoul with her free hand to calm down for a bit. Jungeun recovers gracefully, her entire face now as red as her shirt and Jinsoul melts at the sight.

Once things have settled down, Jinsoul leans forward with her elbow on the table and props up her chin, “Okay your turn, tell me about yourself,” Jinsoul says. Jungeun seems a little embarrassed with how Jinsoul is unabashedly staring at her with so much tenderness in her eyes, but Jinsoul is honestly too _in the zone_ to worry about it. “Yah don’t be like that,” referring to how the younger girl was acting shy all of a sudden, “I told you everything,” Jinsoul complains and flails her free hand at her in a somewhat scolding manner.

Because scold??? Jungeun??? Jinsoul could never.

“Uh… for starters, I was born in California like my sister, and my parents moved back here when I was three or something. That’s when I met Jiwoo.”

“Jiwoo is a great friend, you know? She’s very protective of you.” Jinsoul opts not to tell her about the little brat’s secret match-making mission for obvious reasons.

“As I am of her,” Jungeun stresses, shooting a look of mock disbelief at the older girl.

“Ah I didn’t mean it like that,” Jinsoul clarifies, “I’ve spent more time with her than I have with you and I know she’s got your back, you’re lucky to have her.”

“I think neither of us can ask for better best-friends honestly.”

“Yeah.” Jinsoul pauses before suddenly remembering, “Wait since you were born in the U.S., don’t you have an English name?”

“Ugh I was hoping you wouldn’t bring that up. It’s Ashley.” And Jungeun groans in a way that sounds more like a mewl and Jinsoul yelps out a small albeit loud chuckle because she’ll never get tired of how adorable Jungeun is when she’s shy like she is right now.

_Awwwww._

“It suits you though. At least it’s not Jennifer or Angela like all the other Asian-Americans I know.” Jinsoul tries to ease her out of her embarrassment after relishing in it first to her heart’s desire.

“Thank you, my parents actually named me Annie. And there was just no way I was going to be an Annie _and_ a Kim Jungeun. Can you imagine?”

“So, you changed it?”

“Yeah, on every document I could find.”

“I could call you Jungie, you know, like Jiwoo does.” Maybe it is a a little too soon but Jinsoul can’t resist, she shoots her shot anyways.

Jungeun scrunches her face at her, “Yeah, maybe not yet.” Jinsoul expected that much. She doesn’t mind though because Jungeun’s answer doesn’t negate the possibility of it happening any time in the future. Jinsoul glances at the mess of crockery and near empty wok sitting on the table, “I hate wasting food, should I ask them to pack up the leftovers?”

“Yeah, sure, Maybe Jiwoo would like them.”

“I know for a fact that she does. I come here with Sooyoung a lot, remember?”

“Oh, in that case you can have them.” Jungeun says flatly. Jinsoul chuckles and signals for the waiter. Jungeun compliments the meal they just had and Jinsoul pays for it at the main counter. Jinsoul takes the takeout container from Jungeun’s hands before opening the door for her.

“So back to campus?” Jinsoul asks when they’ve taken their seats in the car Jinsoul has borrowed from Jaehyun, one of her football teammates.

“I know you don’t have much of a sweet tooth, but do you know a good place for ice-cream? My treat?” Jungeun accentuates her request with a little pout as if she was asking for a huuuuuuge favor. It’s actually physically impossible for Jinsoul to say no to Jungeun, but she refuses to repeat the same mistake of giving into her so quickly like she did back in the restaurant.

“And why would I let you do that?”

“You already paid for dinner. C’mon…. please?” The pitch of Jungeun’s voice raises considerably by the end of her sentence and she actually pouts at Jinsoul some more. It’s exactly the response Jinsoul was looking for, and _‘please’??_ Jinsoul didn’t even know a word like that existed in Jungeun’s vocabulary.

“Alright, you win.” Jinsoul says, as if she had any contrary intentions.

-

The “ice-cream place” Jinsoul drives to is actually inside their university campus, and part of larger café that the four of them usually frequent, but only Jinsoul and Sooyoung have explored thoroughly. They’re out of Jinsoul’s favorite flavor so she settles for matcha, meanwhile Jungeun’s talent for picking out the most grotesque diabetes inducing combination never lets her down. She chooses to split her cup in between chocolate and caramel crunch. With extra chocolate chips _and_ syrup of course.

“You wanna try?” Jungeun teases her, already knowing how Jinsoul would respond.

“No, thank you.” Jinsoul rolls her eyes at the younger girl. She makes a mental note of how Jungeun bites her ice-cream, before another idea pops in her head.

“Hey,” Jinsoul pauses for Jungeun to look at her.

“Hmm?”, and Jungeun does with big inquisitive eyes and the little plastic spoon still in her mouth.

Jinsoul almost crushes her own cup. Ice cream and all.

“Can I walk you to your dorm? It's not that far away from here.”

“What about the car?”

“It’s okay. My dorm is on the other side of campus anyways.”

Jungeun shrugs and moves towards the door which Jinsoul holds open for her. She mouths a near ‘silent’ thank you as she heads through it. Winter is slowly creeping up on them and Jinsoul thinks that maybe it isn’t a good idea to walk in this weather. But when Jungeun huddles a bit closer to her, the denim jacket apparently not doing enough to protect her from the cool breeze, Jinsoul thinks that maybe walking is the best idea she’s ever had. That doesn’t stop her from feeling concerned for Jungeun though.

“Are you cold? We can go back insid-“

“No, it’s fine. Let’s go” Jungeun cuts her off and starts walking, she waits for Jinsoul to catch up after taking a few too many steps ahead. Jinsoul races to her and after a few silent moments, Jungeun breaks the ice again.

“I’m sorry.”

_Wait, what?_

“What?” The gears in Jinsoul’s mind shift to overthinking mode again. Just what on earth is Jungeun talking about.

“It’s just… I had you pegged all wrong, you and Sooyoung both. And I shouldn’t have.”

First ‘please’ and now ‘sorry’??? What on earth is going on??? Jinsoul really has no idea how to respond. Should she say something? Should she wait for Jungeun to continue? But Jungeun looks a bit lost so Jinsoul decides to do what she knows best!

“Okay who are you and what have you done to Jungeun?”, and by ‘what she knows best’, Jinsoul means being the most awkward nerd to have ever graced this godforsaken planet. Jungeun just stares at her in disbelief, an _‘are you serious_ ’ written all over her beautiful face. Jinsoul suddenly feels very small under Jungeun’s gaze, she looks around timidly, trying to look at anywhere just not in the general direction of her companion for this late night stroll through campus. Jungeun tsks at her in what Jinsoul hopes is mock disappointment (and it is).

“You’re so awkward….” Jungeun says in a voice barely above a whisper.

“It….. just be like that sometimes.” Jinsoul has no control over what she’s saying anymore.

“Ohmygod…,” Jungeun inhales. “You did not just turn this into a meme. I swear to god, Jinsoul.”

“Well what was I supposed to do?”, Jinsoul complains loudly with a whine, “You just started apologizing out of nowhere. It confused me!!!” She flails her arms in the space between them and finishes with a pout, fully aware of how lame she looks.

“I- I meant it!!! I shouldn’t have acted the way I did!!!” Jungeun matches her enthusiasm.

“There’s nothing to apologize for!!! I messed up too!!!” Jinsoul is almost yelling. But that’s just how she normally is.

“But I still feel bad about it so please let me finish what I’m trying to say!!!!” Jungeun screeches at her.

“I- wait, what?”

“I’m sorry. You’re just so sweet. I had to say it.”

Jinsoul has no idea what’s going on. Is Jungeun acknowledging Jinsoul’s feelings towards her? Is this Jiwoo’s “seed” in action? Or is Jungeun simply trying to close a chapter in their relationship so they can move on as friends? _I have to talk to Jiwoo._ Because out of all things, Jiwoo hadn’t given her any warnings about Jungeun wanting to apologize for the library incident again. The logical part of her brain thinks maybe Jungeun doesn’t know what she’s doing either, but the romantic part is hopeful that maybe the younger girl is starting to see her in a different light. After all, it’s so obvious at this point that Jungeun is starting to warm up to her.

“It’s okay, Jungeun. But what made you think Sooyoung and I were the wrong sort?” Jinsoul’s brain is finally asking the right questions.

“Not the wrong sort… but it’s just that you two kind of walk around like you own the place. It’s so boisterous, kind of got on my nerves.” Jungeun says apologetically.

_Ohhhhh._

“It does kind of seem like that, now that you say it out loud.” Jinsoul admits, her mind in a half-thoughtful state.

“Right??? It just reminded me of someone.”

“Let me guess, another jock?” _Smooth._ Jinsoul, is impressed with herself too.

“How di- wait, you remembered?” Jungeun’s eyes widen in astonishment, as if Jinsoul hadn’t been taking mental notes about her or committing even the smallest of details about her to memory. _Pfft, as if._

“How could I not?” Jinsoul shrugs. “You’ve mentioned it so many times.” And by ‘many’, she means twice. “You have to tell me that story by the way.”

Again. Smooth.

“I will, someday.” It was a long time ago anyways.”

-

Between finishing their ice-creams, Jungeun’s impromptu apology, and the almost-screaming match that followed afterwards, neither of them realize that they’re only a few steps away from the main entrance to Jungeun’s dorm. Jinsoul takes their empty cups and plastic spoons and chucks them into nearby recycling bins. She returns to Jungeun who’s waiting for her by the stairs leading up to the main doorway.

“So, this is our last stop for tonight?” Jinsoul asks maybe a little too fondly. But it’s okay because Jungeun is too naive to pick up on these social cues anyways.

“I guess it is.” Jungeun says and Jinsoul searches for an ‘unfortunately’ in Jungeun’s words but doesn’t find any. She sighs wistfully.

“Jinsoul,”

“Hmm?” she looks up, her default pout spread across her features.

“Cute.”

_Did she just call me cute?_

“I had a great time.”

_She just called me cute again!!!!!_

“We should do this again sometimes.”

_Wait, is she going kiss me again?_

And Jungeun steps into her space.

_OH HELL YESSSSSS!!!_

And plants a kiss on her right cheek again. It’s soft, and it’s both warm and cold at the same time. Jinsoul isn’t sure if it’s because of the ice-cream, the chill breeze, or just from the jar of hearts Jungeun collects. It’s not as short as their first one but still nowhere near as long enough for Jinsoul’s liking or even on the correct part of her face. But Jinsoul takes it. She takes it with all the pride and joy in the world because Jungeun kissed her again and it takes everything in her power to not envelop the younger girl in a hug and return the kiss with ten times the intensity. Jinsoul is so glad that the moonlight or the building’s outdoor lighting isn’t bright enough to showcase how hard she’s blushing but no force in the universe could mask the shit eating grin currently plastered across her face.

Jungeun moves back just as swiftly as she had moved in, leaving a scent of lavender mixed with vanilla in the space surrounding Jinsoul. “Goodnight, Jinsoul.”

“Y-yeah.. Goodnight!” Jinsoul gushes at her again before the younger girl starts to walk up the paved stairs.

_Oh, it IS going to be a good night. If I manage to sleep at all._

-

“Jinsoul?” Sooyoung calls for her timidly. Her voice is so low, there’s no way Jinsoul would’ve heard it if her study playlist wasn’t in between transitioning from the previous track to the next. Jinsoul swivels around to face her, turning away from her computer desk. She hadn’t realized Sooyoung was out of the shower already, or that she was standing a few steps behind her, staring at the floor with an expression of one occupied in deep thought.

To say it concerned Jinsoul is an understatement, afterall she’s never seen Sooyoung be so anxious about anything before in the entire four years she’s known her. Jinsoul quickly takes out her earbuds, not bothering to pause her playlist. “What is it, Soo?”, she asks seriously.

“I need to ask you something.” And Sooyoung’s grip on the damp towel still draped around her shoulders tightens, she’s clutching and wringing it anxiously. Sooyoung is so on edge, that it’s driving Jinsoul crazy with worry.

 _Are you in trouble? Did something happen with your family? How can I help?_ A million thoughts race through Jinsoul’s mind. It’s always Sooyoung who comes to Jinsoul’s rescue and this the first time their positions appear to have been reversed. Sooyoung needs her right now and Jinsoul mentally prepares herself to cut down the person giving her best friend so much agony.

“Why don’t you sit down first?” Jinsoul suggests and Sooyoung obeys almost instantly. She takes a seat on her own bed and begins to fidget with the fabric of her trousers around her knees. Sooyoung’s left leg bounces restlessly, like it does before a big football game.

“What is it Sooyoung? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I think I’m gonna ask Jiwoo to be my girlfriend.”

_Oh._

_That’s it???????_

“And you wanted to get my approval first?” Jinsoul asks, just to be sure.

“Yes… Because of you know… stuff”. Sooyoung explains weakly.

This is so stupid. Of course, the only time Sooyoung seems to have lost her shit is because she’s worried about Jinsoul’s feelings. Jinsoul is touched at the whole ordeal but it’s so stupid of Sooyoung to even assume that her response would be anything less than supportive. And frankly, kind of offensive that Sooyoung felt Jinsoul would ever try to come between her and her happiness.

“Sooyoung, you’re an idiot.” Jinsoul gets up from her chair and moves closer to where her best friend is sitting. She places both hands firmly on either of Sooyoung’s shoulders and yanks her into a standing position. Sooyoung stumbles a little but Jinsoul figures the black-haired girl needs a little reality check anyways so it’s okay.

Keeping her palms rooted firmly on Sooyoung’s shoulders, Jinsoul forces her to look at her and begins her get-yourself-together monologue, “Firstly, the only reason you should be running things like this by me is because I’m your best friend and I care about you. And not because you’re worried about me or my reaction because of my own shitty dating life.”

Jinsoul gives Sooyoung a shake when the latter shows signs of lowering her head in shame. “Secondly, you’re an idiot for ever thinking that I’d try to stop you from going after someone who makes you happy. And thirdly, Jiwoo is a great girl. She’s an annoying brat at times but she’s good for you. And I’m happy for you.” Jinsoul finishes and pulls Sooyoung into a hug. “And I love you and you’re my best friend and I never want to see you beat yourself up over something like this.”

Sooyoung relaxes in her embrace and mumbles a soft, “You sure?”

“Yes, I am you dumbass. Go get your girl.”

-

Jinsoul texts Jungeun exactly three times.

_“Hey, you free?”_

_“I’m bored.”_

“😉”

Turns out Jungeun was serious when she had suggested she and Jinsoul should hang out together more often. It’s become their thing now, for Jinsoul to introduce Jungeun to some of Seoul’s best kept secrets. It’s become so routine now that they don’t even bother to wait for Sooyoung and Jiwoo, who are now girlfriends by the way, to go on their own dates. Instead Jungeun and Jinsoul make their own plans now. All by themselves. Independently. Like grownups.

“Jungeun is so frustratingly in denial but you two are _so_ dating each other.” Jiwoo tells her one day and Jinsoul couldn’t have been prouder. “And you didn’t hear it from me, but she really is the happiest when she’s with you, so good job.” Scratch that, Jinsoul could be prouder and she is!!!!! BoySoul resembles a distant memory at this point, and Jinsoul barely ruminates about him or the fact that he’s the one “officially” dating her future wife.

Okay maybe that’s a big lie because Jinsoul still keeps adding to her list of Ways-For-Jungeun-To-Realize-That-She’s-Not-Dating-The-Right-Person. One of them actually includes Jinsoul gifting the younger girl a t-shirt with words that light up to say “Kim Jungeun, dump your boyfriend” on the front and “Date me instead” on the back. Because Jinsoul is human and of course she gets jealous when reminded of the fact that still hasn’t captured Jungeun’s complete undivided attention from a romantic point of view. And it hurt her more than she’d like to admit when she saw a mark similar to a hickey on Jungeun’s collarbone when the neckline of her shirt stretched a little as Jungeun was slipping on her backpack. She tried to convince herself that it was an allergy or a mosquito bite or literally anything else but who was she kidding.

_Ugh._

Anyways back to happy thoughts. Their “unofficial dates” all start the same way. Either Jungeun texts her first, or it’s the other way around like it this time. Sometimes they bump into each other on campus and one of them suggests an outing. As inappropriate as it is, sometimes Jinsoul just sneakily texts her or slips her a note with the words, “You free after this?”, inside the CP-101 lecture hall while class is still taking place. Jinsoul can spot the blush that creeps up on Jungeun’s ears and face from her desk on the floor of the hall and evoking that kind of response from Jungeun always encourages her to shower the girl with even more affection and adoration.

Even Jiwoo is taken aback a little by the boldness of Jinsoul’s actions but she approves, nonetheless. Jinsoul is so done being coy, she’s so done beating around the bush about her interest in the younger girl. Equipped with the knowledge that Jungeun is still technically on the market and CLEARLY enjoying her company and attention, her confidence is at an all-time high. Jinsoul might as well stick a flashing bright red neon sign on her head which says, “KIM JUNGEUN DATE ME”, but Jungeun would probably find a way to completely miss that gesture too somehow. Jinsoul really wishes this slowburn friends to lovers gay pining romance novel will take a sexy turn AND SOON.

So Jinsoul takes Jungeun to all her favorite spots in the city, including malls, museums, botanical gardens, rooftop restaurants, the night market, amusement parks, themed cafes, and basically any other place that qualifies as a dating spot. Jinsoul doesn’t know where BoySoul takes Jungeun on their dates but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t at least give him a run for his money. These unofficial dates also end the same way, with Jinsoul adding to her collection of kisses received from Jungeun, leaving her aching for more.

More of Jungeun, more of her time and attention, more of her intoxicating scent, more of her light touches, more of the way their hands graze together sometimes, and definitely more of her kisses. Jinsoul wishes she had the courage or even permission to turn her head a little inwards into one.

Jungeun replies:

_“Yes. See you at the main quad in twenty minutes?”_

Jinsoul sends a reply while giggling to herself.

_“Nice! And bring a jacket.”_

“Heyyyyyyyy what are you smiling at? Is it a funny cat video?? I love funny cat videos!!! Show me.” Jiwoo’s face somehow goes from inquisitive to happy to elated to dead serious within a matter of three seconds. Jinsoul has no idea how Jiwoo even functions; it’s like she’s always buzzing on a high of caffeine, adrenaline, and ecstasy all at the same time. Jinsoul would love to just experience being inside Jiwoo’s brilliant and hyperactive mind for just one day even though she’s pretty sure she’ll have to be admitted to the psych ward afterwards.

Where Jinsoul lectures Jiwoo on Criminal Psychology, Jiwoo inturn tutors her on “Jungology 101 – The Art of winning Jungeun’s heart”. Yes, Jiwoo titled the “course” herself. And yes, Jinsoul let her. These “classes” take place once every other week or whenever Jiwoo sets up one on an emergency basis. Jinsoul swears that sometimes Jiwoo just rings her up out of boredom, but Jiwoo’s company is entertaining (to say the least) so she doesn’t really mind. The location of these super secretive meetings is always intimated last minute, to ensure it’s a place that Jungeun is least likely to suspect or suddenly barge in on. This time, it’s the Chemistry department’s laboratory. Jinsoul suspects Jiwoo selected the place to take geeky selcas of herself to send to Sooyoung but she keeps mum about it.

“Jungeun texted back, she’s free this evening.”

“Of course, she is! If you know what I mean.” Jiwoo claps both hands together and wiggles her eyebrows at the blonde.

“Uhh… yeah so I have to meet her at the quad so I better get going.”

“Wait, where are you taking her tonight?” Jiwoo asks excitedly, her face nestled perfectly in both her palms while she’s leaning against the table with the support of her elbows.

“There’s this fireworks festival going on near the Han River.” Jinsoul answers nonchalantly. “I went last year, and it’s beautiful. I think Jungeun will really like it too.”

“Oh,” Jiwoo’s mouth forms a small ‘o’ shape, and her expression becomes blank, a little too serious and…. Murdery….

“What? Is it a bad idea? I can take her someplace else…” Jinsoul trails off, her mind already busying herself thinking of alternatives.

“Oh nooooo, it’s a wonderful idea.” Jiwoo pauses sinisterly again, “So it’s like going to be super romantic with lots of chances for skinship, right?”

Jinsoul feels a blush the beginning to creep up on her. Jiwoo has never interrogated her like this before. Is she suddenly suspicious of her? Jiwoo has been privy to nearly everything about her unofficial dates with Jungeun and none of what she’s planned for tonight is anything out of the ordinary.

“Uh…. I guess? But I’m not going to try to pull a move on her?” _No matter how much I want to,_ “If that’s what you’re worried about?”. Jinsoul tries to clarify.

“What? No! I’m not worried about Jungie, she’s more than fine in your capable hands.”

Jinsoul breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m just wondering what _my_ girlfriend’s plans are like for tonight, that’s all.” Jiwoo sounds exactly like Miranda Priestly, and it’s honestly a little terrifying.

“Didn’t she tell you? Sorry I might have ruined it in case she was planning on surprising you…”

“Oh.. in that case...” Jiwoo doesn’t finish her sentence but the smile she breaks out into does enough to convey her satisfaction. Suddenly everything is back to normal again.

“Just pretend to be surprised when she takes you to that part of town?”

“You got it!”

-

"HaSoo 🥵"

_“You are planning on taking Jiwoo  
to that festival today, right?”_

_“Yep! Why are you asking?”_

_“Just checking. FYI I’m going to avoid you  
two if I we run into you there.”_

_“ㅋㅋㅋ”_

-

Hearing steady thuds of heels on tarmac, Jinsoul looks up from her phone to see Jungeun walking straight into her line of sight. Jinsoul pushes herself off from her leaned position against the passenger side door of Jaehyun’s car; it’s almost Jinsoul’s car at this point considering possession is nine-tenths of the law when it comes to ownership of a thing anyways.

“Hey there stranger,” Jinsoul greets, little flirty hints mixed into her words.

“Hey yourself.” Jungeun replies. She’s wearing a simple white t-shirt, which is covered mostly by a black blazer that ends with her black shorts. Jinsoul takes in every detail about Jungeun’s outfit from the black boots, the rolled up sleeves, the slightly disheveled hair, to the little sliver necklace adorning the front of her white shirt’s neckline. Jungeun runs a hand through her hair, adding more static to the already slightly agitated blonde tresses. It suddenly hits Jinsoul that-

“You’re beautiful.” Jinsoul doesn’t bother filtering her words. Because Jungeun looks so pretty she deserves all the hype in her world. Jungeun hand pauses mid-way through her hair, apparently a little surprised by the impromptu compliment, but not in a bad way because she shoots backs almost instantly,

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

“Oh this?”, Jinsoul points to her black oversized hoodie that she’s paired black jeans and her signature black converse. “I just threw it on,” she ends with a shrug.

“You look good though, all black suits you. And I like the way you’ve parted your hair today.”

“Thank you”, Jinsoul looks down and presses her index fingers together. Usually she’s the one peppering the younger girl with compliments and praises. To have Jungeun turn the tables on her like this is actually kind of nice and makes Jinsoul feel giddy in all the right ways. There’s something different about Jungeun tonight. She can’t quiet put her finger on it but she’s a lot more relaxed and apparently much more receptive to her. Whatever it is, Jinsoul wants more of it.

“So where are you taking me tonight?” Jungeun asks, her relaxed and unhurried tone spurs something inside of Jinsoul that she’s been trying to suppress and deny for months now.

_On a bed preferably, with you pinned under me and moaning my name as I-_

Jinsoul feels heat rush to all the wrong places and tries desperate to stop her lewd thoughts before things get even worse. It’s been a while since she’s addressed the monster that is her libido. She’s been so occupied with her little fantasy of winning over Jungeun that the idea of “dealing” with the issue at hand with anyone other than Jungeun herself is the least appealing thing in the world to her. And she’s had plenty of opportunities, her frat boy teammates throw wild boozy house parties nearly every other weekend. Almost everyone’s who attends them is there to satisfy one or more three desires; attention, alcohol, or sex. No wonder Jungeun assumed that her and Sooyoung were the sort of people she was better off avoiding.

To say that Jinsoul and Sooyoung avoided attending or partaking in these parties would be a lie. It was almost compulsory considering they’re two of the most prolific players on the team roster and weren’t exactly dissuaded by the prospects. But lately, they’ve tried to steer clear of them for two very obvious reasons. At this point the whole university knows that Sooyoung and Jiwoo are together, leaving Jinsoul still technically classified as free real estate no matter how much she had mentally committed herself to Jungeun. So nowadays at these parties, should Jinsoul choose to or be forced to attend one, even the girls who would normally try to win over Sooyoung would throw themselves at Jinsoul instead, so she’s had plenty of options to satisfy her carnal needs.

 _But you’re not her._ Jinsoul’s mind would deny her even her body screamed for release. She found it both physically and emotionally impossible to become intimate with another girl. So, she was stuck, and it’s an absolute disaster. But at least Jinsoul is the type to achieve some sort of climax through her wet dreams about Jungeun so there’s that one tiny silver lining. But it doesn’t come anywhere close to the real thing.

“Oh,” Jinsoul puts her vulgar thoughts to bed. “It’s a surprise.”, She unlocks the passenger side door and holds it open for Jungeun to get in.

-

The Han River International Fireworks festival is a much-anticipated annual affair. Naturally, finding a decent parking spot is a problem, but thankfully Jaehyun’s tiny hatchback was more than capable of squeezing itself into the smallest of spaces and Jinsoul had become a master at handling the small vehicle from driving it so often in the recent dsys.

Jungeun spots a parking space as close as possible to the park where the festival is taking place, and Jinsoul quickly occupies it. It’s still a good few minutes’ walk away from the closest entrance but Jungeun is already unbuckling her seatbelt so Jinsoul figures it’s okay. They both start to walk together towards the entrance. Jinsoul sets the pace while Jungeun curiously looks around for signs which can help her figure out exactly where the older girl has brought her.

“It’s a fireworks show?” Jungeun seems to have spotted one of the event banners.

“Festival, actually!”, Jinsoul corrects her with a smile, “I came here last year. They have pyrotechnicians from all over the world participating and I already booked us a boat for the show. There’s a still a while for it to start but there’s plenty to keep us busy till then.”

There’s a rush of bodies near the entrance, Jinsoul takes a hold of Jungeun’s wrist to prevent herself from being separated from her as she guides both of them inside. Once on the other side of the gate, Jinsoul really has no more practical reasons to keep holding on to Jungeun’s wrist, so she’s faced with two options. Either let go or take a risk. After a little contemplating and giving special consideration to the fact that Jungeun isn’t exactly showing any signs of removing her arm from Jinsoul’s hold, she chooses the latter.

So Jinsoul briefly loosens her grip on Jungeun’s wrist, only to slip her hand downwards. Wary of the younger girl’s reaction and as if asking for permission, Jinsoul lightly grazes her fingertips along the inside of Jungeun’s palm and on the pads of her fingers. Jungeun notices of course, but she chooses not to acknowledge it. Another thing she chooses not to do is retract her arm away in any way so Jinsoul figures she’s given her the permission she was seeking. Jinsoul presses their palms together and wraps her fingers around Jungeun’s hand fully. Jungeun clears her throat in an embarrassed fashion and carefully makes a few adjustments.

She laces her fingers with Jinsoul’s and Jinsoul swears she’s never been more in love.

-

The two only break the contact between their hands only when it’s absolutely necessary, and they’re both quick to resume it when it does happen. Holding hands with Jungeun was nerve-wracking at first, and Jinsoul is sure Jungeun’s feelings mirrored her own by the way they were both avoiding eye-contact with each other. But it was still so nice, Jungeun’s hands were softer than she could ever imagine, and they fit with her own so perfectly like they were supposed to. Jinsoul could write a book about Jungeun’s hands if she wanted to.

But Jungeun’s hands are cold, so Jinsoul alternates their positions whenever the contact between them is broken temporarily, trying to give equal attention to both of Jungeun’s cold hands in the hopes of transferring her own warmth to younger girl. It’s not like Jinsoul could hold both of Jungeun’s hands and walk side by side with her at the same time, so she pulls out a hotpack from her backpack and gives it to her. Jungeun takes it graciously but still refuses to let go of Jinsoul’s arm.

Yes, arm. You read that right.

Because even if it was awkward at first, a few snacks and some games later, the shy not-so subtle hand holding gradually evolved (like Pokemon!) into Jungeun linking their arms together and slightly leaning into Jinsoul’s right.

Speaking of Pokemon, Jinsoul wins a Pickachu headband for Jungeun in a shooting game. Jungeun puts it on but it’s a little slanted, so Jinsoul attempts to fix it while it’s still on Jungeun’s head and lands herself in another conundrum.

 _I don’t want to let go of your face either….._ Jinsoul eyes wander to meet Jungeun’s expectant gaze for the first time this evening and neither of them try to look away. Jungeun is first to break out into the most adorable smile she’s ever directed at the older girl. It’s so shy, tender, and self-assured all at the same time, that Jinsoul decides now would be the perfect time to kiss her. Jinsoul’s gaze travels downwards to Jungeun’s lips at the exact same moment Jungeun’s moves to the spot in between Jinsoul’s eyebrows.

“What’s that?”

Jinsoul’s eyes follow Jungeun’s right hand as it slowly makes it way to her forehead. Jungeun delicately touches a now warm thumb to the scar in between Jinsoul’s eyebrows.

“I fell from a table and hit my head when I was a kid.”

Jungeun touches it again, in a little rubbing motion. She tsks and coos in a mixture of concern and amusement, as if her touch could somehow heal the scarred tissue where decades worth of time could not. Jungeun is healing her in other ways though, in ways Jinsoul can’t even begin to describe.

“Somehow, I’m not surprised.” And Jinsoul wants to kiss her so bad…

Their arms drop back to their sides when the festival DJ loudly announces over the speaker system that the light show is about to commence soon.

-

In all her brilliant plans, Jinsoul had forgotten to account for what a scaredy-cat Jungeun is. It’s takes a whole lot of convincing and reassuring on Jinsoul’s part for Jungeun to actually get into the boat with her. And when she finally does, Jinsoul holds her on either side of her arms till she’s firmly seated. It’s a small two-person boat so Jinsoul has no other option but to take the only other seat exactly opposite to her favorite person. Jinsoul signals to the festival staff that they’re good to go and he untugs their boat from the dock. Jinsoul starts the tiny motor and slowly takes the them far away from the bank, but still well within the demarcated safe zone.

“See? Not so bad, right?” Jinsoul asks, shutting off the engine.

“Oh, shut up.”

A hearty laugh rumbles through Jinsoul’s chest and it rocks the entire boat. Jungeun shrieks at her and Jinsoul stops immediately noticing the movement. The stupid grin is still plastered all over her face though.

“I’m sorry I won’t do it again.” Jinsoul says after successfully suppressing another laughing fit.

“Please don’t.” Jungeun huffs at her angrily.

A cold breeze hits them and Jungeun winces terribly. With no Jinsoul by her side anymore, there’s little she can do except brace against the cold. Jinsoul begins rummaging through her backpack for something and pulls out a blanket and more hotpacks. She carefully wraps the blanket around Jungeun’s exposed legs and shoves the hotpacks into her hands, one for each.

The first signs of the fireworks show starting appear in the distance. But Jungeun is too busy processing what Jinsoul just did to concentrate on anything else. Jinsoul had warned her about the cold but came prepared just in case Jungeun hadn’t heeded said warnings. _Of course, she did_. Jungeun doesn’t know how Jinsoul does it. She just doesn’t understand how Jinsoul always finds a way to make her heart flutter or just downright sweep her right off her feet, metaphorically speaking. And it’s not even grandiose gestures, it’s in the simple things like remembering Jungeun’s likes and preferences, being mindful of her comfort zone, and going one or two steps out of the way to fulfill even the tiniest of her wishes that Jinsoul has made a place for herself in Jungeun’s heart.

“Jinsoul?” she breaks the silence.

“Yes?”, She looks back to her from the fireworks going off to her right.

“Out of all the places you’ve brought me to, this one is my favorite.”

They way Jinsoul’s shoulders perk up with pride is so endearing to Jungeun right now. It’s like Jinsoul hangs on to her every word, waiting for her approval, her acknowledgement, and appreciation. Jungeun feels guilty for not realizing sooner exactly how much Jinsoul does for her. Jungeun is so touched, she’s genuinely touched that Jinsoul pays attention to her ramblings, picks them apart, and actually plans their meetings around them. Meanwhile it took her months to even notice the tiny but not exactly inconspicuous blemish right in the center of Jinsoul’s pretty face.

“You’re just saying that because this is new. You’ve probably already been to some of the other places before.” Jinsoul is so right but she’s also so wrong. Of course, she had been to some of the malls and museums before, but not in the unique and soulful way Jinsoul had revealed them to her. In the hopes of bringing Jungeun into her world, Jinsoul took her to all the places that are so candidly close to her heart and shared her memories, both the good and the bad, with her. Everything she did for her hid so many layers of context and emotion behind it. Jungeun sighs wistfully, both because of Jinsoul’s sincere attempts at getting close to her and the fact the person who should be here with her isn’t.

_He doesn’t even have a clue…_

Jinsoul must have noticed her pensive expression because she asks carefully,

“You have, right? I mean, you know….” Jinsoul trails off, not finishing her sentence, but Jungeun knows exactly what she means to ask.

_With him? He doesn’t care…_

Jinsoul frowns at her and shifts uncomfortable in her seat trying to move a little closer to her. Jinsoul touches her knee which is still covered by the blanket and looks up at her again with eyes so deeply drenched in concern and empathy, she doesn’t even have to say anything this time.

_Is everything okay? Are you okay? Does he treat you well?_

_“_ Jinsoul, why did you bring me here?” Jungeun tries to confirm some suspicions.

“You talked about wanting to see the Aurora lights one time. I can’t exactly take you to Iceland, but theme for the fireworks this year is Northern Lights, so I figured it was the next best thing.” Jinsoul answers honestly.

With tears in her own eyes, Jungeun answers the three questions still swimming in Jinsoul’s.

_No. He doesn’t. Not the way you do._

_-_

Jinsoul wakes up the next morning to a flurry of panicked text messages from Jiwoo.

"Lil' Brat:"

_“WHAT DID YOU DO???????????”_

_“CODE JUNGIE!!!!!!! I SAID CODE JUNGIE!!!”_

_“D-DAY!!!! IT’S D-DAY!!”_

_“Or idk she said something real cryptic and then left to “deal with stuff”_

_“…”_

_“GIRL”_

_“WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”_

_“Jinsoul sweetie I don’t mean to disturb you BUT YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE ASAP.”_

Jinsoul squints at the still incoming texts. This could only mean one thing…

_“I’m coming.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY KIM LIP DAY YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!!! DId you feel it?? Did you feel the gay energy too??
> 
> I still can't believe that I actually wrote all this with my two bare hands. Honestly it was a bit of a stuggle but i'm SO happy with it ;;;;; If the first bit feels a bit awkward, then please note I did that on purpose. Lipsoul ARE so awkward and we love them for it!!!! 
> 
> AND YES!!!! THAT WAS LIP'S POV IN THE END!!! finally!!! *throws confetti* ok jokes aside i really need some feedback on that bit bcs i tried to be emo about that portion. Personally, I love the way it turned out, but I'd like to hear your thoughts on it too :D and YES they've started to communicate through eyecontact bcs that's just what soulmates do.
> 
> also: their outfits during the festival bit [lip](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b08fbb93528aa2406aa05e8cbf8e0782/tumblr_pcxrxtTf4d1vgmqg1o1_1280.png) [soul](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DN_dXJ9V4AAeWyv.jpg:orig)
> 
> and idk i tried to be a hermit about it but i really do need more orbit friends to scream about lipsoul to. Please @ me at my [gay twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips) and i'll love you for it. It's 5am here as I'm posting this ungodly long update that I worked for ungodly long hours on. Please leave a <3 and tell me if you spot any errors
> 
> Incase you haven't already, please watch The Devil Wears Prada!
> 
> As always, take care of yourself and #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	5. Error 404: Title not found.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's just too much shit going on in this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start reading, I think you deserve to know that I am a shitposter at heart and that side of my personality has finally found a way to include itself in my writing style. I really should've seen this coming but this chapter will take a turn in the middle which even I wasn't expecting when I started writing it. All I can say, I hope you enjoy fourth-wall breaks because I certainly do!
> 
> Happy reading!

_-_

"Lil' brat"

_“I’m coming.”_

Jinsoul doesn’t bother changing out of the light gray hoodie she slept in. She performs her morning rituals in break-neck speed and bolts out the dorm, but not before profusely apologizing to Sooyoung for causing the ruckus. She ties her hair up into a messy ponytail at the stop as she waits for a shuttle to take her to Jiwoo and Jungeun’s dorm, all the while impatiently tapping her foot on the ground. A few excruciating minutes pass and she considers making a run for it, but that’s when the dark blue solar powered cart comes into view.

_Thank god._

She grips onto the headrest of the seat in front of her, her legs not ceasing their restless movement. Where did Jungeun go? What did she mean by ‘dealing with stuff’? Is she really going to break up with BoySoul? Or is Jiwoo just making a mountain out of a molehill again? Jinsoul hopes against hope for the best but there’s a strong feeling of dread in her stomach and she can’t help but worry that Jungeun is in trouble.

_This cart can’t drive fast enough._

An eternity passes and the cart finally parks at the stop opposite to the dorm. Jinsoul launches herself out of her seat the same way she had launched herself out of bed earlier in the morning. She can’t be arsed to wait for the elevator and chooses to run up the stairs, all four flights, to Jiwoo and Jungeun’s floor. She knocks on the dorm’s like a crazy person and nearly punches Jiwoo in the face when she opens the door suddenly on the third knock. They’re both silently thankful for Jiwoo’s lightning fast reflexes as Jinsoul enters the room.

“What happened, where did she go, what did she say, is she okay??????”, Jinsoul asks in quick succession through labored breaths. Deprived of an adequate warm up, her lungs are on fire and she’s panting heavily from the run and subsequent hike up the stairs. But there are more pressing matters to attend to.

“You tell me first!!!!!!”, an equally frazzled Jiwoo nearly screams at her. Jinsoul takes a seat by what she assumes is Jungeun’s desk, considering how neat and organized everything on top of it is. She traces her fingers along the spine of Jungeun’s purple notebook. She notices the owl stickers on it for the first time and it suddenly hits her that she’s never been inside of Jungeun’s space like this before. She’d feel like an intruder if Jiwoo weren’t offering her a bottle of water, she takes it from her and downs it all in one go. Jinsoul waits as Jiwoo takes her own seat opposite to her, she steadies her breathing and recollects the events of last night for Jiwoo.

Jinsoul tells Jiwoo just as much as she doesn’t. She tells her about how the evening took a melancholic turn as soon as the fireworks started, but not how she scrambled to get nearer to Jungeun when she was asked to move closer on the boat. She tells her all about how Jungeun had spent the rest of the night with her head on Jinsoul’s shoulder, but not how badly Jinsoul’s own heart was beating against her chest as Jungeun clung to her for warmth and support. She tells her about how Jungeun had wordlessly asked to be held instead of their usual goodbye at the foot of the paved staircase leading up to the dorm, but not how Jinsoul almost refused to let go when she heard a sniff against her shoulder.

She also confesses how Jungeun looked the most beautiful person in the world as she looked up at the night sky, her skin and hair awashed in shades of greens and blues and eyes twinkling from the unfallen tears, but not how Jinsoul is now sure, if she wasn’t before, that she’s in love with Jungeun and doesn’t want to spend another moment without her.

Because Jinsoul doesn’t have to say it. Because Jiwoo already knows.

“But it was all so cute though, she had the Pikachu headband on the whole time.” Jinsoul finishes with a smile.

“Well, congratulations, you broke her!” Jiwoo is much less amused by the whole thing.

“What do you mean?”, the butterflies in Jinsoul’s stomach are quickly replaced by the same dreaded feeling again.

“You should’ve seen her. I waited up for her last night and she looked completely out of it. I tried to talk to her, but you know what she’s like when she doesn’t feel like talking.”

“Yeah,” Jinsoul knows all too well.

“All I have is this text, but it’s not much.” Jiwoo unlocks her phone, she taps and swipes at the screen and hands it to Jinsoul. 

_“_ ❣️❤️💗💝💕 _Jungiiieeee_ 💕💝💗❤️❣️ _”_

_“I realized last night that there’s a few long  
overdue things I need to take care of.  
I’m sorry for leaving like this and keeping  
you in the dark but I needed time to think.  
It’s also something I have to deal with myself.  
I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.  
I’m sorry.”_

Jinsoul silently curses how much on an early riser Jungeun is. She reads and re-reads the text searching for herself in the lines between Jungeun’s words. What are you up to? Where have you gone? The answer is so clear yet so vague at the same time. Jinsoul looks up at Jiwoo again and returns the phone.

“Do you think she’s…?” Jinsoul trails off, and this time it’s Jiwoo who knows exactly what she means to ask.

“Gone to break up with her not-boyfriend? Yeah, that’s what I think too.” Jiwoo sighs and leans back against the back of her own chair. “But I don’t know! And I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”

“Jiwoo,” Jinsoul couldn’t help but feel a little saddened at those words. “I’m not here for myself. Jungeun’s not some prize for me to win over, I care about her too.”

“No, that’s not what I mean, Jinsoul.” Jiwoo is quick to correct her, “I know how you feel about her, and I couldn’t find anyone better for her even if I tried. It’s just that I care about _you_ too.”

Jinsoul would be lying if she said she wasn’t hoping. There’s hope but there’s so much more dread and concern swirling around in the pit of her stomach. She doesn’t want to hope, she really doesn’t. She didn’t race all this way for herself. It’s been almost two hours since Jungeun’s last text to Jiwoo, and with no contact since, Jinsoul can’t help but worry.

“I know it’s none of my business, but what is up with them? I know that their relationship or whatever is weird, but does he even care about her?”

Jiwoo sighs like she was expecting this question. Trying not to overstep her boundaries, Jinsoul quickly supplements her previous question with a, “I mean you don’t have to tell me anything,” But that doesn’t stop her from prying, “They barely talk from what I’ve seen. And he doesn’t even seem to know or care what Jungeun is doing or where she even is to be honest.” Jinsoul didn’t mean to sound as spiteful as she did, but with the image of Jungeun’s teary-eyed face still fresh in her memory, she figures BoySoul doesn’t deserve any better anyways.

There’s a pause and Jiwoo lets out another sigh. “You’re actually so right.”

“Really?”, As ironic as it sounds, this is one of the few instances that Jinsoul would rather be wrong. Because even if it’s not her, Jungeun deserves to be with someone who cares about her and someone who can make her happy.

“They started off normal, but he just stopped trying so suddenly. And now he acts like he barely has time for her anymore. I get that Law School is tough, but look at you..”

Jinsoul blushes at the backhanded compliment, but she’d rather not be compared to BoySoul right now or any time at all for that matter. She clears her throat and pries further. “Did something happen?”

“Not really, that’s why it’s so confusing.” Jiwoo answers, “But they fight a lot and Jungeun cries almost every time after she meets up with him. Now she barely mentions him, I guess she’s just holding on to whatever made her fall for him in the first place.”

Jinsoul takes note of Jiwoo’s gloomy expression and usage of Jungeun’s full name in place of the beloved nickname. This is all too real. Jungeun is hurting over a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve her. She wants to fight BoySoul.

“That bad?”

“Yeah, it was like he flipped a switch. And when he noticed that I noticed, he started accusing me of trying to get in between them. Can you believe that?”

“Well you kind of did…”

“That’s besides the point!!!” Jiwoo laughs, “And I started my meddling much later anyways.”

“Alright alright,” Jinsoul concedes, “But what made you meddle by the way?”

“I heard some rumors. And, no, I’m not going to tell you because I will not be responsible for him ending up in the hospital.”

“What?”

“Jinsoul, look at your hands.”

When Jinsoul looks down, she realizes that both of her hands are tightly clasped around and effectively crushing what remains of the plastic bottle Jiwoo handed to her earlier. Maybe the mental image of the bottle being replaced by BoySoul’s neck did come to mind. But she won’t confess that to Jiwoo, and Jiwoo’s sixth or seventh sense probably would’ve allowed her to read her mind by now anyways. Jinsoul smiles a little at herself and sets the bottle on Jungeun’s table, but it’s so bent out of shape that it won’t stand up by itself anymore.

Jiwoo hums, “Let me get your file, I gotta add ‘possible anger issues’ to it.”

_My what? Anger issues? What?_

Jinsoul looks at her, terrified. There’s just no way Jiwoo maintains a file on her or any of Jungeun’s potential partners. At this point, Jinsoul understands that Jiwoo’s mission in life is Jungeun’s happiness, and that combined with the fact that Jiwoo is majoring Clinical Psychology makes her feel like one of the lab-rats Jiwoo probably runs experiments on. “You’re joking, right?”

Jiwoo breaks out into an annoying loud laugh while Jinsoul is still holding onto her breath. “Of course, I am, silly.” And Jinsoul breathes, “But maybe I should, considering her dating history.” And Jinsoul stops breathing mid-way through an inhale again.

The usage of ‘dating history’ implies Jungeun has dated more than more than one shitty personality. Jinsoul is shocked, “There’s more????”, she wonders if she’s finally going to get the tea on the elusive ‘another jock’.

“Uhh maybe I’ll let her tell you that one herself.”

“Oh, okay.” Jinsoul deflates and awkwardly pulls on the hem of her hoodie. “You’re serious about not having any files on me, right?”

“Yes, I am! But you’re giving me more and more reasons to start.”, Jiwoo locks her in a sinister gaze again. She must’ve picked that up from Sooyoung. But Sooyoung would never do this to her.

“Jiwoo…”

“I’m just messing with you. I’m serious, you’re good for her. She’s lucky to have you, I just wish she’d realize that herself.”

 _Maybe she has?_ Jinsoul smiles at Jiwoo shyly. She doesn’t want to celebrate this soon. It never works out when you do. But Jiwoo’s words of encouragement are filling her up with so much warmth and joy. Jinsoul wants to respond without giving away how much she’s missing Jungeun right now. She opens and closes her mouth a few times without saying anything.

“Awww, look at you being all tongue tied,” Jiwoo tries to tease her.

“I-,” Jinsoul wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what and decides there’s really no point in hiding anything from Jiwoo at this point, “I just miss her. I hope she’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Jinsoul is hopelessly in love with Jungeun. If she could put into words how much, she would. She thought she’d lost Jungeun forever after the episode at the library and Jungeun’s subsequent confession of already being in a relationship. She never imagined that she’d find herself in this position, vying for a chance to be with the girl who had her smitten from when she first laid eyes on her. She’s so close, but she doesn’t event know if Jungeun even sees her the way she wants to be seen by her. Never in her right mind did Jinsoul even imagine that she’d get as close as she did, and even if Jungeun doesn’t end up choosing her in the end, she’d make peace with the fact that at least she kicked BoySoul out of her life.

Okay no, that’s a lie, she’d be an inconsolable mess again, and it’d be a lot worse than last time.

“That bad, huh?” Jiwoo asks, like she’s read her mind, mirroring the question Jinsoul herself had asked earlier.

“Yeah… I think I’m-“

What would’ve become Jinsoul’s thoroughly detailed and endless declaration of her love for Jungeun is interrupted by the sound of the room’s key code being punched in, and the necks of the room’s two occupants snap towards it. Jungeun emerges from behind the door and Jinsoul rises from her seat so quickly she’s not sure if it’s her presence or all her blood rushing to her feet that’s making her dizzy.

Jungeun looks like a mess and sight shatters Jinsoul’s heart. Jungeun’s once proud shoulders are sagged defeatedly and her eyes are red and swollen from crying. Confused and crest fallen, she looks in between Jinsoul and Jiwoo and more tears stream down her beautiful face with each blink of her already puffy eyes. Jinsoul wants nothing more than to hug and coo Jungeun into a consoled state. She wants to kiss her tears away and her hand which she’s using to aggressively rub her eyes and wipe her face.

_Oh no don’t do that.._

Jungeun’s backpack falls to the floor near her feet and she wordlessly enters the dorm’s attached bathroom. The door slams shut and Jinsoul feels like an intruder for real this time. She looks back at Jiwoo, hoping for some sort of instruction.

“Should I leave?”

Jiwoo nods. “I’ll take care of her.”

-

Seat C-16’s glaring emptiness is almost impossible to bear for Jinsoul as she prepares to deliver another lecture. Much to her student’s chagrin, she decides to quiz them instead (it’s not graded, but she doesn’t tell them that). Pushing her glasses back up the bridge of her nose with her right index, she stows away the notes she prepared for what would’ve been today’s Forensic Psychology lecture back into their folder. It’s an important topic, and Professor Choi is bound to include it the final paper, and she really doesn’t want Jungeun to miss it.

But she couldn’t use the same excuse when Jungeun didn’t attend the week’s second class either. Jinsoul somewhat begrudgingly delivers the same lecture she avoided last time. She figures she can tutor Jungeun one-on-one later when and if the younger girl is up for it. Any excuse is a valid excuse if that means she can spend more time with her, particularly since Jungeun hadn’t been replying to any of her texts after she walked in on Jiwoo and herself in her dorm almost a week ago.

“Is she okay?” a worried Jinsoul asks Jiwoo after class.

“No, I’m afraid not.” an equally worried Jiwoo answers.

 _Did she say something? Is she upset with me? Did I offend her?_ and more questions race through Jinsoul’s mind but she decides to ask the most important one instead.

“Can I help?”

“Yes.”

Jinsoul doesn’t ask how she can help, but Jiwoo’s answer does enough to tell her that Jungeun wouldn’t reject her company and it’s not like Jinsoul would’ve minded even if she did. She still doesn’t know what happened with Jungeun the other day, but the anguish in her eyes when she walked into the dorm told her it was bad. Besides, Jinsoul is terrible at following directions, she’s trusted her instincts ever since Jiwoo gave her the green light to pursue Jungeun, and right now her instincts are telling her that Jungeun is hungry.

That’s the how and why of Jinsoul’s current predicament, i-e, standing outside the door to Jungeun’s dorm, carefully balancing the contents of the care package she’s assembled for her in one arm and using the other one to softly knock on said door. She was smart enough to use the elevator this time.

A sleepy and slightly disheveled Jungeun opens the door. She looks adorable with no makeup and the way her blonde hair is tied up in a neat ponytail. Jinsoul worries why she’s wearing a light t-shirt in this cold weather but the confused look Jungeun directs at her makes her forget everything.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” Jinsoul breaks the ice.

“Uh-“, Jungeun’s voice is raspy like she hasn’t used it in a while and Jinsoul smiles at her sweetly. Jungeun clears her throat and tries again. “No, come in.” She steps aside to let Jinsoul in.

_Well that was easy._

Once inside, she understands why Jungeun is dressed up so lightly. The room’s thermostat is set to a toasty warm, almost too warm for the thick plaid coat Jinsoul wore for the CP-101 class. She sets down the care package on the counter by the door and shrugs her coat off. She can feel Jungeun eyeing her every move as she hangs it behind the door.

Jinsoul tugs at the end of her off-white sweater and decides to just get to the point.

“You haven’t been coming to class?” _Or any class for that matter_ , she’s learnt that much through Jiwoo.

“I’m just not feeling like it to be honest.”

“I figured, reminds me of someone.” Jinsoul tries to joke.

“Who?”

“Me _._ ”

Jungeun can feel it, she can feel the worry and concern oozing out of Jinsoul’s every word and action. She’s doing it again; looking at her and asking her all the important questions without saying a damn word and it’s driving her crazy. How does she do it?

 _‘Are you okay?’,_ Jinsoul’s eyes give her true feelings away no matter how much she tries to hide them with her awkward jokes and sense of humor.

 _‘Please…. don’t. Not yet…’,_ and Jungeun hopes Jinsoul can pick up on the message.

And Jinsoul does. “Are you hungry? I brought dinner.”

 _‘Thank god’,_ and she’s not sure if it’s because Jinsoul understood her silent plea for space or because her stomach really was grumbling for sustenance right when Jinsoul knocked at her door.

_‘No problem.’_

Jungeun frowns at her in annoyance, and Jinsoul finally gives into the smile she was trying so hard to suppress.

“Aww. Come here, you.” Jinsoul invites her into a hug and Jungeun can’t believe that her legs are betraying her by moving closer to the older girl. Jinsoul’s arms snake around her and the warmth she was missing all week slowly engulfs her whole. Jungeun’s arms seem to also have a mind of their own as they reach out under Jinsoul’s to wrap around her waist. Once comfortably settled in Jinsoul’s secure and protective hold, she decides to stop stressing over her limbs’ newly developed sense of sentience and sinks into Jinsoul’s embrace fully. She’d be overwhelmed by this sort of contact if it wasn’t placating her restless mind into a calmed state. Tears begin to well up because apparently that’s what her body decides she needs right now.

To cry in front of Jinsoul again.

 _Great_.

She tries to stifle a sob against Jinsoul’s shoulder. Jinsoul doesn’t miss a thing though, she begins to rub warm circles on her back and Jungeun feels her breath leave her lungs. She feels a choke coming and-

_Oh no.._

She’s crying. She’s unreservedly but not unabashedly crying again, and it’s made all the more embarrassing that it’s Jinsoul’s arms she’s crying like a baby into. Jinsoul doesn’t seem to mind though, she dutifully collects each and every one of her chokes and sobs and attempts to console her by cooing and muttering a flurry of _‘it’s okays’_ and _‘I’m here for yous’_ and _‘just let it all outs’_ to her.

She stays in Jinsoul’s arms for a while, the rubbing motions on her back don’t let up even for a moment. Once her shaking and sobs relent and she feels significantly lighter, Jungeun shifts her hold from Jinsoul’s waist to her arms and looks up at her.

“I’m sorry, I-” she begins embarrassedly but Jinsoul won’t let her.

“It’s okay.” Jinsoul repeats the words for the nth time.

Jungeun’s stomach grumbles loudly this time and they share a small laugh. Even though it’s short-lived, it’s the first time Jungeun has laughed the whole week, and she isn’t sure if she should credit Jinsoul her own stomach for it.

The answer is Jinsoul, of course, but Jungeun is just too dumb to figure that out just yet.

“C’mon, dinner’s getting cold.” Jinsoul gives her one last squeeze before letting go. And Jungeun wishes she could understand why that disappointed her so deeply.

-

They sit opposite to each other in the space between the two beds and Jinsoul finally begins to unwrap her care package. She pulls out two boxes of pizza all the while rambling about her day. Jungeun notices the boxes are from the same pizzeria Jinsoul took her to about a month ago and remembers how she couldn’t stop herself from raving about how much she loved the pizza there.

“So anyways I had to choose between this or sushi, and I don’t think sushi mixes well with your drink so pizza it was!”

“My what?”

Jinsoul pulls out two cups which she recognizes are from her favorite gongcha place. She hands her one of them with the words, “I hope I got your order right.” Jungeun rotates the cup to read the label and-

_“Jumbo size. Chocolate Milk Tea. 100% Sugar. 3x pearls. Less ice.“_

Jinsoul hates her order but she’d still gotten it spot on. Jungeun remembers ever ordering the drink in front of Jinsoul only once. Jinsoul’s disgusted expression was too difficult to erase from her own memory as well.

“How did you- never mind.” Jungeun doesn’t bother finishing that question, she really should stop asking at this point.

“Did I remember?” Jinsoul completes. “Your order is too ridiculous to forget. I was almost too embarrassed to ask the barista to make it, but I figured you needed the extra sugar.” She punctuates her sentence with a proud sip at her own americano.

“Thank you,” Jungeun takes a sip of her own drink and Jinsoul is so right, she really needed the sugar. But Jinsoul really didn’t have to travel all the way across town in between the two eateries and then back to campus. She’s just about to say it when Jinsoul breaks her train of thought.

“Don’t mention it,” Jinsoul pauses to take something else out of the bag, “I even got you extra boba, I know you like them.”

It’s a third cup filled with nothing but chocolate flavored tapioca pearls. And Jungeun has to will herself into not bursting into tears again.

-

Jinsoul suggests they should watch a movie once they’re done with dinner. She returns to the dorm after dumping all the empty boxes and cups down the trash chute in the hallway to find Jungeun seated on her bed and browsing for a movie on her laptop. The light from the screen shines brightly on her face and lights up her eyes. Jinsoul admires the sight from where she’s standing and Jungeun must’ve noticed it, because she pats the spot next to her on the bed and scoots to make room for her on it.

Jinsoul doesn’t think twice and plops herself down on the bed to Jungeun’s left, maybe a bit too hard by the way Jungeun directs an annoyed “aish” at her and moves her laptop away. Jinsoul shrugs and leans back on the bed, her head supported by the wall behind her at a weird angle. She twiddles her thumbs as she waits for Jungeun to finish selecting a movie.

“Okay, I can’t do this. I’m just playing whatever’s on my ‘watch next’ list so don’t complain.”

Complain about any time spent with Jungeun? _Sheesh_. It’s like she doesn’t know her at all. If Jinsoul could risk diabetes by willingly tasting Jungeun’s drink again, because apparently it would make the younger girl happy, then sitting through any stupid romcom with her is hardly a sacrifice in comparison.

Jungeun scoots back on the bed and glances at her, taking in Jinsoul’s posture in all of its wonderful awkwardness. Jinsoul feels her gaze pause for a bit on her right shoulder and she immediately rises to sit up straighter, and to make room for what she hopes Jungeun desires.

And Jinsoul is so right (she’s on a roll!), because she’s barely done adjusting to her new position when Jungeun swoops in to take her rightful spot on Jinsoul’s shoulder. The movement is so smooth, it’s like they’ve been doing it for ages. But Jungeun has a few modifications of her own to make, she shimmies down on the bed a little and moves Jinsoul’s arm so now her entire left is pressed firmly against Jinsoul’s right, and her head now much more comfortably settled atop Jinsoul’s shoulder.

_Jungeun. Just. Cuddled. Up. To. Her_

_ON. HER. BED._

Jinsoul is so lucky her face is out of Jungeun’s line of sight, otherwise she would’ve seen how panic-ridden and wide her eyes are and Jinsoul doesn’t think she has the emotional strength to deal with that situation. She silently prays that Jungeun can’t hear how stupidly hard her heart is pounding against her ribcage. Jungeun releases a sigh as she presses play on the movie Jinsoul can’t be bothered to pay attention to. Jinsoul suddenly realizes that her right arm is stuck halfway under Jungeun, her fingers nervously rap at the sheetS because she can’t figure out what to do with it or where to even put it.

“You can put your arm around me, it’s okay.”

Are all girls from Cheongju somehow also mind readers??? Jinsoul has to stop herself from screaming.

Jungeun hates being this clingy and needy, but Jinsoul’s presence and touch is comforting beyond belief and she needs that sort of contact right now. She doesn’t remember the last time she was like this with anyone besides Jiwoo. She feels secure being carefully nestled in Jinsoul’s side like this. She should’ve asked, she knows she should’ve asked for permission first, but she’s terrible at being communicative about her needs and it’s not like Jinsoul would’ve minded or pushed her away, right?

_Right????_

Jungeun can’t be bothered to pay attention to the movie either. She knows Jinsoul came here to check up on her, and she can’t just ruin the pleasant evening Jinsoul just gave her with her own worries. But Jinsoul is so patient and understanding, it took just the smallest and tiniest of a non-verbal hint of herself not being ready to talk about what happened the other day and Jinsoul yielded to her straight away. Jinsoul hasn’t even alluded to it since. It’s almost halfway through the film when the two characters on-screen are arguing about god knows what, that Jinsoul’s right arm finally comes around Jungeun to rub comforting motions on her back again, and Jungeun feels the need to address the elephant in the room Jinsoul was so kind to overlook for her sake.

“Jinsoul?”

“Hmm?”, Jungeun can feel the melodic hum of Jinsoul’s voice from the way her ear is pressed against her chest.

There’s a brief pause where Jungeun contemplates if she even wants to say what she plans on saying next, but Jinsoul’s hand moves from her back to give her arm a gentle squeeze and Jungeun finds the strength to continue.

“He.. He broke up with me,” Jungeun says weakly in a pained voice, so low like she doesn’t want the walls to overhear them.

There’s another pause, this time it’s Jinsoul; who puts a stop to her gentle ministrations on Jungeun’s arm and moves her hand to stroke at Jungeun's hair delicately.

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul’s voice is as gentle as her touch, and lulls Jungeun into opening up even more than originally planned. She’s struggling, and she knows she’ll regret letting the metaphorical pandora out of her metaphorical box. Just what will Jinsoul even think of her after this?

“He.. he also said that-,“

But just like before, Jinsoul won’t let her. With one hand still stroking the back of her head, Jinsoul turns towards her and brings her other arm to wrap around Jungeun’s frame and pulls her even closer. Jinsoul rests her chin above the crown of Jungeun’s head, leaving Jungeun to snuggle herself into the crook of Jinsoul’s neck.

“Jungeun, it’s okay. You don’t have to say anything right now.”

Jungeun breathes a sigh of relief and relaxes into Jinsoul’s embrace again. But much to her dismay, Jinsoul is already pulling away to resume their previous positions. And Jungeun wishes, once again, she could understand why that disappointed her so deeply.

-

Jinsoul isn’t sure when the movie ended to be honest, she’s been staring at the last frame of the rolling credits for almost half an hour now, not moving an inch because Jungeun had drifted off to sleep somewhere during the third act of the film.

_Jungeun. Just. Fell. Asleep._

_ON. HER. SHOULDER._

_ON. HER. BED._

Jinsoul touches her left index to her phone screen to check the time for the nth time. She needs to get going soon if she wants to make it back to her own dorm before curfew. She wants to and all cells of her body are screaming at her to just stay with Jungeun for the night, even Jiwoo won’t be coming back till tomorrow because her family’s in town. But it just doesn’t feel right. Not now, not tonight, not with the way her dreams have been all about undressing Jungeun and doing all sorts of unspeakable things with her. It’s taken this long for Jungeun to trust Jinsoul and allow her to get this close, and she’d never forgive herself if she ever did anything to make Jungeun regret trusting her by putting her in another uncomfortable situation again.

Besides, Jungeun needs a friend right now, not a lover.

So Jinsoul unwillingly decides to finally make her leave. She wraps both arms around Jungeun’s frame again to securely lift her from their position. This would be so much easier if her right arm wasn’t painfully numb from not being used for the past half hour or so. She’s thankful that lumbar strength is part of the football team’s training regimen because Jungeun doesn’t bat an eye as she’s carefully lifted into a sitting position and then subsequently lowered onto her pillow by the headrest, all the while her head is held and supported by Jinsoul like she would a baby’s.

It’s at that point that Jinsoul realizes that she’s basically on top of Jungeun, on her bed no less. Jungeun looks calm, her chest rising and falling steadily, and her lips are parted almost too invitingly. Jinsoul holds her breath as thoughts begin to wander to dangerous territories again.

_Yup. This is why I can’t stay the night._

Jinsoul quickly but carefully removes herself from on top of Jungeun. Once off the bed and with both feet firmly on the ground, she stands upright (a/n: The author chose not to use the word ‘straight’ because nothing about this AUs Jinsoul is straight) and releases the breath she was holding with a ‘phew’. She also dusts her sweater off, as if congratulating herself for once again maintaining her self-control in Jungeun’s presence. She looks back at Jungeun one last time and pulls up her Moomin blanket till she’s covered up to her jaw. Jinsoul considers undoing Jungeun’s hair and letting her blonde locks free, but she knows Jungeun likes it tied up, so she lets it be. She settles on the final contact between them tonight being brushing a stray lock of blonde hair out of Jungeun’s face and tucking it behind her ear.

_Why are you so cute….._

With a sigh, she bids the slumbering Jungeun goodnight. She turns the nightlight on and heads towards the door to slip on her coat again. Standing in the doorway, she switches the lights off and nearly rushes back in to check up on Jungeun again when she stirs in her sleep.

_She’s fine, she’s just changing her side, she’s going to be alright._

Jinsoul whispers another ‘goodnight’ into the air before closing the door, making sure that it’s locked before she releases the handle.

-

Jinsoul barely makes it back to her own dorm in time for curfew. She’s not sure what to make of her evening with Jungeun. Jinsoul knew this day was coming, she just didn’t anticipate it happen so suddenly, and truth be told she had kind of lost herself in the high of “unofficially” dating her. Jungeun is officially single now, and the balance of their relationship has shifted heavily in Jinsoul’s favor. A new kind of chasm has opened up between them and Jinsoul knows it’s going to take a while for Jungeun to come around and meet her halfway. Jungeun is so hurt, so distraught, so much that Jinsoul can’t possibly burden her with her own feelings just yet.

And thus, her watch begins.

“Hey.. you’re back early? I was thinking I might have to sneak you inside again like last time.” Sooyoung straightens up on her bed and removes her headphones from her ears.

“Ah, no, she kind of fell asleep on me.” Jinsoul shrugs off her coat and hangs it up in the closet.

“C’moooooonn,” Sooyoung whines. It’s very annoying. “Hit me with the deets!!”

Jinsoul rolls her eyes because she’d much rather hit Sooyoung with something else. Like a roundhouse kick to the back of her head for example. Jinsoul sits on Sooyoung’s bed and tells her about her evening, in a little less detail than she would tell Jiwoo. But that doesn’t stop her from gushing about how utterly soft Jungeun is, how pretty her eyes are, how nice her hair is, and how much she loves Jungeun’s lotion because it makes her smell of vanilla.

“Really? Not even a little kiss? I thought you’d be all over her honestly. I’m impressed.” Sooyoung says a bit too much like a big sister. But she’s right, Jinsoul’s never been the best at exercising self-control in these kind of circumstances.

“Ugh,” Jinsoul groans, “Trust me, I wanted to. But she was just so sad,” Jinsoul curves her lips into an exaggerated pout, “It just didn’t feel right.” and directs sad yet greasy puppy-eyes at Sooyoung.

“God,” Sooyoung grimaces, “You’re so gay.”

Jinsoul laughs, the nice and hearty kind. “Thanks. I had no idea.”

“You’re welcome.” Sooyoung shoots back playfully and resumes watching her dance practice videos again.

Jinsoul gets up to perform her bedtime rituals. It’s when she slips into her blanket and releases a sigh, waiting for sleep to come get her, that Sooyoung decides to bother her again.

“Hey,” Sooyoung is back on her bullshit again. Jinsoul can tell from the tone of her voice.

“What?” and Jinsoul wants to ignore her, but she knows it’ll only get worse if she does.

“You’re not planning on dreaming of her again tonight, right?”

_What?_

“Because the sounds you made when you came back from the fireworks festival,”

_Oh no…_

“I wasn’t sure if you were having fun,”

_OH NOOOOOOO_

“Or just having too much fun.”

_…_

“SOOYOUNG, SHUT UP.”

-

Jinsoul wakes up the next morning to another flurry of text messages from Jiwoo. Thankfully, they’re not panicked like last time. This time they’re a combination of Jiwoo’s version of Delighted and Overjoyed. With capital D and Os respectively.

“Lil’ Brat:”

_“THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOUUUUUU”  
“I L. O. V. E. LUV. YOU.“  
“U R LITERALLY AN ANGEL”  
“Jungie just says u guys hugged and im like lol???? can u hug me too????”  
“U R A GOD, A LEGEND, ROYALTY, A HERO AND I LOVE YOU”  
“no really hmu when u wake up~ im treating u to breakfast”_

Jinsoul clicks her phone locked again and leaves it on her chest. She smiles to herself thinking she managed to do something right for once. She tries to go back to sleep but her phone dings again, and it’s priority the notification tone, signaling that it’s a text from Jungeun this time.

“Kim Jungeun”

_“I’m sorry I fell asleep on you like that.  
I hope that wasn’t too embarrassing…  
Thank you for coming over yesterday.  
I had a good time.”_

Jinsoul smiles, because that’s the text she wanted to receive. Candid, created for her personally, and directly from Jungeun herself. She types and deletes her reply at least seven times and finally settles on sending her a simple little:

 _“It’s alright_ 😅😅 _anytime!”_

Jiwoo texts again almost instantly, complaining.

_“u really not gonna reply to my texts?”  
“huh”  
“friendship with jinsoul: cancelled.”_

Jinsoul inhales sharply and decides that it’s time to start her weekend before Jiwoo drives her crazy. Breakfast sounds nice, especially if it’s free! But breakfast turns into brunch and it ends up becoming a treat for all four of them together. Jinsoul tries to catch Jungeun’s eyes the whole time and Jungeun’s ears blush beet red whenever she meets her gaze. Thankfully Sooyoung and Jiwoo are too busy with each other to pay them any mind as they secretly sneak glances at one another and hold hands under the table.

-

Jinsoul hates football tryouts. She hated them when she was a freshman and she hates them still. She hates that they always take place in the dead of winter on a day too cold and too overcast for any normal human being to even consider stepping a foot outside. According to Coach Moon, it’s a test of any potential player’s endurance and commitment to the team. Jinsoul thinks it’s all bullshit and she could’ve easily avoided the whole thing if Sooyoung, you know THE CAPTAIN, wasn’t away on some class trip with the rest of her business major colleagues.

So, there she was, as the vice-captain and seniormost central defender of the team, filling in Sooyoung’s shoes and putting the “fresh meat” through their courses for a few positions that had opened up after a number of their previous teammates had graduated this year.

Jinsoul is relentless though, she doesn’t let anyone get past her. One of the new girls gets really close but she’s no match for the sliding tackle that finally brings her down. Jinsoul helps her get back to her feet, and she’s a good sport about the whole thing by laughing it off. She introduces herself as Hyunjin and Jinsoul just knows she’s going to see more of her around.

Jinsoul’s once pristine white training shirt is now covered in brown muddy stains. Jinsoul is sweaty, mucky, and above all freezing in the kit that allows just way too much air in when Coach Moon finally blows the whistle indicating the end to the tryouts. Jinsoul scurries into the gymnasium to take a much-needed hot shower.

Her feet and shins still feel cold despite the shower. She has some time to kill so after taking her backpack from her assigned locker, she decides to take a detour by the gymnasium’s heated swimming pool, hoping the humidity there would bring some peace to her shivering limbs.

Slipping out of her trainers and socks again and rolling up the legs of her light blue jeans to her knees, she sits by the pools edge and submerges her feet and legs into the warm water.

_Finally._

There’s only one other person in the pool area besides her, and they’re seated just like her on the exact opposite, deep end of the Olympic sized swimming pool. She has to squint to even take a look because she can’t be bothered to rummage through her backpack for her glasses right now. But Jinsoul can guess, from what she can make of their attire, that they are clearly using the pool as intended instead of as personal leg warmer like she is.

 _Who cares._ Jinsoul shrugs to herself and begins typing a text message to send to Jungeun.

 _“So, I’m at the pool right now, and  
I’m wondering when you’re planning  
on trying out for the swim team?  
_🏊🏼♀️🏊🏼♀️🏊🏼♀️ _”_

Jungeun’s not quick at replying normally, and she’s probably busy processing her feelings over another stupid thing that might have happened to her. Jinsoul chuckles to herself, finding the mental image of Jungeun panicking over the mere prospect of articulating her emotions to any living being other than her pet dog funny. Speaking of dogs, Jinsoul watches a video of a cute puppy and forwards that to Jungeun as well. Jungeun loves puppies. Jinsoul just wishes Jungeun would love her back too, since she’s pretty much her bitch already at this point.

All thoughts of Jungeun and puppies are brought to a sudden halt when Jinsoul realizes the figure once perched atop the deep end of the pool is now steadily swimming towards her in an impossibly perfect straight line. This is too surreal. The pool, the dimmed lighting, the figure approaching her, it all resembles a horror movie she watched just last night on Sooyoung’s insistence.

It’s in that moment when she’s frozen, and unable choose in between finding her glasses or just waiting for whoever is breast-stroking their way directly at her to come into her line of focus, that Jinsoul realizes that she’d never be one to survive in a horror movie.

Jinsoul squints again because she can now finally make out the parts of the now clearly female figure that has already crossed more than half of the pool. Jinsoul puts further strain on her retinas and see’s that the girl is blonde, wearing a blue swimsuit, has very slender arms, barely an ass, and shoulders strong enough to give a bull a run for it’s money. A little closer and it hits her that-

_Oh no. I really am stuck in a horror movie._

It’s Jungeun. It’s Jungeun who’s now floating upright effortlessly barely three feet away from her. It’s Jungeun who’s locked her in a gaze that’s forced all the air out of Jinsoul’s chest. Jinsoul isn’t cold anymore, in fact she’s now feeling impossibly warm in just about everywhere that warmth can penetrate her in the various parts of her body.

“What are you doing here?” Of course, Jinsoul is the one to ask a stupid question.

“Uhh,,, swimming?”, Jungeun replies flatly, raising an eyebrow at her from the water.

If this were a horror movie, Jinsoul’s character would be the dumb hot blonde trope that the director added to boost the sex-appeal of the film in the hopes of attracting more movie goers. You know, the first one to die right before the opening credits of the film all the while doing something possibly sexy; whose death not only introduces the main antagonist but also sets the tone for the rest for the film. Jinsoul already knows what sexy act she’d like to be engaged in the moments leading up to her character’s death.

If this were a horror movie, Jinsoul would have lifted Jungeun out of the water already, she already has an idea of how light she is. Jinsoul would hold Jungeun by the waist in between her legs and they would be locked in a kiss intense and vulgar enough to make conservative parents across the country scream and cover their children’s eyes. Jungeun would straddle her waist and Jinsoul’s greedy hands would roam at her back, pulling her closer and undoing the strings holding her swimsuit together. Jungeun’s own hands would move from Jinsoul’s neck to push her black cardigan off her shoulders. Once Jinsoul shrugs off said cardigan, Jungeun would trail kisses down her neck and briefly pull away to invite Jinsoul into the pool and Jinsoul would follow her to her literal death willingly, because let’s face it, her character hasn’t been designed to be intelligent. Now completely wet, Jinsoul’s white t-shirt would stick to her skin deliciously in all the right places offering the viewers their share of eye-candy, and Jinsoul a chance to gain some sympathy among them before her looming grand exit. It’s when they’re both in the water that Jinsoul would switch their positions and push Jungeun against the pool wall. As the dominant partner, she’d now be too busy placing hot and open-mouthed kisses on Jungeun’s exposed neck and shoulders to notice that Jungeun is finally starting to bare her fangs. Let’s assume Jungeun is a vampire or something in this movie, because vampires are hot. Hair dripping wet, makeup still intact, and overall looking just way too good for such a forgettable role, Jinsoul would lift Jungeun up again so she could wrap both her legs around Jinsoul’s waist firmly. If this film were Rated R, there’d probably be a lot more grinding and moaning involved but this piece of fanfiction is CLEARLY RATED TEEN AND UP AUDIENCES SO LET’S NOT GO THERE. Anyways at this point, Jinsoul has unquestioningly allowed her literal killer to engulf her in a literal death grip. This is the moment Jungeun would sink her fangs into Jinsoul’s neck, effectively signaling that we are indeed watching a horror movie on HBO, not a well shot porno. The water around them would turn red and stain both of them. Much to Jinsoul’s shock (again, her character is not supposed to be smart), Jungeun would drain her of all her life force and finally release her neck to leave her now limp body floating in the pool. Jungeun, who looks far too ravishing herself that she instills arousal among the viewers instead of fear, would smirk and take a final lick at her lips and fingers. The opening credits begin to roll.

Maybe Jinsoul’s character would make a surprise comeback in the final 3rd of the film because Jungeun was kind enough to turn her into a vampire as well in the pool. So, in a weird and convoluted way, this horror movie is still a win for the lesbians despite all the main characters being dead.

But sadly (sadly???) Jinsoul is not in a horror movie. Jinsoul is very much a law student who just got done with football practice and Jungeun is an art student who likes to swim. Jungeun wades to Jinsoul’s right and lifts herself out of the pool to sit next to her. She’s mindful enough to put enough space in between them to not get Jinsoul wet with the water dripping off her.

Little does Jungeun know that Jinsoul is already w- THERE ARE MINORS ON THE INTERNET, KEI. The author has to remind herself.

“I already did.” Jungeun says elegantly.

“Huh?” Jinsoul says stupidly.

“Your text. About the tryouts. I think I got in.”

_Oh._

Jinsoul blinks a few times to clear the haze in her eyes. “You did?”

“Yeah.. Everyone kind of started applauding when I was done with my set. The Coach basically begged me to become a member. So I think I got in.”

“Oh?” Jinsoul is finally coming back to her senses. “That’s great!”

“Thanks. Do you mind?” Jungeun makes a request, gesturing to the yellow towel on Jinsoul’s lap.

“Oh, no. Not at all.” Jungeun swipes the towel off her, and it slithers so agonizingly slowly across Jinsoul's thighs that she feels the demon in the pit of her stomach stir again.

Jungeun begins to pat herself dry and Jinsoul wishes she was in a horror movie.

Jinsoul turns to look at Jungeun and regrets it immediately. Jungeun’s blue swim-top isn’t exactly a bikini (for which Jinsoul is very very very thankful) but it does allow for Jinsoul to take in Jungeun’s neckline, collarbones, and shoulders in all of their combined and naked magnificence. Her midriff and abs stay covered by the material and the white motif adorning the front. But it does hike up at the sides for a tiiiny peak at Jungeun’s waist and the light blue shorts she’s wearing underneath.

A pool attendant comes by and thankfully snaps Jinsoul out of her trance. The attendant hands Jungeun another towel and a small waterproof bag. Jungeun accepts the two objects nimbly, she drapes the second towel around her shoulders. Jinsoul releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

“Hey, professor. When are you tutoring me by the way?” Jungeun teases her, laughing.

_She did not just….. she did not…. but she did… she really did._

Yes, Jungeun really just went there and acknowledged the other side of Jinsoul’s perverted fantasies.

“Uhh,” Jinsoul stammers, “Sometime this week? Is that okay?”

“That’s perfect.”

Jungeun takes her phone out from the waterproof bag the attendant had just handed to her. She swipes at her screen and sniggers while checking her messages.

“Cute puppy.”

And both Jinsoul and the readers wonder what the fuck is going on.

-

Jinsoul selects a bright and partially sunny winter day for her one-on-one tutoring session with Jungeun. She waits in one of the many campus grounds, sitting cross-legged on a dry patch of grass with a selection of books, notes, and notebooks infront of her. Jungeun comes speed walking into her view from the left. Jinsoul checks her watch and notes that Jungeun is tardy by exactly 3 minutes and 94 seconds. (The author knows that ‘ninety four seconds’ makes no sense, she's a nerd that just really wanted to include more than one Harry Potter reference.)

“You’re late. Ten points from Gryffindor.” Jinsoul reprimands, doing her best impression of Minerva McGonagall.

Jungeun stops to halt right before her, hew eyes widening and a twinkle of amusement shining in them. She bows to Jinsoul playfully, a full ninety degrees.

“I’m so sorry, professor. I got a little lost along the way.”

Jinsoul beams at her, enjoying that Jungeun indulged her nerdy side. She thinks Jungeun looks cute with how she’s wearing a black coat over her red hoodie, and her blue jeans adding a nice contrast. She just hopes Jungeun isn’t tired of seeing her dressed in so many black & white outfits, considering that Jinsoul has once again paired another white shirt with another black sweater and another pair of black jeans. But, hey, at least Jinsoul added a beige coat over the whole thing this time so there’s that.

“I don’t remember the rest of the dialogue, so sit down or I’m taking another ten points away.”

Jungeun grins and sits exactly opposite to Jinsoul once again. She takes out her own set of notes and books from her backpack and anticipates Jinsoul’s make-up lesson for the classes she missed a few weeks ago. Halfway through the tutoring session, a cloud above them shifts and the sun's rays begin to blind Jinsoul. She squints through her glasses but her already partially blind ass can’t hope to compete with the UV rays. She rotates her position and scoots closer to Jungeun so now she’s sitting with her right side towards the younger girl.

“Sorry, sun’s in my eyes.” And the play of words comparing Jungeun to the literal sun was totally implied. Sadly, Jungeun wasn’t able to pick up on it.

With the right side of Jinsoul’s face now in full view of Jungeun, and the sunlight casting beautiful shadows that further accentuate Jinsoul’s already pretty features, Jungeun couldn’t help but stare. The perfect bridge of her nose, the impeccable curled eyelashes, the ethereal side profile, the ear piercings shining with a life of their own, and oh?

_Has her jawline always been this sharp?_

Jinsoul is thankfully too busy looking for some notes she misplaced when she changed her position. In her shameless ogling, she completely misses that her own arm is steadily making its way to Jinsoul’s face. And before she can control it or even figure out what’s going on, she’s already touched the top of Jinsoul’s jaw, right next to her ear, in an effort to push back an unruly lock of blonde hair behind Jinsoul’s ear.

Jinsoul freezes, and her eyes widen.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh…,” Jungeun would answer if she had a clue. “Your hair,” she pauses again, “it won’t stay back.” Jungeun repeats her movements but this time she does it in full consciousness. Her own eyes widen and she recoils her hand back immediately. She wants to scream.

Jinsoul touches her own face where Jungeun’s hand was moments ago, confusion evident on her features.

“Jungeun, those are sideburns.”

Yep, Jungeun would really like to scream right about now.

Jinsoul awkwardly resumes the lesson, but Jungeun is way too embarrassed with herself to pay attention. So, she pretends to busy herself in the book before her. A few unbearable minutes pass and Jinsoul says something that knocks whatever sense left in her straight out.

“Do you want a kiss?”

_SCREAMING._

Jungeun can’t look up, she won’t dare. What even is going on? She begins to rock back on forth pretending to concentrate even harder on the book she doesn’t realize she’s holding upside down. She does look up eventually when she hears the rustling of a packet coming from Jinsoul’s direction.

Jinsoul is holding up a packet of Hershey’s kisses, you know, the chocolate, and offering it to her. Jungeun takes a piece or two awkwardly, because she can’t resist chocolate. And as she unwraps the candy, she wishes she could understand why not receiving an actual kiss from Jinsoul disappointed her so deeply.

-

(The author knows no one really cares about the academic side of this AU, so let’s just skip over the finals altogether.)

-

It’s party time! Finals papers, final exams, and final projects are FINALLY OVER (The author is sleep deprived and exhausted), and the entire university is divided into three groups of students:

One – Students who’ve dutifully wrapped up their semester will go home for the holidays with their heads held high.

Two – Students who have poorly wrapped up their semester and will go home in tears.

Three – Students that don’t really give a shit about their semester, they’re too busy getting drunk and will go home with a raging hangover.

Jinsoul and Sooyoung fall into the third category (okay maybe Jinsoul doesn’t because she’s a nerd). They’re both currently locked in a fierce battle of beer-pong with some of their teammates at their frat’s biggest party of the winter. This party serves two purposes; one, for the attendees to get shit-faced drunk (and maybe even laid), and two, to formally induct the football team’s newest members into the team (and maybe even laid).

Jinsoul and Sooyoung laugh at how Hyunjin, who made the cut of course, is now literally rolling on the floor as a penalty for losing said game of beer-pong.

Despite the outward excitement and euphoria of the whole affair, Jinsoul can’t help but feel a little saddened when Jungeun doesn’t come with Jiwoo to the party. Jiwoo promises that she’s on her way once she’s done attending some cheese and wine event set up by the Art Department.

Jinsoul waits, and minutes turn to hours and the beer swirling inside her red solo-cup is now a disgusting room temperature. She makes her way to the kitchen to get herself a refill and that’s where she spots the back of a head of blonde hair. She excitedly calls out to her, and the blonde figure turns her head to face her.

“Heeeyyy I was wondering when you’d show u- Oh. I’m sorry I thought you were someone I know.”

Sadly, it’s not Jungeun, in fact it’s not someone Jinsoul thinks she’s ever seen at one of these parties before. Leaning back, the girl crosses her legs on the couch she’s sitting on. The action makes the short, form-fitting black dress she’s wearing hike up even higher on her thighs.

“And who would that be?”, the new unknown blonde raises her eyebrows at Jinsoul suggestively, “Or is that just you trying to be cute?”

Jinsoul chuckles at her predicament. “Ah, you wouldn’t know her.” This girl she met not half a minute ago is clearly flirting with her. She just wishes her charms would work on Jungeun the same way as they are right now.

The same girl leans forward on the couch and twirls her own empty cup in Jinsoul’s direction and says, “Why don’t you get me a refill and tell me all about her?”

Jinsoul shrugs. Why not? There’s still no sign of Jungeun, and maybe this new blonde could keep her company till she finally does show up. So Jinsoul obliges, and gets the refill for this new girl and joins her on the couch.

The girl introduces herself as Sana, she’s a foreign exchange student from Japan but she’s thinking of transferring her degree to this university for “reasons” she doesn’t specify. Maybe Jinsoul is a little too drunk, maybe she’s enjoying the attention Sana is showering her with, maybe she’s liking the way Sana’s hands felt as they touched her arms and knees and slid up her thighs. Maybe she’s getting a thrill out of the way Sana’s once light touches have turned into heavy gropes at her shoulders and waist as she’s pushed against a wall in a secluded part of the house, and maybe she’s imagining that it’s Jungeun who’s now peppering kisses along her jaw and neck.

Maybe, just maybe, if she closes her eyes, she can pretend that it’s Jungeun whose fingers are greedily roaming around under her shirt, that’s it’s Jungeun’s lips pressed against her own, and that it’s Jungeun’s hands currently trying to undo the buckle of her belt.

Sana already has the blonde hair for it, but she’s too tall and too slender to be Jungeun. And when Jinsoul takes a sharp inhale, she realizes that she smells of cotton candy, not vanilla the way Jungeun does.

Mustering up self-control is surprisingly easy when Jungeun isn’t around. Using both her arms, she pushes Sana's hips gently but firmly to put some space in between herself and the blonde she doesn’t want. Jinsoul gives her a, “Sorry, I can’t do this.” Surprisingly Sana doesn’t seem to mind, she just smiles at Jinsoul and replies with an “I understand.” before sauntering off.

But not before giving Jinsoul one last sweet kiss as a parting gift and slipping her number into one of the pockets of her jeans.

-

Jungeun doesn’t come to the party, and she barely bids Jinsoul a goodbye as both leave for their respective homes the next day. Technically Jinsoul is going to Sooyoung’s home in Busan.

The 3-week semester break passes by agonizingly slowly. Jungeun keeps her replies to Jinsoul short and curt. Jinsoul resists the urge to talk to Jungeun about what's upset her, and she also resists the urge to tell Jungeun that she misses her every day.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL..... wasn't that a ride??????? Honestly, I had a lot of fun writing this, especially the pool-side scene hahaha. Would you believe it if I told you that it's completely filler and the idea to include it and write it the way I wrote it only came to me as I was typing it out. You can clearly tell how proud and excited I am about that bit, so I hope you guys really like it too.
> 
> Idk I guess I was in the mood to shitpost and a took the chance while the theme of the series is still just young people being stupidly in love. Later on the series will start covering topics that are of a much more serious nature so then it just wont be appropriate.
> 
> And yes, there DRAMA going on finally~~~~ and I know I said that I'd wrap this up in 5 chapters but I PROMISE U THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE LAST ONE.
> 
> When I was done writing the first half, I suddenly realized that what I'm writing is essentially gay lipsoul woomanna. So I couldn't help but slip them into this chapter as well. Besides the gay woomanna, I gave you cry baby and clingy lippie, lipsoul cuddling, lippie falling asleep during a movie, lippie failing to process her feelings, girl front lippie as vampire lippie, harry potter references, jinsoul with glasses, jinsoul being jungeun's bitch, sporty jinsoul, a sexy cliche poolside scene, tutor au, more digs at lip's gongcha drink and jinsoul never ending collection of black and white outfits, and most importantly fluff fluff and fluff, all packed in one lovely 10k chapter. So Y'ALL BETTER PUT SOME RESPECT ON MY NAME.
> 
> Their outfits through the chapter are as follows:  
> [Jinsoul](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DpkG_JSU8AgEcmz.jpg) comforting a [cry baby Lippie](https://twitter.com/loonatheworld/status/904992675559911424).  
> [Jinsoul](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EO5pjVlW4AMzxHM.jpg) being mentally assaulted by [Swimmer Vampire Lippie](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DPabs5YW4AEX_CD.jpg)  
> Jinsoul [tutoring](https://video.twimg.com/tweet_video/DrpXa47WwAEftgd.mp4) tardy Lippie
> 
> The horror movie that Jinsoul watched on Sooyoung's insistence is "It Follows". You should check it out!
> 
> Shout out to ao3 user and regular commenter FriedChips! You know what for ;)
> 
> Also this a/n is basically a one-shot in itself but I gotta plug in my [gay twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips). Come @ me on there, if u wanna get a sneak peak behind the ~~creative process~~ aka me lmao-ing as I write.
> 
> As always, take care of yourself and #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	6. not the last chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a needy and confused tsundere Jungeun struggles with her feelings.
> 
> ft. Greasy Jinsoul!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the way text messages are formatted.
> 
> and this is a 13k update, I hope you enjoy it!

-

Jiwoo believes in fate. She believes that she and Jungeun were fated to be twins, but they got separated at the womb somewhere along the mobius. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to Jungeun either. Jiwoo and Jungeun weren’t born on the same day, in the same town, or even in the same country, but none of that can stop Jiwoo from believing they’re twins, a one-plus-one package deal, two sides of the same coin.

That’s how she knows something’s wrong when she receives a text from Jungeun while she’s still at the party hosted by Sooyoung and Jinsoul’s frat house.

❣️️❤️💗💝💕 _Jungiiieeee_ 💕💝💗❤️❣️

_“can you come back? Please..”_

Okay maybe Jungeun’s wording was cryptic enough to let her know that she was troubled without Jiwoo having to engage her “twin-sense” for it.

“Hey babe?” Jiwoo calls to her girlfriend, who was busy timing how long two of her teammates could hold a headstand for.

“Yes, babe?” Sooyoung whips around so abruptly, that it makes said teammates lose their balance and tumble to the floor.

 _Ouch,_ Jiwoo grimaces but Sooyoung doesn’t pay them any mind, “What is it?”, and Sooyoung continues to ignore her teammates' complaints.

“I think I’m gonna head back now.” Jiwoo says.

“Now? It’s not even-” Sooyoung pauses to look at her wrist but she’s not wearing a watch, she looks around for a clock but doesn’t find one on the walls either. She looks back at Jiwoo, who’s now holding her phone in her face.

“It’s about an hour till curfew, I know.” Jiwoo smiles at her, pocketing her phone again.

“Awww are you sure? Can’t you stay a little longer?” Sooyoung whines in return.

Jiwoo shakes her head, “I’m sorry, I still have some packing to do,” she makes an excuse. She grabs Sooyoung by her cheeks and pulls her in for a chaste kiss. She then stares into Sooyoung’s eyes and lets her in on the actual reason behind her premature departure.

_It’s Jungeun._

Sooyoung nods understandingly, “Can I walk you back?”

Jiwoo shakes her head, “No, you go check on Jinsoul. She looked kind of sad the last time I saw her.”

Sooyoung laughs, because of course. Of course, Jinsoul is probably emo-ing by herself somewhere over Jungeun not coming to the party. Sooyoung doesn’t even know the half of it.

With that Sooyoung bids her girlfriend goodnight with another kiss, a hug, and a grope at her ass at which Jiwoo squeals and slaps her frisky hands away. She doesn’t actually mind though because she winks at Sooyoung before leaving.

“See you tomorrow, babe.”

Sooyoung begins her quest to track down her best friend. She checks in the kitchen, the main lounge, the numerous toilets of the house, she even walks in on two people literally having sex when she doesn’t knock before entering one of the bedrooms.

“SORRY SORRY SORRY,” but she still doesn’t leave, “Is Jinsoul around?”

“NO!” the couple screams as a door slams in her face.

Sooyoung shrugs and continues her search. She heads towards the back of the house through a dimly lit hallway and nearly falls face first when she trips over a pair of legs she didn’t see because of the darkness.

“DUDE, WHAT THE HELL?” Sooyoung yells at whoever dared to put their legs in her path when it was clear she really should’ve been paying more attention to where she was stepping in the first place. She squints at the slouched figure resting their back against the wall of the hallway, and she realizes that it’s-

“Jinsoul?! What are you doing here?”

To say that Jinsoul looks like a mess would be just downright wrong because she barely looks human by the way she’s just sitting there with her legs splayed out in front of her and not moving an inch. She’s barely breathing as she bores a hole into the wall in front of her with unmoving eyes.

“Bro?” Sooyoung crouches down and waves a hand in front of her face to get her attention. Jinsoul doesn’t respond and continues to stare at the wall in front of her robotically.

“Soullie you’re scaring me,” Sooyoung says worriedly and tries to shake Jinsoul out of her stupor. That finally gets Jinsoul’s attention but startles her at the same time. She gasps violently, while inhaling through her mouth that the sound erupting from her while doing so makes Sooyoung yelp and jump back in fear till her own back hits the wall Jinsoul was previously staring at. Jinsoul grabs at her chest with trembling hands and gulps and coughs in a way as if she were suffocating for air. Sooyoung scrambles to her and holds her by the face to force Jinsoul to look at her.

“Breath! C’mon Soullie, just breathe!” Sooyoung commands while Jinsoul’s pupils dart around trying to recognize where she even is.

“No! Focus on me! Just me and breathe through your fucking nose!” Sooyoung screams at her again, giving her face another shake. The shake proves effective this time because Jinsoul finally closes her eyes and takes a breath deep enough to fill her lungs to their capacity. Sooyoung releases her face to pull her into a hug. She then sways her stiff body back and forth while continuing to order her to focus on her voice and breathing.

That’s when other physical symptoms of Jinsoul’s current predicament make themselves known. She realizes just how painfully numb her whole body is; she’s tensed up in her limbs, her shoulders, her back and just about everywhere that she can be. Sooyoung rocking her back and forth - a motion that should’ve soothed her into a more relaxed state – does little to alleviate her condition.

“S-Sooyoung, I’m c-cold.” She manages to croak out. Her throat feels constricted and it hurts when she tries to make a sound. Sooyoung pulls back just a little to check her temperature with a palm to her forehead and realizes that Jinsoul is freezing and covered in cold sweat. It shouldn’t be like this because even though it’s winter, the house is jam packed with bodies and more than warm due to their combined humidities and the building’s own heating system. Sooyoung continues to dutifully hold on to her while her breathing stabilizes and her body relaxes.

“Soullie can you stand? I’m gonna take you to the medical center. It’s gonna be okay, alright?” Sooyoung isn’t sure if she’s trying to convince herself or her best friend. Jinsoul nods and Sooyoung moves to drape Jinsoul’s left arm over her own shoulders to pull her up. With a push, Jinsoul makes it to her feet but she falls back to her knees almost immediately. There’s a stabbing pain in her chest in and around her heart, and she can feel it pounding against her skull and in her fingertips.

“It hurts..” is the last thing Jinsoul manages to say before her world goes dark.

The party ends abruptly when an ambulance arrives to take Jinsoul to the university’s medical center. Even the doctors and staff there couldn’t quite accurately explain what happened to her. When Jinsoul wakes up the next day, she’s completely fine. Visibly shaken, but fine, nonetheless. So, the staff chalks it up to some sort of stress related panic attack. And who could blame them? It’s not like it was medically possible to diagnose that the pain Jinsoul was feeling was the universe’s way of punishing her for breaking her soulmate’s heart.

Jiwoo might be convinced that she and Jungeun are twins because of some quantum physics theory she skimmed through once when she was bored, and she might not be totally wrong about it either. But Jinsoul’s connection to Jungeun is even stronger, after all they’re the ones fated to be together due to a bond forged in the stars.

-

It takes a while for Jiwoo to make her way to the dorm she shares with Jungeun. And she’s almost convinced that her roommate has fallen asleep by the way she’s facing the wall. Jiwoo squints through the night-light realizes that Jungeun is shaking, and after hearing a sniff she realizes it’s the telltale signs of her best friend crying herself to sleep again.

“Jungie, can I turn the light on?” Jiwoo asks as softly as possible, not wanting to startle Jungeun.

“No,” Jungeun croaks weakly. She turns around to face the room as Jiwoo shuffles out of her shoes and hangs her jacket by the door. Jiwoo undoes the first button of her blouse because Jungeun has once again set the room’s thermostat to the highest possible setting.

Jungeun sits up in her bed when Jiwoo reaches her. Jiwoo realizes she’s already changed into her pajamas. She looks around and spots the outfit Jungeun wore during the day, neatly folded and resting on the chair beside her desk. Jiwoo smiles bittersweetly, because even if Jungeun is breaking down, she's still so meticulous and organized about it.

Jiwoo pulls her own chair close to sit in front of Jungeun. She caresses her temples and her face lovingly and brings her closer place a kiss on her forehead that Jungeun leans into.

“What happened, honey?” Jiwoo asks.

“Why do I fall for the worst kind of people?” Jungeun wipes her nose with a tissue and asks a question of her own in return.

“What do you mean?”

Because Jiwoo doesn’t understand why Jungeun would be suffering like this about her ex again? Did something else happen? Jiwoo can’t erase the image of Jungeun crouched in a fetal position against the bathroom wall after Jinsoul left their dorm that day. She remembers seething while Jungeun cried as she told her about how her ex only saw her a vessel to satisfy his urges. How Jungeun had believed that he liked her the way she did him, and how he had manipulated her into staying with him as long as she did despite the abuse he put her through. Jiwoo already had an inkling about these things, as rumors about her ex’s game of sleeping around with ‘those private school bitches' had somehow reached her ears. These were the same rumors she had refused to disclose to Jinsoul, but she also didn’t have the heart to tell Jungeun about as her best friend tried desperately to make the relationship work. She had hoped that Jungeun would realize her efforts were futile differently, but when the time came, she was already too late to protect Jungeun - her twin by heart if not by biology.

Jiwoo wishes she could reverse time, she wished she could stop Jungeun from getting involved in that relationship every time Jungeun came to her in tears, every time Jungeun couldn’t sleep at night, and every time she had an episode of anxiety because of him. Jiwoo also wishes that he played taekwondo instead of football, at least that way she could break his bones without getting into too much trouble for it.

“Jiwoo, she’s just like him.”

Jungeun wasn’t lying, it was too much to overlook. The hair, the profession, the charm, and the vitality. Add promiscuity to the list and Jinsoul was starting to look like a carbon copy of the person who had tormented Jungeun for the past year or so. Except Jinsoul was nothing like him at the same time. Jinsoul cared for her, paid attention to her, and she never touched her without first being asked to.

“I saw her making out with another girl.”

How could Jungeun even begin to explain that she realized her feelings too late, and for a girl she saw in the arms of another? That the girl who made her feel so safe and wanted had already moved on to her next "mark"? And how could she possibly explain that the girl she desired was also the girl she was most afraid of?

She tries to explain though, she struggles to, she chokes it out through sobs and hiccups.

“I’m so sorry, Jungeun..” Jiwoo says before taking Jungeun into her arms and shushing her. She’s shocked, she never expected Jinsoul to do anything like this. Jinsoul who has stomachaches because of how much she worries for Jungeun, Jinsoul who had all but verbally confessed that she was in love with Jungeun, the same Jinsoul who had started quizzing her even more aggressively about Jungeun’s preferences as she excitedly went about house-hunting for the perfect apartment for the two of them to live in after graduation.

Jiwoo can’t believe her ears, but the sounds of Jungeun whimpering in her arms as she spoons her from the back are too difficult to ignore. Jungeun’s sobs cut Jiwoo deeply because with each of Jungeun’s pained inhales she realizes that she had failed to protect her twin again.

And that Jungeun had just admitted to having feelings for Jinsoul.

-

Jungeun wanted to be angry at Jinsoul for the entirety of the semester break. Angry at her for making her fall for her and then angry at her for making her realize that she had fallen for her while kissing another girl. Oh, and for kissing the other girl in the first place. The irony of Jinsoul making out with basically a taller and curvier version of herself was not lost on Jungeun; it only added to her Jinsoul related grievances.

_Does she have a type? Blondes? Or is she just a narcissist?_

_Ew._

But what grounds, what standing, what reasons did she even have to be upset with Jinsoul, who’s only fault was that she acted on her own free will? No matter how much it hurt to admit, she wasn’t in a relationship with Jinsoul, her unwittingly slow and painfully oblivious nature when it came to reading romantic social cues had made sure of that. Another thing it accomplished was pushing Jinsoul away from her, literally into the arms of another person.

What’s important now is that she somehow figured out a way to quell her heart, which would beat erratically at the mere thought of the girl she found herself both charmed by and completely frightened of at the same time.

 _Jungeun, it’s too late. She’s not who you thought she was. You need to get over her._ She’d chant to herself like a mantra, both in the hopes of it working but also in the hopes of Jinsoul bursting into a room like she always does, with that bright almost blinding grin she had begun to find so endearing, and proving her wrong. She wanted the latter more than the former, even if she didn’t like to admit that to herself.

But all thoughts and convictions of diminishing her longing to be Jinsoul were quickly shunned when she learnt from Jiwoo that her newfound object of affections and source of dread had suffered a panic attack at the party. The same party where the gravity of her feelings had violently struck her and forced her to open her eyes. Now all she wanted was to see Jinsoul, see with her own eyes that she’s doing okay, see that she’s healthy and that she’s still the same Jinsoul she could trust.

And, no, Jungeun also won’t admit that the thing she wants most to hug the life out of the older girl for not taking care of herself. That she wants to hold her and embrace her till she’s back to being her normal self, much like the way Jinsoul had done for her a few months ago.

And for Jinsoul to maybe hold her in return and maybe accept her painfully overdue feelings.

Jungeun feels so bad, so extremely sorry for ignoring Jinsoul’s texts over the semester break and her stupid, passive-aggressive replies whenever she did decide to respond to the older girl.

 _What have I done?_ She wants to scream and break her phone. She can’t help but feel utterly devastated just wondering how Jinsoul must’ve felt on the receiving end of her cold behavior. But then she remembers that Jinsoul literally made out with and god knows what else with a girl she probably met for the first time at the party, and she puts all thoughts of being concerned for the older girl to bed immediately.

Speaking of beds… Yeah, let’s not speak of beds. Because beds make her think of Jinsoul sharing one with the girl she saw at the party. And sometimes she imagines herself with Jinsoul but she quickly shuts that thought away. Sometimes she sees herself with the other blonde instead of Jinsoul and sometimes it’s the three of them together and Jungeun has to literally slap herself before the images of this vain threesome of blondness flashing in her mind get even worse.

_Ew._

-

It’s the weekend before the start of the new semester and Jungeun is terrified at the prospect of coming face to face with Jinsoul again. Jinsoul had mentioned to her a while back that she’d be interning at a law firm so maybe she’ll be too occupied to take time out of what sounded like a very busy schedule to even consider meeting her. But Jungeun is so wrong because Jinsoul will always make time for her, which is evident by the text she receives while she’s unpacking her clothes.

“Jinsoul 🐟:”

_“Are you back? Can I see you today?”_

Jungeun suppresses a scream before her fingers involuntarily type up a reply. At this point she knows exactly why her limbs always act out on their own when it comes to the older girl. It’s her instincts guiding her and basically spelling it out for her exactly what she needs before her stupid brain could come in and put a roadblock in the middle of the process.

“ _Yes. I’d like to see you too.”_

And before she even knows it, her fingers take over again and send Jinsoul another text. The dreaded double-text, and it’s made all the more embarrassing by the fact that it’s just a single emoji.

“🥺”

Jungeun screams for real this time. Making Jiwoo jump and hit her head on a shelf.

-

Kim Jungeun:

“🥺”

_What the…?_

Jinsoul doesn’t know what to make of this text. Did Jungeun really double-text her? and with THAT emoji?? after ignoring her for three weeks??? What are you even doing?? Jinsoul presses a hand to her chest, her heart hadn’t really stopped acting out ever since the party. The doctor said the palpitations, and other symptoms like the light squeezing pain in her chest and the tremors in her hands were just leftovers from the panic attack she suffered at the party. ‘Like after-shocks after an earthquake’. Jinsoul wishes he had worded it better.

Jinsoul waits for Jungeun in one of the campus grounds, reading the message and trying to make sense of the younger girls’ actions. But Jungeun does something else to add to the list of things that leaves Jinsoul’s mind in a frenzy.

Jungeun comes speeding towards her, she’s literally running when she collides into Jinsoul and practically captures in her a bearhug. Jinsoul barely has time to react, but she does enough to catch Jungeun’s smaller frame as the younger girl wraps her arms around her neck and shoulders. Jinsoul’s phone slips from her fingers and she nearly steps on it as she backpedals from the force of Jungeun ramming into her. Jinsoul has never been more thankful for her lumbar strength in her whole life than she is at that moment.

_Did this girl really just try to run me over after ignoring me for nearly a month????_

But she doesn’t mind though, she really doesn’t. She’s missed Jungeun and her vanilla scent too much to care about the mechanics of how Jungeun hugged her as long as she hugged her. Jinsoul encircles her own arms around Jungeun bringing her even closer till their bodies are pressed together fully. They bury their faces in each other’s shoulders simultaneously, both breathing in each other’s presence and warmth. After a while Jungeun retracts her arms from around Jinsoul’s neck to hold her face in her hands.

“Are you okay?!” Jungeun asks, almost yelling, still high on the adrenaline of the run leading up to the tackle on an unsuspecting Jinsoul.

“You mean before or after you tried to bulldoze me?” Jungeun looks at her confusedly and Jinsoul can’t help but laugh, mostly because she’s so happy to see Jungeun again even if she’s currently judging the life out of her. She pulls her back into a hug, and Jungeun can’t help but be soothed by the way Jinsoul’s laugh rumbles inside her chest even if her arms, bent at the elbows are now awkwardly wedged in between them.

Jinsoul slowly loosens her hold on Jungeun’s torso to soften her landing. Even Jungeun hadn’t realized that her feet weren’t touching the ground. She feels a mixture of both shock and impressed at Jinsoul’s strength but mostly mortified because of what she had just done herself.

_KIM JUNGEUN, WHAT THE FUCK?_

But if Jinsoul noticed (she totally noticed), she was too sweet to say anything about it. Jinsoul picks up her phone from near her feet and doesn’t even bother checking it for damage before pocketing it. She beams at Jungeun and offers her right hand for her to take.

“C’mon, let’s go get some ice-cream. My treat.”

Jungeun looks at her, takes in how happy Jinsoul looks and feels ashamed that she’s the reason behind the stars in Jinsoul’s eyes. With her ears starting to turn red, Jungeun desperately tries to control her raging heart as she gingerly slips her fingers into Jinsoul’s warm ones.

-

Jinsoul takes her to the same in-campus café as she did on the day they went bowling together. She orders for both of them, and gets Jungeun’s flavour and toppings options spot on. Jungeun has to stop herself from ripping her hair out of her head because of course. Of course, Jinsoul just _knows_ what to do where Jungeun can’t even string two coherent sentences together. They sit face-to-face on one of the wooden benches outside the café to enjoy their treats and what’s left of the cold season.

Apparently, half of the university had also decided to drop by, because the place is packed to capacity and Jungeun was fortunate to spot an empty table when she did. They catch up on each other’s semester breaks, and every time Jungeun gets close to apologizing for her cold behavior during said break, Jinsoul interrupts her with another story about herself or Sooyoung or whatever they were up to during the past three weeks.

But there are not one but TWO elephants in the room – courtyard in this case - this time around. One being her behavior and the other being the panic attack Jinsoul suffered. But Jinsoul will just not stop going on and on about how Sooyoung’s pet dog had almost ruined dinner one night. Jungeun spots her window of opportunity when Jinsoul pauses to take a breath and she takes it.. awkwardly.

“Jinsoul!” She says maybe a bit too loudly because of how the older girl just freezes and how half the patrons in the cafe’s outdoor sitting area whip their heads around to look at her.

“Uh..” Jungeun stammers, embarrassed at her outburst.

“What is it? Did I say something wrong?” Jinsoul asks cautiously.

“No,” With her elbows on the table, Jungeun runs both of her hands through her hair and tugs at them a little to calm her nerves because she will never not be affected by Jinsoul needlessly showing concern for her. “Uh.. I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?”

Jungeun releases a sigh and her hair, “It’s about what happened at the party.”

She immediately regrets her abrupt segue into the topic because of the way Jinsoul flinches when being reminded of it, so she quickly supplements her statement with a, “I was worried worried sick about you.”

There’s a pause where both of them try to figure out what to say next.

“Jungeun what are you saying?” Jinsoul asks, confused.

“The panic attack,” Jungeun says quietly, “I get them too.” Almost too quiet for Jinsoul to hear. The live band there starts playing their music, and they’re both seated too close to the speakers. Jinsoul furrows her eyebrows at the volume and hurriedly gets up to sit on the other side of the bench, next to Jungeun on her left.

Jungeun feels her heart quicken again as Jinsoul slides up next to her, she looks genuinely concerned for her with the way her eyebrows are arched the way they are. Jungeun adds that to her mental list of Jinsoul-quirks-she-finds-adorable-yet-heart-wrenching-at-the-same-time.

“W-what are y-you doing?” Jungeun stutters.

“Sorry I could barely hear you,” Jinsoul clarifies before adding, “Did you just say you have panic attacks?”

“Yes, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about.” Jungeun’s gaze travels to meet Jinsoul’s.

_Please._

Jungeun makes a silent request.

_Okay._

And Jinsoul concedes without hesitation.

Jungeun inhales, “I just wanted to check up on you, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Jungeun.”

Jungeun exhales, “You sure?”

“Yes, I don’t really have a history of these things. The doctor just said I should try to relax and do some breathing exercises. And that he’d consider treatment if it happened again.”

Jungeun hums a little, taking the information in. Her worries still not placated. “I heard an ambulance came to get you.”

“Yeah,” Jinsoul smiles at her, “What a party pooper I turned out to be, huh?” 

“Oh my god!” Jungeun looks at her with an exasperated expression. “Are you seriously turning this into a joke right now?”

Jungeun’s limbs do that thing again, where they just do things on their own when she’s around Jinsoul. Jungeun doesn't even know when she had balled her right hand into fist. She notices only after she’s already punched Jinsoul in the arm with it for her clownery. It wasn't a light hit in any way, Jungeun had put her whole strength behind it. Jinsoul erupts into a laugh in a split second. Doubling over the bench, she continues laughing while clutching onto where Jungeun had just hit her.

“I hate you!” Jungeun says aggravatedly. She bangs the table with the same fist she used to hit Jinsoul with, all the while trying to fight back her own smile.

“Ouch!” Jinsoul fakes a grimace, but quickly straightens up “No, you don’t!” She teases with a wink, still rubbing her arm.

Jinsoul doesn't realize at first how much that little action of her's had terrorized Jungeun. But she does once all traces of the smile that was creeping up on Jungeun’s features cease immediately, her expression falls blank in a flash, and her entire face flushes red in less time than it takes for a heart to beat.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jinsoul tries her best attempt at comfort while still teasing the younger girl, “I don't hate you either.” But that only makes matters worse for Jungeun. She needs a place to hide, and like an ostrich she figures burying her face into her hands will somehow make her invisible to Jinsoul. So she does just that, and releases a frustrated groan.

“Oh c’mon,” and Jinsoul just won’t shut up. She wraps an arm around Jungeun’s slouched figure, pulling her into a half-hug that the younger girl automatically leans into. “You're too cute for this. I’m just messing with you.”

Jungeun releases another shaky breath into her palms, “Please stop,” she begs in a mumble. But not before overthinking about, ‘ _Wait, did she just call me cute???’_

Jinsoul laughs again and finally relents. She squeezes Jungeun’s shoulders with the arm still around her one last time before releasing her. “Let’s get out of here.”

And as they begin to leave, Jungeun realizes that she didn’t even get to address the second elephant in the courtyard. Jinsoul looks too happy right now to be bothered with an apology over Jungeun's communication blockade - something the older girl might not even have a clue about. Jungeun isn't sure what to make of it all, and she isn't sure how to feel about it either.

_Is she really overlooking it for my sake? Or did she just not notice?_

Jungeun isn't sure what she'd rather want either. All she knows is that she feels bad. But shouldn't it make her feel better that Jinsoul was willing to forgive her without even talking about it first? And shouldn't it ease her guilt if Jinsoul hadn't even noticed her silence like Jungeun suspected?

Jungeun can't help but feel both touched and uneasy at the possibilities, she wishes she could make up her mind.

 _Another time,_ Jungeun figures.

-

“It’s about what happened at the party.”

Jinsoul flinches and feels her breath hitch. This is exactly why she wanted to meet Jungeun today. To come clean and apologize for what happened at the party in the hopes of repairing the distance that had come in between them ever since. But the mere idea of Jungeun having already indirectly learnt about her intoxicated indiscretions made a shiver run up her spine. Jinsoul was almost convinced that Jungeun knew or that she’d heard from someone by the way she ignored her over the break. But the way the younger girl had hugged her just previously made her think otherwise. At least, that's what she had hoped for.

Jinsoul regrets her actions terribly. It's not like her to be as unrestrained as she was that night, especially not since Jungeun came into her life. Celibacy isn't working out for Jinsoul at all, but she was willing to live with it for as long as it takes.

_For Jungeun, anything for Jungeun._

And it's not like Jinsoul could tell her that, in her mind, it was Jungeun she was locked up in that make-out session with, without insulting her in the process. Jungeun doesn't deserve to feel like she could be replaced that easily, or for her to think that Jinsoul could even fathom being with someone the way she wanted to be with her.

Even in her inebriated state, Jinsoul felt bad for what had happened. She didn't mean to or even want to use Sana or Jungeun the way she almost did. It was one of the worst decisions of her life, and in her own way, she attempted to correct it by trying to remove the lingering scent of cotton candy that was still stuck to her like a shameful tattoo and irritating her nostrils.

That's the last thing she remembers doing before her breath choked up and her legs gave away.

Jinsoul begins to tell her side of the story. She had a whole apology prepared but she can’t remember it for her life, "Jung-"

"I was worried sick about you," Jungeun interrupts her.

That's not what Jinsoul was expecting at all. Jinsoul pauses again, dumbstruck. She opens her mouth to try again but ends up asking a question instead in her confusion.

"Jungeun, what are you saying?"

"The panic attack,"

_Wait, she doesn't know?_

"I get them too."

_Wait. What?_

After that Jinsoul was too worried about Jungeun to care about what had happened at the party. Questions like "Why do you have panic attacks? What happened to you? And how do I make them go away?" suddenly became more important, but Jungeun puts a stop to it before she can even begin to voice her sentiments. Jinsoul tries to ask, but she can't help but yield to the younger girls’ pleas. It's just not possible. It's just physically impossible for Jinsoul to impose her own feelings on Jungeun even if they all stem from the concern she feels for the younger girl in the first place.

She reluctantly allows the focus of the discussion to be herself. Even then it's not what she'd rather talk about. But Jungeun is determined to check up on her so she says whatever she needs to say and does whatever she needs to do placate the younger girl's worries.

Even if she had to take a literal punch to her arm in the process- which hurt like a bitch by the way - Jinsoul thought it was barely a sacrifice in exchange for elevating Jungeun's mood and receiving her shy smile in return.

But Jinsoul didn't get to confess about her boozy buffoonery, the same way Jungeun didn't get to apologise for her brazen communication blackout. With the bashful red tinge still clinging to Jungeun's features, Jinsoul decides that the younger girl shouldn't be burdened with anymore dilemmas from her end for the time-being.

 _Another time_ , Jinsoul figures.

-

Jinsoul is pretty sure she's stuck in the ninth circle of hell. With bags under her eyes, she stares at the last of many case files that her boss had asked her to go through and organize each set of pleadings, evidence, summons, order-sheets according to the order of hearings and to make notes for the upcoming arguments.

Jinsoul has never been busier in her life. She thought last semester's "glorified TA" position was bad, but this internship had her sacrificing nearly all social and personal aspects of her life. She barely has enough time to keep up with the rest of her classes - which weren't that many thanks to the AP courses she took in her first summer break - let alone engage in any activity because she'd much rather catch up on her sleep if her schedule allowed her any extra hours.

The worst part of her new routine, however, was that she hadn't seen Jungeun since they went to get ice-cream in the first week of the semester. It's been a month since and she's itching to see her again. Of course, she sees her blonde beloved in and around campus, but those encounters were always too brief. And with Jinsoul _always_ having to go somewhere and in the biggest of hurries, Jungeun's attention on her and their hugs would be too fleeting to come even close to satisfying her need to be around the girl. 

She's even too tired to wet-dream properly. Last time she tried, her dream-self ended up collapsing out of exhaustion on top of dream-Jungeun while they were at it. The worst part was that it woke her up in the middle of the night, effectively denying her both her slumber and her slumber induced orgasm. She screamed out of frustration, but it didn't wake Sooyoung thanks to the lifetime supply of noise cancelling earbuds she had bought for her best friend after Sooyoung threatened to tape her and use the recordings as blackmail if they ever turned into arch-nemesis. Sooyoung had already decided her origin story would be "being sick of her sexually deprived best friend moaning in her sleep" and her superpower would be "to induce orgams at will among the population".

Jinsoul sighs, as she goes through the stack of evidence papers, purchase orders, receipts, bank statements, etc and vows to never touch another company law casefile unless she was setting it on fire.

Taking another coffee break, she realizes that she should be done pretty soon if her boss doesn't assign her another task. Naturally, she wonders if Jungeun is free tonight.

Not having met up with Jungeun "properly" for a month meant she still hadn't confessed about her inebriated indecencies. The need to be honest and open with the younger girl is stronger now than ever and the guilt of the whole thing feels like it’s eating her up by the way her chest always squeezed when she thought of the younger girl. She needs to bridge the space in between them before it becomes too much to repair. 

Jungeun's behavior with her is a bit unpredictable as well. She'll ignore her for weeks but try to knock her off her feet with a hug. She won't reply to her texts but will be worried to the point of tears about her health. She won't initiate any communication with her but will absolutely light up during their brief meetings on campus. 

Qualifying her behavior as "mixed signals" would do a sheer injustice to the way it does a number on Jinsoul's already overworked brain. She feels like a volleyball being smacked around from one end of the court to the other, like she's stuck in an endless loop of the chorus of Katy Perry's 2008 smash summer hit and grammy winning song "Hot & Cold". Jinsoul is so mind-boggled on how to approach the younger girl now that now she feels the need to literally ask her for her time, where previously she'd just shoot her a text like no big deal. Why was it easier to ask her out when she wasn't single????

_"Are you free tonight? Can I_ _  
_ _take you out for dinner?"_

Jinsoul would rather eat he- rein it in Kei, rein it in. The author apologizes for herself. Celibacy isn't exactly working out for her either.

Jungeun's reply is almost instant.

 _"I was planning on shopping for some_ _  
_ _supplies at Lotte, see you there?"_

 _"Perfect!_ 😁” 

But Jinsoul has one more request.

_"Wear something pretty?"_

Too tired to care that she'd be triple texting, she tacks on another one with a snicker.

_"Not that you're not always pretty."_

There's a pause this time, and Jinsoul can almost imagine Jungeun blushing on the other end. 

_"Sure."_

_"I'll see if I can get us a reservation,_ _  
_ _I'll text you where to meet."_

Jinsoul punches the air before making some calls and getting back to work.

_-_

Jung Jinsoul has Kim Jungeun wearing a pretty dress and high heels. Kim Jungeun, who wears pants like a second skin and slaps belts around her waist tightly. Kim Jungeun, who dresses up in boyish clothes (her own words, not mine), who wears jackets and oversized sweaters. Yes, that Kim Jungeun.

Exactly what else are you supposed to do when Jung Jinsoul takes time out of her busy schedule and asks you to meet her for dinner while wearing something pretty?

You do just as you're asked, that's what. But first, you allow yourself the luxury of a meltdown in your dorm over the exchange on text and then immediately rummage through your entire closet because do you even have a dress, let alone a pretty one?

At least that's what Jungeun had just done. With her room now a mess and her clothes scattered everywhere, she had come to the conclusion that shocked absolutely no one: Kim Jungeun did not own a dress.

After scavenging around in the various piles of clothing and accessories for her phone - which she had thrown away with a shriek as if it carried some form of communicable disease.

(The disease being Jung Jinsoul, and Jungeun being already infected by her.)

She finds her phone inside one of her shoes and quickly sends Jiwoo a text.

Jiwooming 🐧:

 _"Jinsoul just asked to meet up_ _  
_ _for dinner. I need your help."_

Jungeun hears a familiar notification tone coming from the opposite side of the dorm’s doorway. She rolls her eyes as Jiwoo comes into the room squealing with her phone in her hand. But she stops mid-squeal noticing the mess she found her usually pristine room in, and Jungeun sitting in the centre of it like a guilty potato.

"What is this…?" Jiwoo asks, her eyes darting around the room.

"I have nothing to wear!” Jungeun explains exasperatedly.

Jiwoo just looks at her like she can't believe her eyes and ears. She gestures towards the piles of clothing that were plenty enough to clothe a small village, if not small Jungeun herself.

"Really? Nothing?"

"Just look at this." Jungeun holds up her phone for Jiwoo to take.

Using her long legs which make up like 90% of her body, Jiwoo steps over the various mounds of apparel to reach Jungeun. She takes the phone and sits beside her on what she assumes and hopes is a suitcase.

“Oooooh!” Jiwoo coos excitedly like a proud mother while reading Jinsoul's texts, before she raises a question Jugeun’s puny brain hadn't even considered.

“Wait, is this a date?”

 _A what now?_ Jungeun looks like she’s suffering from a computing error. Pee Pee Poo Poo. Her eyes wide, and shaking in their sockets. Lips pursed together and face stretched into the most painfully uncomfortable expression possible.

“Nooooooooooooooooooo…..” Jungeun says, trying to pretend how the mere insinuation of going out on a _date_ date with Jinsoul had totally not wrecked her to her core. Totally not.

“Why would she take me out on a date?” Jungeun slaps Jiwoo’s arm, and uses her free hand to cover her face. She fakes a laugh, throwing her head back in the process, not sure if she’s trying to convince herself of Jiwoo. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, she adds an exaggerated scoff and another roll of her eyes into the mix.

Jungeun is fully aware of how lame she looks, and Jiwoo looks at the camera like she’s in an episode of The Office.

Another thing you’re supposed to do when Jung Jinsoul asks you to meet her for dinner while wearing something pretty (“It’s not a date!” Jungeun still swears by it) is dropping all your previous plans of shopping for art supplies and going shopping for a pretty dress you’re in desperate need of instead.

As if that’s not enough already, you get your hair and makeup done as well. It was your best friend who put you up to it, of course. It totally wasn't your idea. I-it’s not like you wanted to i-impress your not-date or anything. Totally not. Just what do you take Jungeun for, y-you b-baka?!

That’s how Jungeun found herself where she was now, perched atop a bar-stool in an open-air rooftop restaurant constructed on the 81st floor of the tallest skyscraper in the city. The restaurant offers to its patrons not only a chance to enjoy the sweet spring weather, but also a panoramic view of the entire city. Considering the short-notice, Jinsoul had really outdone herself. As usual.

Jungeun tugs at the ends of her dress, which he hopes is pretty enough for Jinsoul’s liking, as she waits for her to show up. 

“Would you like a drink as you wait, Miss?” The bartender asks politely. Jungeun figures she might as well indulge herself, and the alcohol could help take the edge off her nerves.

“Yes, I’d like a Cosmo.” Jungeun doesn't mean to be tacky, it's just that the author’s knowledge when it comes to alcoholic beverages and cocktails is very very limited. And she learnt from another LipSoul fic (link in a/n) that cosmos are sweet? And Jungeun likes sweet things so… there’s that.

“Right on it, Miss.” The bartender nods and starts preparing her drink for her.

Jinsoul arrives at the restaurant considerably later than she had planned on. As expected, her boss did assign another task to her last minute. She had already texted and apologized to Jungeun about her tardiness, and just hopes Jungeun won’t be too upset with her.

Checking her makeup in the bathroom mirror for the last time. She adjusts the collar of her white shirt and the loose knot of the black lavallière around her neck. She straightens out her checkered black and white blazer by running her hands over it, removing a few specks of lint in the process. She puffs up her cheeks with air and releases it with a huff.

Jinsoul steps onto the wooden deck of the rooftop restaurant. On informing the receptionist of her reservation, she’s pointed to where Jungeun and their table is. The soles of her long boots make satisfying clacks against the floor as she makes her way to the bar. She scans the area for the girl she's dying to see after so long, half expecting her to be dressed up in a pair of jeans and a hoodie again. Her vision zeros-in on a familiar broad-shouldered figure and she feels her heart jump to her throat.

Nothing. Nothing could have ever prepared her for how mesmerizing Jungeun looks tonight. Jungeun’s wearing a full-sleeved, round necked black one-piece dress as she sips on her cherry colored drink. The shoulders, back, and sleeves of her dress are lacey with a webbed pattern scattered all along the length of the arms. From the chest and below, the dress is a solid black and it hugs Jungeun around her waist in all the right ways before feathering out into a skirt where it ends in the middle of her thighs.

Jungeun turns at her approach and Jinsoul feels weak in the knees. Jungeun’s blonde hair is parted to her right, and it cascades beautifully down her shoulders and onto her chest in luxurious waves. Jungeun elegantly slips off the barstool, which resembles more a throne considering how Jinsoul pretty much saw Jungeun as a queen in that moment.

“I--,” Jinsoul stammers, not ceasing her shameless ogling.

“Is this the part where I take ten points off Ravenclaw? Because you’re late.” Jungeun says flatly. Surprisingly she isn't embarrassed by the way Jinsoul is just raking her up with her eyes. She actually feels a little flattered.

“And you’re stunning.” Jinsoul replies, not an ounce of ridicule in her voice.

Jungeun blushes because that sincere and completely heartfelt compliment finally broke her previous resolution of giving Jinsoul a tough time for the delay in her arrival. Jungeun ducks her head downwards and whispers an unheard, "You're forgiven," before Jinsoul gestures to the bartender to add Jungeun's tab to her own and whisks her away to their table.

Jinsoul pulls out Jungeun's seat, and pushes it back in for her before taking her own.

"Jungeun, you're a sight for sore eyes, and I mean it both literally and figuratively." Jinsoul keeps adding to her barrage of unfiltered and unchecked compliments.

"Please," Jungeun says, still blushing a little and smiling, "You look great too."

"Me?" Jinsoul's voice raises a little in pitch before coming back down again, "I just threw this on," That was a lie, "You on the other hand? You're gorgeous." That was the truth.

Jinsoul's eyes are deep and Jungeun can spot nothing but an infinite amount of tenderness in them.

"Thank you," Jungeun whispers again.

"No problem," Jinsoul says as she signals for a waiter to take their order.

Jinsoul orders for both of them, leaving Jungeun wondering if the older girl is somehow spiritually connected to her stomach and taste buds because she _never_ gets it wrong. They catch up on the happenings of the past few weeks as they wait for their food. Jinsoul lights up when the younger girl briefly complains about not seeing their "cute professor" around much anymore. A statement that Jinsoul would've previously grimaced at, but she'd take any compliment from Jungeun right now. The conversation then segues into Jinsoul's internship and all Jinsoul does is point to the bags under eyes and Jungeun, being the sleepy head she is, understands completely.

"Why didn't you rest today if you had the time?" Jungeun asks, worried for her health again.

"Nah, I missed you too much," she smiles even more when Jungeun involuntarily ducks her head down again, "and there's some things I want to talk to you about." 

Jinsoul contemplates if now is the right time, but it's just the start of their evening and she doesn't want to sour the mood just yet. Instead she pats at the breast pocket of her blazer, confirming that the little box is still there.

"About?" Jungeun asks.

"I got you something for your birthday," Jinsoul says shyly.

"What? My birthday was-" 

"Two months ago, I know. I just saw something when I was in Busan." Jinsoul takes a small blue box out from her breast pocket and fiddles with it a little, "It was around your birthday at the time so it still counts?"

She slides it over with a nervous smile and a, "Happy Belated Birthday, Jungeun."

Jungeun stares at the box in front of her. Jinsoul was out buying gifts for her? And Jungeun was stupid enough to think she didn't even notice that she was ignoring her? God, has Jungeun ever felt like a bigger idiot.

"You're supposed to open it," Jinsoul quips with a smile, snapping Jungeun out of her daze. Overwhelmed with guilt and regret for the way she treated Jinsoul, Jungeun almost doesn't want to accept it. Whatever is it, but she suspects it's jewelry by the size of the box.

"Ah, yeah" she moves to wrap her fingers around the box. She considers putting it in her clutch straight away but Jinsoul's gaze is too hopeful, too expectant for her to do something like that.

She opens the box to find a pair of diamond earrings adorned with a silver crown just above the precious stone. Her heart both slows down and quickens in pace at the same time, if that's even possible. Of course she shouldn't have put it past Jinsoul to notice that she liked earring and piercings. But she's still so touched. Jinsoul treats her so well already, she doesn't have to do this. She doesn't have to do any of this. 

"Do you like it?" There's a little hint of insecurity in Jinsoul's voice this time and Jungeun can't bear to hear it. She doesn't have the vocabulary to put her gratitude towards Jinsoul in words, so she decides to try a different approach.

"Can I wear them right now?"

Jinsoul pauses, and her eyes soften even more, "Yes, I'd like that a lot."

Jungeun takes off the blue pearl earrings she actually wore to the not-date. She may or may not have chosen them to match Jinsoul's favorite color but it didn't matter anymore as Jungeun clipped on the new silver ones to earlobes.

"How do I look?" Jungeun asks, straightening up once she's done.

"Beautiful," Jinsoul says sincerely, looking more like she was the one who had received belated and heartfelt gifts just prior.

Jinsoul saw Jungeun as a queen tonight, so she gave her two crowns to match, even if they were for her ears and didn't go on her head.

-

Once dinner is over with, Jinsoul suggests they take a little stroll around the deck to enjoy the view. Jungeun obliges and waits for Jinsoul to come to her side before rising from her seat. Jinsoul smiles at her and guides her towards an empty space on the balcony.

That's when things begin to take a wrong turn for Jungeun. Jinsoul's left hand is on the small of her back, just like it was on the night of the party when Jinsoul had guided the other blonde to the back of the house for god knows what after their make-out session on the couch. Instead of feeling the warmth that Jinsoul's touch usually brings her, she feels uneasy and the memory leaves a bitter taste in her mouth. Jungeun shakes off Jinsoul's arm when they reach the balcony, and wonders if Jinsoul had already brought the other blonde to this place or any of the other places she's been to with Jinsoul. She wonders exactly how many gifts it took for the other blonde to be charmed into making out or maybe even sleeping with Jinsoul. She wonders how many other girls Jinsoul is playing her games with, and the idea of being a pawn in one of them leaves Jungeun with a scowl on her face and feeling disgusted with herself.

"Jungeun?" Jinsoul notices the change in the way she began to carry herself, "Is everything okay?" 

Jungeun won't turn her head to look at her. Jinsoul reaches out with her left hand to take Jungeun's right. Her fingers wrap around her hand and touch the inside of her palm and for the first time ever, Jungeun _flinches away_ from her.

"Jungeun?!” There's an obvious, almost too obvious note of insecurity in Jinsoul's voice as she called her name for the second time. It puts a halt in the middle of Jungeun retracting her hand from Jinsoul's. She looks up to see panic and distress written all over Jinsoul's features but the sour taste in Jungeun's mouth prevents her from feeling empathy for the older girl. She’s just about to unhook Jinsoul's index from her pinky - the only remaining contact in between them - when she spots helplessness and vulnerability flash in Jinsoul’s eyes.

_Please…_

Jinsoul swallows and opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. Jinsoul, who always has a quip or punchline ready at all times is at a loss for words. Jungeun almost feels sorry for her because this has never happened before. Jinsoul has never been this weak before her, she's never pleaded or begged for anything the way she's doing right now for Jungeun to not let go of her. Jungeun sighs, she allows for the what's left of the contact between them to remain. At least until she hears what Jinsoul has to say for herself.

"How long are you planning on keeping this game going?"

"W-what game?" Jinsoul asks, her voice suddenly a lot more hoarse and scratchy than it was a few seconds ago.

"The one you're playing with me."

"I'm not…." Jinsoul blinks like she can't believe what she's hearing, "You're not a game to me!"

"Then how do you explain why you were making out with that girl at the party?"

Jinsoul does a sharp inhale and her eyes widen, "How did you.." 

"I was there, I saw you with my own eyes."

There's a terrible and painful pause, and the silence of it hangs in the air like a broken promise. Jungeun expected this response but that didn't make it any less painful. She sighs because she can no longer deny that had just gone from the hands of one opportunistic bastard to another's. It hurts even more because she really thought- no, she wanted Jinsoul to be different. She hoped that Jinsoul would prove her wrong. But once again she was stupidly blind to what was clearly in front of her the whole time.

_I really wish jocks weren't my type._

After regretting her taste in the people she falls for, she begins to say what she dreads would be her final words to Jinsoul, "It's none of my business who you kiss or- 

"No!! It is your business!!" Jinsoul interrupts her with urgency.

"What?"

"I'm not playing any games with you. I made a mistake and I've regretted it ever since. It's not who I am and it's not what I want you to think of me."

Jungeun pauses, waiting for Jinsoul to continue.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry that you had to see me like that. And I'm sorry that you're the one to bring it up because I've been trying to discuss this with you since the night of the party but I couldn't get a chance to talk to you or even see you."

Jinsoul's voice is panicked and afraid but she's powering through it with all the strength she has.

"I want to-no, I've felt this need to be honest with you about the whole thing. And honesty doesn't mean that I skip over uncomfortable things hoping that you never find out."

No excuses. Even if she wanted to, Jungeun couldn't gloss over the fact that there were no excuses in all of Jinsoul's apology. No blaming any alcohol, no blaming the other girl, or some other unrelated circumstances. Jinsoul just owned up to and explained each and every one of her indiscretions without bringing anyone or anything else into it. She even took responsibility for not being able to confess sooner even when it was Jungeun's actions that brought about the gap in communication in between them.

"I'm just… I understand that you're upset and I understand if you don't want anything to do with me anymore. But I can't let you walk away thinking that I was anything less than a hundred percent serious with you."

That was it. The cherry on top of a picture perfect apology. Jinsoul wasn't advocating herself anymore, and Jungeun couldn't help but be a little touched that Jinsoul was showing concern for her even when she was in such a distressed state herself.

"You'd let me walk away?" Jungeun asks, speaking for the first time since Jinsoul had begun confessing her regrets.

"I-," Jinsoul stifles a choke and swallows hard, her voice turning into a feeble whisper, "If that's what you want," she lowers her head in shame.

Jinsoul grips on to the bottom end of her blazer with her right hand in an effort to cover up the way it was starting to shake. Her breathing also picks up in pace and she just hopes Jungeun won't retract her fingers from her own, the bare minimum of touches being the only thing keeping her grounded.

Jungeun notices all of it, the hand tremors and the erratic breathing. She could even feel the way Jinsoul's heart was pounding through the one finger she was still touching. Jungeun takes in Jinsoul's shrunken stance and downcast demeanor one more time, and it all just hit too close to home.

"Jinsoul, sit down," Jungeun says and gestures towards the nearest table when Jinsoul looks at her with frightened eyes. "C'mon," she tugs at Jinsoul's index and guides her towards a chair. Once Jinsoul's seated, she lets go of her finger but quickly takes her face into a protective hold, cupping both of her cheeks and forcing her to look into her eyes.

"Just calm down. Focus on your breathing. It's gonna be alright." Jungeun reassures her and Jinsoul eyes begin to soften; confusion now flashing most prominently in them. 

Still holding onto her face, Jungeun calmly asks a nearby waiter to fetch them some water from the bar quickly. Jungeun stays with Jinsoul, rubbing calming motions with her thumbs all over Jinsoul's cheeks till the waiter returns with a glass filled with water perched on top of a saucer.

Noticing Jinsoul relax a little, Jungeun uncups her face to hand her the glass, "Drink this slowly, I'll be right back."

Jungeun walks over to a fruit display a few tables over. She plucks a whole lemon from it and rolls the fruit in her hands, squeezing it to release the juices. She returns to Jinsoul and hands her the fruit, "Bite into this, hard."

"What?" Jinsoul asks, eyeing the lemon and then Jungeun.

"Just trust me," she asks again, "Bite it, and suck up all juices as best as you can."

"Okay." Jinsoul does as she's asked. She leans forward a little to save her clothes from getting soiled by the nectar. When she gets back up, her face and mouth are puckered up unmistakably against the sour taste of the fruit. Jungeun can't help but find it adorable and she can't hide the way it makes her smile either.

Jinsoul smiles back at her as best as she can. But stops suddenly when the bitter taste of the rind still in her mouth takes over.

"Wait," Jungeun laughs, "You're not supposed to eat it." She holds a bunch of tissues to Jinsoul's face against her mouth.

Jinsoul just looks at her in confusion.

"Spit it out," Jungeun commands again and covers Jinsoul's mouth with the tissues. Jinsoul pushes the fruit out using her tongue and Jungeun wraps it up the moment it's out. She covers the piece of fruit in more tissues and hands some to Jinsoul to wipe her hands.

"Feeling better?" Jungeun asks after a while when she's done cleaning up.

"Yeah," Jinsoul replies, realizing her breathing and palpitations have normalized, even her mind is in less of a frenzy, "How did you do that?"

"Technically, the lemon did," Jungeun smiles, "It's something Jiwoo showed me. It works for me, I figured it should for you too."

"Oh," is all Jinsoul could say, when realization hit her.

Jungeun takes a seat next to Jinsoul's right. After a while, she asks, "Are you done?"

"Huh?"

"Just… I have a few apologies of my own to make."

"Oh.."

"Listen-," she pauses to collect her thoughts, because how could she even hope to follow up with something as half decent as Jinsoul’s apology. But Jinsoul interrupts her before she could even try. "You-"

"Would you like me to hold your pinky again?"

"What?"

"I don't know." Jinsoul shrugs, "For support?" she adds with a smile.

Jinsoul holds her right hand up as an open invitation and punctuates it with a nod and a, "take it." Jungeun concedes to her and entangles her pinky with Jinsoul's index again, except this time their hands have exchanged sides.

"Go on," Jinsoul encourages her some more.

Jungeun takes a breath and begins, "You're free to kiss whoever you want. That's not the issue here," Jungeun says despite the way it makes her heart twinge, "It's just that I projected on you a whole lot, and made you into something you're not. And I'm sorry for that."

How could Jinsoul be anything like the person she feared her to be? Jinsoul who was out buying her gifts when she was ignoring her? Who almost had another panic attack because she was all torn up about Jungeun being upset with her?

"And I'm sorry for shutting you out the way I did. I took away your chance to explain yourself because I was upset with you over nothing."

"It wasn't nothing, Jungeun." Jinsoul reassures, "I felt the regret and shame of what I did every day you wouldn't talk to me. Not saying that I didn't deserv-"

"Please don't say that. I was angry at you first. But I realized after a while I really had no reason to." Jungeun interrupts the older girl before she says something that would make her feel even worse.

"No, Jungeun," Jinsoul insists, "It was silly of me to assume that you wouldn't find out. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did."

"What are you saying?"

"Because if I were in your shoes, I don't think I'd have the decency to walk away like you did. I would've beaten up whoever I saw you with, and it would not have been pretty."

Jungeun didn't think what she did was decent, she thought she was a coward who wouldn't stop running away from the truth of her feelings. The truth that Jinsoul deserved to know after she had just laid herself bare in front of her.

"Still, I'm sorry. The whole thing, the party, you with the other girl. It just brought back some awful memories and I'm still having trouble separating them from what happened."

"Is this about your ex?" Jinsoul asks softy.

"Yes." Jungeun replies, just as softly.

"I know you're not comfortable talking about these things. And I wouldn't blame you if said you didn't trust me after everything that happened. But I really wish you would tell me."

Even then, when Jinsoul was begging for her to open up to her, her choice of words made sure that Jungeun knew she wasn't under any compulsion to say anything. Trust? Jungeun trusted Jinsoul. How could she not by the way Jinsoul's index was still hooked to her pinky and waiting on her permission before moving any further.

She just didn't trust herself, or believe that she even deserved Jinsoul's honesty or patience or vulnerability. Especially since she couldn't give the same to the older girl in return.

"No, Jinsoul. I trust you.. it's just.." She looks at their hands again, then the distance in between them, and then at Jinsoul herself. Jungeun pulls at her pinky to hook all their fingers together, she figures having more of Jinsoul being in contact with more of her could somehow transfer some of Jinsoul's strength to her like it usually does with Jinsoul's warmth.

And apparently it works because Jungeun decides to be honest, as best as she can be, with the girl who's been nothing but sincere with her - well except the stalking and the making out with other people bit but Jungeun had long since forgiven her for both of those lapses in judgement.

Jungeun puts on a brave face, but it's not brave enough to tell Jinsoul the whole story or even look her in the eye. 

“He didn’t like me the way I liked him,” _He used me._

“He said I was being unreasonable when I asked him to do right by me,” _He told me I was only worth the effort it took for a good fuck and nothing more._

“So, he broke up with me.” _He made a mess of the way I see myself._

“It hurt,” _I still have nightmares._

“But I’m just glad it’s over.” _I wish it were._

_And I can’t shake his image from my mind when I look at you._

Jungeun doesn't realize that if she had just told the whole truth the way Jinsoul had done, it would've saved both of them a lot of trouble in the future.

-

The rest of the evening passes by pleasantly, both of them feeling significantly lighter after having unburdened themselves of their respective confessions and apologies. Jinsoul more so than Jungeun, but it's fine for now.

They have dessert, well Jungeun does at least. Leaving the restaurant, Jinsoul puts whole grown men to shame again as she pulls Jungeun's seat when she's getting out of it and helps her into her coat as a gesture of chivalry.

"My lady?" Jinsoul offers her arm for Jungeun to take, while mimicking tipping a hat she's not wearing.

Jungeun rolls her eyes, but the shy smile on her face gives her away. And the fact that she did end up locking arms with Jinsoul.

-

Jinsoul drives them both back to campus in a car she had borrowed from her office. The ride is silent save for a few random exchanges about the weather and other pleasantries. The irony of small talk being exchanged in the last stages of their… their.. wait what even was this? Jungeun decides to ask the question that's been on her mind ever since she left the dorm as Jinsoul stops the car at a red light.

"I have to ask. Was this a date?"

Jinsoul recoils in her seat suddenly. She looks at Jungeun trying to figure out why she even asked such a thing. Jungeun's expression is calm, she's even smiling a little. Like it wasn't even a big deal. "I- I don't know", a pause, "I wanted to see you." She replies honestly because going out on a date wasn't really her intention when she asked Jungeun to meet her. She just missed Jungeun a lot, "Would you have liked it to be a date?" her grip on the steering wheel tightening in anticipation of Jungeun's reply.

"Maybe? But I don't think it's a date. You never said so when you asked."

Figures, Jinsoul didn't think of it as a date either. Not that she doesn't want to date Jungeun, she wants to date the pants off her. Okay she meant it metaphorically but haha jk….. unless? Anyways she feels closer to Jungeun with the way things went without it being a date. She's not sure if she'd want to change that in anyway by re-categorizing their meeting now.

"Oh. Then it's whatever you want it to be." Jinsoul leaves the ball in Jungeun's court again.

"Not-Date it is," Jungeun resolves.

Jinsoul sighs, not in relief but not in disappointment either.

"It had been so long since I last saw you, I just wanted to take you somewhere nice."

"That's sweet, but you don't have to. I've always liked our not-dates together no matter where they end up taking me," Jungeun adds, patting Jinsoul's shoulder and relaxing more into her seat. "I had a good time."

"Really?" Jinsoul chuckles, "You call that a good time?"

"Yeah," Jungeun's eyebrows furrow as she gathers her thoughts, "I get that it was a bit emo, but I'm glad you asked to see me and that we got to talk. So, thank you." Jungeun says contentedly.

Even if Jungeun wasn't a hundred percent honest with Jinsoul, she couldn't deny how much weight was lifted off her shoulders with the little she let Jinsoul in on.

"It's no big deal." Jinsoul smiles at her. Jungeun hasn't been this open with her in a while. So, she considers this not-date a success even if it did almost end up going south for a moment. She decides to make more time for Jungeun even if it kills her.

Jungeun can still feel the warmth radiating off Jinsoul's tired smile as she puts the car in drive again when the light turns back to green. Jungeun feels a little flicker of hope in her chest.

_Yeah. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay._

-

It's been a while since their last not-date. The last one being the one when Jinsoul had taken her to see the fireworks. Jungeun smiles at the bittersweet memory and steps closer to Jinsoul to bid her not-date goodnight.

Since it's been a while, both of them have different ideas of what constitutes their farewell greeting. Where Jungeun steps in to kiss Jinsoul on the cheek, Jinsoul moves in to embrace Jungeun like the way their last not-date had concluded. It ends up with Jinsoul's hands on Jungeun's waist, Jungeun's hands on Jinsoul's chest, their noses almost touching and bodies way too close than either of them anticipated.

It's not awkward but it doesn't make it any less overwhelming.

Jungeun draws back a little, just to put enough distance in between them to look at Jinsoul and she sees the older girl is just as flustered as she is if not more. She lowers her gaze down to where her hands are, fiddling with the lapels of Jinsoul's blazer, and waits. Neither of them try to step away.

Jinsoul's brain has officially gone into overdrive, she really wants to kiss Jungeun but she's not sure if the younger girl even wants her to after the evening they just had. Jungeun's demeanour isn't helping either, because she's waiting on Jinsoul to make the next move when Jinsoul hasn't even figured out what the next move even is.

"I-," Jinsoul tries to speak but speaking feels weird. So she salvages the last of her remaining strength of the night and loosens her death grip on the jacket around Jungeun's waist and brings her right hand up to hold Jungeun's face.

Jungeun looks up when she feels Jinsoul's fingers brush her hair to tuck them behind her left ear. Her breath hitches at the new, determined expression on the older girl's face. Then, Jinsoul threads her fingers through her hair on the back of Jungeun's head, leaving her thumb to brush over her ear and the top of her jaw. Jinsoul tugs on her face delicately so she'd look into her eyes.

 _May I?_

Jungeun can't answer that question without exploding. So, she takes a shaky breath and lowers her gaze in consent. Jinsoul moves closer and Jungeun tightens her grip on the lapels of Jinsoul's blazer, ruining the pressing. Jinsoul fists at Jungeun’s jacket with her left hand again. Jungeun leans into the hand cupping her face and wets her lips in anticipation. Jinsoul hovers for a moment, her breath tickling Jungeun’s face, before closing whatever distance was left in between them. Jungeun waits with bated breath but kiss she expects doesn't come on her lips like she had thought. Instead Jinsoul turns her head gently and presses her lips to the space between Jungeun's forehead and right temple. Jungeun releases her breath and leans into the kiss even if not on the part of her face where she wanted. After a while, Jinsoul ends the kiss and puts her chin where her lips were just prior. To Jungeun, this somehow feels more intimate than any kiss she could ever receive on the mouth. She takes another shaky breath and finally picks up on Jinsoul's rosy scent and relaxes into her embrace. With her face now in the crook of her Jinsoul's neck and shoulder, she feels safe, cared for, and above all _loved_ as Jinsoul holds on to her and brushes over her ear and piercings with her thumb.

Whether or not she deserves to feel this way is a different question altogether.

Taking in more of the roses and warmth coming off Jinsoul, Jungeun's breath hitches again into a sob and her eyes widen. She nearly snaps back but Jinsoul is quick to keep her in place. Jinsoul untangles her hand from Jungeun's hair and moves to stroke the back of her head gently.

"Don't cry. Not tonight." Jinsoul whispers, as she starts to sway her tenderly.

Jungeun nods against Jinsoul's shoulder. And her tears dry up before they could even fall from her eyes.

-

"So how'd it go?" Sooyoung asks, sitting on her bed and massaging Jinsoul's shoulders.

"I don't know. Fine, I guess?" Jinsoul replies from her position on the floor, sitting in between Sooyoung's legs, and on the receiving end of a much needed rub-down.

"Did you give her your gay-ass present?" Sooyoung asks a question.

"Yes, she liked it a lot."

"Did you tell her about your gay-ass secret?" She asks another question.

"Yes, but she already knew about it."

"No way..." Sooyoung breathes.

"Yes way, and it gets worse. She was there at the party when it happened."

"NO WAAYYYY"

Jinsoul waits for Sooyoung to process the new information. It takes a while...

"Wait and she still decided to meet your gay-ass?????!" Sooyoung asks a third question.

"Yes!" Jinsoul, still not believing her own fortune, "She even said she felt bad for ignoring me during the break!!”

"Duuuude she likes you." Sooyoung resolves, and leans down to whisper into Jinsoul's ears, "Like she wants you in her pants kind of likes you."

"Ew, can you not be so weird?" Jinsoul turns her head to shoot Sooyoung a disgusted look, "You're talking about my future wife here, show some respect." She turns back around and signals Sooyoung to continue.

"Yeah?" Sooyoung laughs, "Well you gotta ask her out for real if you wanna marry her someday."

"Yeah…" Sooyoung rolls her eyes as Jinsoul begins to daydream about her and Jungeun's perfect floral-themed beach wedding. Jungeun wearing a flower crown and a pretty white dress that shows off her shoulders. Jungeun, who'd still have the same shy smile on her face as she'd stand before her at the alter. Jungeun, who'd whisper an _'I do'_ so sweetly that it'd put candied apples to shame. Cherry blossoms fall as they lean in, she closes her eyes and-

"Um….No homo?" Wait… that's not Jungeun's voice. Jinsoul opens her eyes to find Sooyoung standing before where Jungeun was. She's even wearing Jungeun's white dress. Jinsoul looks at her in confusion and disgust.

"What the hell?!"

"SOOYOUNG GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Jinsoul screams as she finally returns to earth, and promptly buries her face into her hands.

".....don't tell me you just put me in one of your weird fucking fantasies." Sooyoung clutches at the fabric of Jinsoul’s white shirt around her shoulders, ruining the pressing.

"Do you think I wanted to????" Jinsoul asks incredulously, rubbing her head in frustration.

"At least tell me I looked hot, then I'll forgive you,"

"Well you took Jungeun's dress and her place on the alter in front of me so…."

"EW. DUDE. WHAT THE HELL. NO HOMO." Sooyoung screams, giving Jinsoul's shoulders a shake with each syllable.

"I know, right?? That was exactly what we said too!!" Jinsoul crosses her arms and legs determinantly. 

"Damn right!" 

After a brief pause where Sooyoung continues to rub at Jinsoul's stiff back and shoulders. Jinsoul responds with "oohs" and "aahs" of approval, and then suddenly remembers the highlight of the night.

"By the way, I think Jungeun wanted me to kiss her when I was dropping he-OUCH SOOYOUNG WHAT THE HELL???!" Jinsoul is interrupted by Sooyoung shifting her hands from rubbing at her back soothingly to gripping at the back of her neck roughly.

"TELL ME YOU KISSED HER OR ON GOD I WILL END YOUR SORRY LIFE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW", Sooyoung threatens, one arm raised to deliver a karate chop if needed.

"I DID I DID I DID." Jinsoul pleads, holding up both arms in surrender.

"NICE!" Sooyoung exclaims proudly and releases Jinsoul's neck. After a brief pause, she asks a fourth question, "Tongue?"

"Sooyoung, you're gross. This is exactly why I don't like talking to you about this." Jinsoul lies through her teeth and relaxes back into Sooyoung's massage, "Besides, I kissed her on her forehead, not her mouth."

Sooyoung's grip on her shoulders tightens again and Jinsoul braces herself for what's to come. What comes next is Sooyoung pushing Jinsoul to the ground and climbing over her to beat the living shit out of her. Jinsoul is lucky she had enough time to cover her moneymaker with her arms before the onslaught of half-assed punches and slaps was unleashed on her.

"SOOYOUNG!" Jinsoul laughs, "I'M SERIOUS ABOUT MARRYING HER," She screams when Sooyoung actually tickles her, "I NEED OUR FIRST KISS TO BE PERFECT."

Sooyoung stops her assaut to say, "Not gonna lie, that's cute as hell but you totally wussed out of it." She pulls Jinsoul up by her collars into a sitting position.

"All I'm saying," Sooyoung says while fixing Jinsoul's shirt and dusting her off, "She better be worth it."

"She is." Jinsoul affirms.

-

Jungeun enters a dimly-lit dorm room, and makes the mistake of assuming her roommate is asleep. She's startled out of her life when Jiwoo suddenly gets up like the undertaker from her lying position on her bed with the sheets still hanging from her head like a cartoon ghost. Her shriek wakes up the neighboring students and they receive a warning letter the next day.

After a brief argument and half-assed pillow fight, Jungeun recollects the events of her evening and tells all about it to Jiwoo.

"You're telling me.... She had every chance to kiss you... but she didn't?" Jiwoo asks in a mixture of awe and disbelief.

"Yep, told you it wasn't a date." Jungeun replies smugly, completely missing the point.

"SAYS WHO??" Jiwoo screams.

"SAYS JINSOUL HERSELF" Jungeun screams even higher.

"SHE'S JUST TOO NICE TO SAY IT." Jiwoo ups the pitch to a note she knows Jungeun can't catch up to.

"Why are you so obsessed with proving that it was a date??", so Jungeun throws a question at her instead.

"Why are you so obsessed with proving that it wasn't??" which Jiwoo throws right back at her.

"Because she would've said so if it were!!!" Jiwoo resists the urge to strangle her best friend.

"Jungie, I mean this in the least offensive way possible," Jiwoo pauses for dramatic effect, "But have you considered that you're," wait for it, "A huge dumbass?"

"What???!"

Jiwoo holds up her hand to count on her fingers, "She says she wants to see you, she takes you to nice places, she compliments you constantly, she orders your food, she buys you _expensive_ presents, she apologizes for stuff she doesn't have to," Jiwoo pauses for an inhale, "she says she's serious about you, she'll almost have a panic attack because she thought you were about to walk away from her, she'll beat up anyone that kisses you, and doesn't kiss you because she's still waiting on you like _what's not clicking??!!"_

"What are you saying…?"

"Jungeun, has the bleach gotten to your head because you just cannot be this stupid!!!"

Jungeun pauses and considers Jiwoo's indictments, all ten of them. Jungeun puts all of them together, and her eyes widen in realization.

"Ohmygod she likes me back???????"

Jiwoo and the readers all smack their foreheads in unison.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!
> 
> Idk I didn't really think of what to say in the a/n this time, except I'm done lying through my teeth about which chapter will be the last one. The last chapter will be one that CLEARLY says that it's the last one. I'm sorry I'm such a disorganized gay, but my writing style is a bit wordier than I expect when I initially planned these chapters. I just hope you're enjoying the ride because I certainly am :D LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK >:(
> 
> I hope you picked up on the parallels in-chapter and intra-chapters! They were fun to write lmao
> 
> also, should I have tw the opening scene? idk
> 
> The LipSoul [fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22296238/chapters/53251621) with the cosmos is this one
> 
> [Lip](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DogzFguU0AMXe1W.jpg:orig) [ Soul’s](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EByor40XYAEwYj0.jpg:orig) outfits for their date.
> 
> and my [gay twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips). Come yell at me :D
> 
> as always, Take care of yourself and #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	7. the first part of the last chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which a melancholic and bratty jungeun misses jinsoul a lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the thing. I really tried and I really WANTED to wrap up in 7 chapters, because 7 chapters for what is primarily Jinsoul's arc sounds kinda GREAT. So my brain decided to go all twilight on this shit and just simply split the last chapter into two. Fear not, there's no dearth of content. (same cannot be said for the directors of the movie i took my inspiration from)
> 
> ANYWAYS This is a roughly 12k update! The scenes are long and layered so buckle in!!!

With her hands threaded through her blonde hair, Jungeun cries out, “Nononono, she can’t like me back!” while pacing around the dorm like a maniac, still reeling from the shock.

“You’re right, because technically you’re the one who likes her back!” Jiwoo replies, her forehead still red from being smacked so hard, and adds even more to Jungeun’s worries.

Jungeun’s grip on her roots tightens. “What are you… for how long…?” she manages in two squeaks. Jiwoo sighs. “Jungeun, you already know the answer to that one.”

Jungeun puts a stop to her pacing to sit on the edge of her bed. She leans her weight forward on her knees and starts to rub at her scalp aggressively.

"It can't be." Jungeun denies the obvious. Because according to her, it really can't. Jinsoul _can't_ have feelings for her, because it's throwing her whole plan of waiting out the remainder of the semester till Jinsoul graduates out of balance. Jinsoul _can't_ like her, because up until a few hours ago Jungeun was partly-convinced that she was playing games with her. Jinsoul _can't_ be interested in her, because that would mean Jungeun actually has a chance to be with her the way she wants to.

This is all too much in too little time, and time is exactly what she needs to process both her feelings and Jinsoul’s. Because Jinsoul had not only proved her wrong but was also offering her the companionship Jungeun was hoping for. But had Jungeun even done enough to deserve Jinsoul’s affections on top of her sincerity? Was she even worthy of all that Jinsoul had done for her and was willing to do for her still?

Jiwoo crouches in front of Jungeun, "I know things have been weird. You’ve barely seen her ever since the last semester and you've never been the best at figuring these things out. But this is a good thing, Jungie. Trust me." Jiwoo smiles at her reassuringly, and Jungeun would see it if she could lift her head to meet her best friend’s eyes.

Weird is an understatement. Jungeun has no idea what to do anymore. It's not like her plan of avoiding Jinsoul had worked even in the slightest. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about the older girl. This past month had been so confusing for her; she’s been stuck in between missing Jinsoul and admonishing herself for doing so, in between yearning for Jinsoul and making peace with the assumption that the older girl was with someone that could give her what she really wanted or even needed. And now suddenly - at least for Jungeun it’s sudden - Jinsoul likes her, has liked her for so long and maybe even _loves_ her.

Love? Jungeun doesn't know what love is or if she's even capable of it. If it's the care and attention Jinsoul showed to her, then Jungeun has so much catching up to do, like she can barely see Jinsoul who's so far ahead of her in a race she didn't even know she was participating in. Could she love Jinsoul back and in a way that Jinsoul deserved? Are her feelings for Jinsoul as genuine as Jinsoul's feelings for her? And are they even rooted with wanting to be with her or just being afraid of losing her? 

Jungeun finally looks up and lets her hands fall to her lap. “How is any of this a good thing?” she asks, her voice strained from the burden of her apprehensions.

“She's not a bad person, Jungie. She can take care of you.”

Jinsoul is a far cry from being anything like the persons Jungeun has dated previously. In the hopes of restoring Jinsoul's image in her mind, Jungeun has considered her merits too many times that she'd admit to counting. And she's come to the conclusion that Jinsoul, on paper, is pretty much ideal as a partner. Jinsoul is gentle, observant, and she makes Jungeun feel safe. Combine that with her stellar grades, work-ethic, and the fact that she’s already landed herself a well-paying job while she hasn't even graduated yet, she could more than provide and care for Jungeun in ways others wouldn’t be able to. But there’s more to it than just that; Jungeun feels like she lacks so much both emotionally and mentally to stand up and face Jinsoul. Sure, Jinsoul could care for her - and in a way she already is - but could she care for Jinsoul the same way?

“Jiwoo, she’s not some prize for me to win over,” Jungeun says sternly, and wonders why Jiwoo's smile just turned into a grin. She doesn't realize it’s the same words Jinsoul had used for her in this very same dorm, but we can't fault her for not being able to hear through walls. “She’s not some one-way ticket for me to solve my problems.”

Jiwoo grins some more, “That’s not what I mean, silly.” She takes Jungeun’s hands in her own and laces their fingers together. “I mean she makes you happy. You’ve had way less panic attacks ever since you started spending more time with her, even if it was as friends.” She pauses and turns their hands over gently, as if contemplating her next statement, “I know you’ve noticed it too.” She finishes with a squeeze to Jungeun’s knuckles.

Jungeun had noticed it, of course she did, but she had attributed it to being away from her ex or Jinsoul distracting her from him. Both conclusions were somewhat correct but Jungeun has _never_ thought of Jinsoul as a mere distraction. If Jinsoul could impact her life so positively, doesn’t she deserve the same as well? What could Jungeun possibly offer to Jinsoul, who had already done so much and shown her nothing but care and tenderness? What did Jungeun even possess besides her arsenal of overthinking to present to Jinsoul in return? Where Jinsoul provided warmth and security, Jungeun had nothing even remotely close to reciprocate with. 

"But can I make her happy?" Jungeun finally voices her own insecurities and lowers her head again.

"Of course you can." Jiwoo chimes with another squeeze at her fingers.

“Jiwoo, I give her panic attacks.” Jungeun swallows the lump in her throat painfully. “It’s not the same.”

“Oh, you dumbass!!!” Jiwoo coos aggressively in a fashion that's _so Jiwoo_ and Jungeun looks at her with her eyebrows already scrunched up in a frown. “You really don’t realize that it’s the thought of being _away from you_ that makes her anxious?” 

Jungeun freezes, because Jiwoo just won't stop dropping truth bombs on her. “What do you….. how do you know this…. ?”

Jiwoo releases Jungeun’s hands to pull her in for a hug because she’s finally using that minor in psychology and asking the right questions. Jiwoo can’t exactly tell her that she’s been trying to set her up with Jinsoul for months, or that Jinsoul has been in on the plan as well. Maybe they’ll tell her later, like in-a-committed-relationship-for-at least-three-years kind of later. So she lets Jungeun in on the other secret she’s been keeping from her for the past two months.

Jiwoo puts enough distance in between them to make eye contact. She speaks slowly and softly to cushion the shock as much as possible.

“She came to Cheongju during the semester break.”

“What?!”

Jinsoul had come to their hometown on one of the coldest days of the year. She appeared in front of Jiwoo distraught, desperate, and on a very short notice. She asked to see Jungeun but Jiwoo didn't think that was a good idea with how angry she was, and Jiwoo didn't have the heart to say that to Jinsoul either. But then Jinsoul clarified that she only needed to see Jungeun, that she just needed to catch a glimpse with her own eyes, that she was doing okay because Jungeun wasn't responding to her and that she was feeling cold because of it. Jiwoo thought it was normal to feel cold in this weather but she could glean the severity of the whole ordeal from the fear in Jinsoul's voice and eyes. So, she took Jinsoul back to her neighborhood and snuck her into her bedroom from where the front yard of Jungeun's childhood home was in full view.

Jinsoul waited for hours by the window for that glimpse, and she jumped out of her seat and nearly the glass as well when she spotted a head of blonde hair appear from behind the front door. Jungeun was out walking that short obese-looking dog Jinsoul suspected she had named after herself. 

And it was only a glimpse that was needed because once Jungeun returned to her home and it was certain that she was safe and well, Jinsoul released a sigh and finally turned to Jiwoo. Jinsoul looked better almost instantly, like the color had returned to her face, her hands had stopped shaking, and her eyes were returning back to normal.

“You have to tell me what’s going on.” Jiwoo asked for the nth time.

“I-I made a mistake.” And Jinsoul began to confess her faults and regrets, some that Jiwoo already knew of and some that she didn't. Jinsoul told her all about the night of the party from Sana to the panic attack, and even how she felt like she deserved what happened to her for betraying Jungeun and using her the way she did. Jinsoul broke down in front of Jiwoo collecting all her errors and laying them out before her. For forgiveness? For understanding? Jiwoo still doesn't know. But Jinsoul apologized through choked sobs and tears, not only for herself and to Jungeun, but also to Jiwoo for burdening her with her presence and her misgivings.

Jiwoo went from being disappointed in Jinsoul to sympathizing with her. Jinsoul had done well to conceal her cracks till that moment. She was only human, and she could only do so much. All Jinsoul had going into this plan was hope, and she could only hang onto it for so long before she broke down. She could only wait as Jungeun wasted herself on a person not worth the effort it took to even whisper his name. She could only watch Jungeun suffer and grieve with her in silence without having the space to share any of her own sorrows and worries. 

Jinsoul confided in Sooyoung of course, but it wasn't the same as Sooyoung’s priority was Jinsoul’s well-being, not her feelings for Jungeun or the future Jiwoo had imagined for them. 

Jiwoo felt bad for overlooking Jinsoul’s sensitivities the way she did, and she realized that maybe Jungeun wasn't the only one who needed protection. Maybe she should’ve been more considerate towards Jinsoul instead of only piling responsibilities on her. Maybe she should’ve paid more attention to how Jinsoul was coping with the fact that someone she loved was too haunted by her own demons to recognize her affections, let alone even consider reciprocating them. And maybe she should've been more aware of how lonely Jinsoul must have felt being stuck in a limbo while all her friends focused on finding their happy endings.

“She said she didn't know what else to do. She said she needed to see you to make sure you were okay. She was worried about you to the point that she couldn't breathe properly. She wasn't doing well, Jungie. And it was only after she saw you that she got back to being something like herself again."

“...Why didn't you tell me?"

“She made me promise not to. She didn't want you to hear about what happened from anyone other than her.”

"Jiwoo, I could've done something to help her."

"You were too angry, and I couldn't bear letting either of you get even more hurt than you already were.”

“Then what’s the point of telling me all of this now?”

“Because you can still help her, Jungie.”

Jungeun pauses and takes it all in. Jinsoul was in Cheongju. Jinsoul came to see her and by some miracle, Jungeun was able to help without even knowing anything about it. She'd done it a few hours ago as well by thwarting another one of Jinsoul’s panic attacks. If she could do that much, even if it's nowhere near the treatment Jinsoul actually deserves, it's good enough as a starting point.

She nods and gives Jiwoo's fingers a squeeze in resolution. She would try, if not for herself, then she would try to separate the ghosts of her subconscious from her reality for Jinsoul's sake. She'd figure out her own feelings when the time came for it because right now Jinsoul needed her. And working out her own problems to be ready whenever Jinsoul needed her again was the least she could do for her.

_For Jinsoul, anything for Jinsoul._

She just needed time. Time she thought she was quickly running out of.

-

The universe has a way of testing it's subjects who dare make promises and commitments. That's why most resolutions are abandoned mid-way. It's why gym subscriptions end up being wasted, journals remain unstained by ink, and newly bought books are left without the bookmark ever being wedged past the first few pages.

The universe tested Jinsoul's resolution to love Jungeun from the day she first met her in her class, and it'll continue to do so for a while. Jungeun on the other hand is new to this game of fate, and her trials have only just begun. Where Jinsoul was tried for her patience and determination, and in a way she both succumbed to and overcame the hurdles in her path, Jungeun's tests are for the commitment she undertook to let go of the anguish she felt in her past for the sake of Jinsoul's happiness in the future.

-

You never really fully appreciate what you have until it’s gone. In Jungeun’s case, that’s Jinsoul’s presence. Jungeun has never been ungrateful, she just underestimated how badly Jinsoul’s absence would affect her now that she knows she actually has a chance at a future with her. 

She barely sees Jinsoul on campus while the older girl whizzes in and out of her classes or her office, and their moments together are always too short and Jungeun counts the seconds till Jinsoul has to leave again. Their meetings always start the same way, with Jinsoul looking increasingly more exhausted every time she appears in front of her all because the older girl had promised to make more time for her. They always end the same way too, with Jinsoul apologizing needlessly for always having to be somewhere and in the biggest of hurries.

"I'm sorry I have to go. I promise it'll get better soon." Jinsoul would reassure her.

"It's okay, please don't apologise to me about these things. I know you're busy." Jungeun would respond in return.

Other than making her fall even harder, all that their moments in passing and Jinsoul's lingering warmth did as she'd hug her goodbye was leave Jungeun aching for more. More of Jinsoul, more of her undivided attention as she'd ask Jungeun to sit with her for the few minutes they had, more of the way Jinsoul would hold her hand and listen in complete concentration to what she had to say about her classes or swim-team despite the fatigue on her brow and in her droopy shoulders, and definitely more of how her heart fluttered every time Jinsoul would pull her close and press a sweet and unselfish kiss to the side of her forehead when the time eventually came for them to part ways again.

Jungeun wants more, she needs more, but she doesn't have it in her heart to ask because she knows Jinsoul will only fulfill her request without hesitating in the slightest, and at her own expense. It’ll only add another layer to the guilt Jungeun is desperately trying to shrug off. 

But lately, something's off. It's like there's a force keeping them apart with how they hadn't seen each other in weeks, and Jungeun misses Jinsoul terribly. She misses Jinsoul's comforting smile, her warm embrace, and her sympathetic eyes. But mostly, she just misses her voice.

Jinsoul’s smooth yet resounding voice that she had become accustomed to hearing for hours on end as it resonated through their CP-101 lecture hall. Jungeun often found herself visiting the same hall where she first met Jinsoul, hoping that the walls had stored some of the vibrations of her ex cute professor's voice and would somehow relay them to her ears again. She'd sit in her old assigned seat hoping Jinsoul would stroll past her, and brush her hands against her left shoulder or arm the way she used to when she’d slip her notes asking to meet up later. Jungeun would smile bittersweetly at the memory of the tender looks and mischievous winks Jinsoul would direct at her from across the hall or from the floor near her desk. 

_Baby, I’m fool._ Jungeun curses herself for being so blind, as Girl Front by Odd Eye Circle plays in the background.

Jungeun can't catch Jinsoul, and she's tried almost everywhere she could think of. She's scoped Jinsoul across all of campus, walking around with the one aim of running into the older girl somehow. She's actually lost a little weight because of it, and wonders if Jinsoul would notice when she finally meets her again. She also wonders if the universe would pick up on how needy she was being and give her a fucking break already.

But the universe doesn't work that way. So Jungeun decided to be more intelligent in her approach to track down her source of warmth. Of course she could just ask Jinsoul directly where she was or what she was doing, but that's exactly where her wit and self-worth ended and her shyness and hesitance began. With Jinsoul being so busy, Jungeun figured she’d try to craft her own opportunities to “accidentally” bump into her, the way Jinsoul had also done when their roles were reversed.

That's why she's busy doodling in her sketchbook in one of the campus grounds which may or may not be suspiciously close to Jinsoul's dorm. She figured it was the best use of her time as she waited for the universe to grant her that favour when her classes for the day were cancelled because her department of hippies was out protesting for a cause Jungeun couldn't be bothered to care about. Okay maybe she cared a little but she just missed Jinsoul a hell of a lot more.

Headphones plugged in and leaning her back against a tree, Jungeun concentrates on how the graphite tip of her pencil made long strokes on off-white paper. With Jiwoo busy in her own classes, and Jinsoul probably in her office, the last person she expects to drop by and disturb her creative process is Sooyoung.

“Hey Jungeun, what are you doing?” 

Jungeun jumps at the voice and drops her pencil. She looks up, and is surprised to find Sooyoung offering her a kind smile. How she wishes it was her best friend instead, but she won’t say that out loud. “Hi, Sooyoung.” Jungeun greets back, not successful in masking the disappointment in her voice. She suddenly remembers her manners and gets up to her feet quickly after placing the remainder of her stationery on her backpack so as to not soil the paper.

Sooyoung breaks out into a laugh, it’s not as loud and explosive as Jinsoul’s is. In fact it’s more like a chuckle, soft and even kinder than the smile previously adorning Sooyoung’s features, but Jungeun’s mind can’t help but draw parallels to Jinsoul with the way things are.

“Not the upperclassman you were expecting? I know.” Sooyoung says, and Jungeun’s face takes that as an opportunity to blush a deep pink. Of course even the mere hint at - not even mention of - Jinsoul would do this to her. She lowers her head apologetically and clarifies, hoping she hadn't hurt the black haired girl’s feelings. “Ah, no I…I wasn't expecting anyone really..”

That was the biggest and fattest lie of Jungeun's whole life. She’s camped directly outside Sooyoung and Jinsoul’s dorm. Since Jinsoul still lived in the building not more than fifty feet away from her, Jungeun's intelligent approach led her to believe that she had the best chance of "randomly" running into her here. Jinsoul is bound to walk through this path at least twice a day right???

“Are you busy?” Sooyoung asks again.

“Not really, my classes got cancelled. So I figured I’d just..” Jungeun trails off and gestures to her open sketchbook which has nothing but indescribable scribbles on it.

“Nice! I’m jealous.” Sooyoung exclaims, and Jungeun can’t help but smile at how the older girl doesn't even bother hiding what a bad student she is. “Why don't you come with me to my dorm.” Sooyoung invites her but it sounds more like a statement than a question.

_Wait, what?_

Sooyoung must’ve noticed her hesitance, because she’s quick to add a, “Oh don't worry, it’s just that my mom drilled it into me to always offer a friend my company and a drink whenever I spot them by their lonesome.” Sooyoung places her right hand on her chest and sighs, “I love my mom.”

Jungeun thinks that’s surprisingly thoughtful for someone who otherwise appears a bit tough and stoic, and that Sooyoung spends way too much time with Jiwoo, so much that she’s unconsciously imitating her at this point. She wonders if she would also adopt some of Jinsoul's habits in the future? Jungeun hopes so, because she could really use some of Jinsoul’s prowess at being expressive with emotions.

Jungeun takes another moment to look at Sooyoung, really look at her, and her thoughtful expression and the way her hand is still pressed to her chest as she reminisces about her family. She thinks of her own family, of Jiwoo, and then Sooyoung and, by extension, thinks of Jinsoul. She thinks of how Sooyoung and Jinsoul are family the way she and Jiwoo are, and then it strikes her like lightning how Jiwoo and Sooyoung could actually end up together and be a _real_ family. Sooyoung, who's best friends with Jinsoul, could be her sister-in-law one day? And maybe if she could work things out with Jinsoul, the four of them could be their own little family and their kids could grow up as cousins or maybe even siblings and Jungeun has to mentally smack herself because did she really just think about having children with Jinsoul???????

_KIM JUNGEUN, WHAT THE FUCK?_

Luckily Sooyoung doesn't notice how flustered she's become so suddenly. She only balls the hand still on her chest into a fist and throws an outstretched thumb over her shoulder. "Follow me!” she says.

-

The walk up to the floor of Jinsoul and Sooyoung’s dorm is nerve wracking because with each step Jungeun takes, the fact that she’s headed towards a place filled to the brim with actual physical reminders of Jinsoul, not just figments from her memories, is starting to settle in and it's freaking her out own more than necessary. But hey, it's Miss Kim Jungeun we're talking about here, a lot of what she does qualifies as unnecessary.

“Listen, you really don’t have to.” Jungeun says once they've already reached the door to the relevant dorm. 

See what I mean by unnecessary?

Sooyoung looks at her quizzically with a small frown on her brow, “Jungeun, we’re already here.” She ends her sentence with a gesture to how her hand is literally on the doorknob.

Truthfully Jugneun doesn't think she can handle being on the opposite side of the door and be surrounded by nothing but Jinsoul’s possessions like her clothes and books and her be… her… her be- you know the thing with the pillows and blanket on it? Please don't make Jungeun think about it. She misses Jinsoul too much and the last thing she wants to do is cry in front of Sooyoung at the sight of something stupid like Jinsoul's shoes or something even stupider.

Sooyoung cracks the door open a little and Jungeun is proven right despite how dramatic she's being. Because Jinsoul's rosy scent wafts to her from the slightest of the gaps in the doorway and it hits her like a truck. She inhales and feels her eyes sting as fresh tears threaten to well up.

_Oh no…._

Jungeun pinches the bridge of her nose in an effort to hide how overwhelmed she is, as if the scarlet shade her ears have taken hadn't given her away already.

"I- I just remembered," remembered what, you liar? "I h-have to be somewhere and I-"

"Hey! Is that Jungeun?”

That voice… that unmistakable voice... _It can't be_.. Jungeun tries to deny the obvious again.

With one eyebrow raised at her, Sooyoung pushes the door open the remaining way and, much to Jungeun's complete utter horror and absolute unbridled joy, Jinsoul is beaming at her from where she's crouched on the floor over some colorful _something_ Jungeun _really_ couldn't care less about.

"Jinsoul??!” Jungeun blurts out, completely shocked.

"Jungeun!!” Jinsoul responds delightfully from her spot, now kneeling and with both arms outstretched and inviting her into a hug.

"Jinsoul…" Jungeun huffs and whines sadly, she's on the verge of tears again.

"Jungeun!!!" Jinsoul calls in worry and stretches her arms some more, urging the younger girl to hug her already.

"JINSOUL!” Jungeun growls because she's suddenly infuriated at the older girl. She balls both of her palms into fists and holds them at her sides petulantly.

"Jungeun...?" Jinsoul squeaks, and pulls her arms close to her chest and shrinks back in abject fear.

"HA SOOYOUNG!!” the only other person present there chimes in with her own name while flailing her arms about, like Donkey from that one scene in Shrek 2.

The three of them look in between each other. Jungeun is still furious, Jinsoul is terrified, and Sooyoung looks like she's about to receive her Christmas bonus.

"Alright, I'm done!” Sooyoung says while mocking dusting her palms as if she had just accomplished a great laborious task. She points at Jinsoul, "Don't forget to check your mail, they refused to sign it off to me." She pauses. "And unlike you two, I have class. So, Bye~" she turns on her heels and leaves Jungeun still standing by the doorway.

Jinsoul rises to her feet and tries to diffuse the tension using humor, "Well, come in then? Or do you need a red carpet?”

It doesn't work. It never works, when will she learn?

Jungeun stomps her way to her and Jinsoul braces herself for the smack of a lifetime but is pleasantly surprised when Jungeun just wraps her arms around her torso and clenches her in another bearhug. At least she didn't collide into her this time. Jinsoul smiles as Jungeun snuggles into the crook of her neck and shoulder like she usually does, and encircles her own arms around her. She rests one hand on Jungeun's back to pull her in closer and the other one on the back of her head protectively.

"You okay there?" Jinsoul asks once she's breathed in enough of Jungeun's signature vanilla scent.

Jungeun only nods against her shoulder, not bothering to speak because _she's_ not quite done breathing in Jinsoul's rosy scent.

They break apart after what feels like forever but still not nearly enough. Both of Jinsoul's hands slide down and interlock behind Jungeun's lower back. Jungeun loosens her snare-like grip on Jinsoul's torso to hold onto her forearms near the crook of her elbows. She pinches and rubs the soft pink fabric of Jinsoul’s shirt between her thumb and index and notices that it’s the same one Sooyoung was wearing just now as well, with the same illustration of two red cherries decorating the front.

“Why are you and Sooyoung wearing matching shirts?”

Jinsoul looks down at her choice of apparel and explains, "On Wednesdays, we wear pink."

 _Cute._ Jungeun thinks, but she’s not quite done being irritated with the older girl just yet. Jinsoul was here today, the whole time, while she was outside wasting away both her graphite and precious time. She was more upset about the time because it could have otherwise been spent with Jinsoul instead. She lifts her head to complain but the little remaining irritation she was feeling dissipates as soon as she spots the light shining through Jinsoul’s eyes as she lifts a hand to touch her left ear.

“You’re still wearing them?” Jinsoul asks softly in a voice filled with nothing but fondness, brushing a thumb against the silver earring.

_I literally never take them off._

Jungeun wishes her mouth still worked. So she just nods as her cheeks start to take on a pink hue again. Her ears are already red and hot, so much that Jinsoul’s warm fingers almost feel cool against them. There's a different kind of calm that Jungeun experiences when she's with Jinsoul, such that she doesn't find the thought of being shy around her as mortifying as she did before. But that doesn't stop her from swooning as Jinsoul steals the words right off the tip of her tongue.

“I’ve missed you.”

_Ohmygod... same._

Jinsoul tucks her hair behind her ear and Jungeun's heart quickens in pace as her mind flashes back to the way Jinsoul had hesitated before her lips and then chose to kiss her on her forehead on their last not-date. This is the first time since that night that they're alone together and she wonders if Jinsoul will actually kiss her as her right hand moves from her ear to cradle the side of her face. 

Jinsoul moves closer and presses a kiss against the side of Jungeun’s forehead. Jungeun's eyes flutter close and her breath leaves her body to make room for the love Jinsoul is showing her. She lets it wash over her in waves of both warmth and electricity, completely immersing herself in it now that both of them have the time for it. The thought of not being worthy of Jinsoul’s love does cross her mind but she shuts it down immediately for the sake of the girl whose arms she’s safely enveloped in.

Speaking of arms and being enveloped in them, it should be weird, right? It should be weird to just stay in someone’s embrace for prolonged periods the way Jungeun stays in Jinsoul’s, right? And shouldn't it be weirder considering they haven't even figured out what they are to each other? But strangely, it isn't. Cuddling up to Jinsoul almost feels natural at this point, it's enjoyable and it's one of the things she looks forward to. There's an energy in between them that draws Jungeun to Jinsoul, and it's been like this ever since the night they shared under the fireworks or maybe even earlier (The correct answer is earlier but Jungeun doesn’t know that yet). Calling each other friends would be the actual weird thing at this point. Jungeun doesn't know when they'll get around to defining their relationship. Jinsoul already makes her feel safe and wanted, and if she isn't in a hurry to commit to her, then Jungeun figures she’ll wait no matter how much she wants it otherwise.

Of course Jungeun doesn't know that commitment is another race in which Jinsoul has beaten her by a thousand miles but that's a discussion for another day.

Jinsoul tugs at her face gently, deepening the kiss for a split second before breaking it and Jungeun is forced to fill her lungs with air again. Jinsoul moves back slowly and Jungeun wants to follow with a kiss of her own but the idea of tainting Jinsoul, who's so pure and perfect, with her own lips makes her hold back.

“You’ve lost weight?” Jinsoul asks and returns her hand back to Jungeun’s lower back.

 _You noticed….._ Jungeun clears her throat to say something, anything back to the girl to let her know her worries and affections aren't being wasted on her. Taking another breath, she gives Jinsoul’s arms a squeeze to absorb some of her strength.

“Swim team,” she makes an excuse. Jungeun wants to tell Jinsoul more about how she aches to see her, more about how she’s sorry for not realizing sooner, and sorry for causing her so much pain. She's not brave enough yet to say it directly and in those words so she says it the best way she can.

“I’ve missed you too.” Jungeun whispers into the space between them. Her delivery barely does any justice to the severity of exactly how much she had pined for Jinsoul in the past weeks, but in a way it also does.

Jinsoul chuckles, “You’re such a baby.”

Jungeun recoils, and looks up at the older girl with wide eyes. She feels like Jinsoul just ripped the carpet right from under her feet; it's just not fair.

“Am not!” is all Jungeun can muster as a retort.

“Yes, you are.” Jinsoul asserts again, still smiling, and adds a playful command Jungeun could never refuse. “Admit it, you’re a baby.”

“Fine!” Jungeun grumbles, “But you’re the worst! You had a day off and you couldn't tell me about it?” Jungeun is fully aware of how needy she’s being.

Jinsoul just laughs at the accusation and Jungeun instinctively inches a little closer to catch a little bit of how it reverberates inside Jinsoul’s chest. But her plans are cut short and she’s left hanging as Jinsoul suddenly breaks off their embrace just to fetch her phone and hold it to her line of sight.

_Really?_

“At least unlock it first.” Jungeun sighs as she resists the urge to slap the cracked black screen out her face, not realizing that she’s the reason it was broken in the first place. But hey! Who can blame her? She’d just much rather have Jinsoul’s own face in its place.

“Oh! Sorry,” Jinsoul giggles and Jungeun finds the sight of Jinsoul with the dark roots of her hair showing, in her stupid oversized pink shirt with her stupid tongue sticking out in concentration as she stupidly squints and thumbs at the stupid broken screen to show her some stupid thing on her stupid phone so… so…. _so fluffy she could die._

But then Jinsoul shoves her phone in her face again.

Kim Jungeun:

 _“Hey! You wanna come over_ _  
_ _and see my gunplas???”_ _  
_ _(_ **_⚠️_ ** _Message not sent. Try again.)_

“My subscription expired, I was just waiting on it to renew.” Jinsoul clarifies and Jungeun suddenly feels like the stupid and guilty one for even insinuating that Jinsoul would ever overlook making time for her.

And soft. So so soft.

“I-,” Jungeun stutters, and the readers encourage her to admit to what a dumbass she is, but she won't because NEWS FLASH: she’s just as stubborn. “I honestly have no idea what that is.”

“It’s this!!” Jinsoul excitedly points to the floor with both of her arms, nearly dropping her phone again (Okay maybe the screen being broken isn't entirely Jungeun’s fault. Maybe Jinsoul is just clumsy. Maybe it’s Maybelline). Jungeun follows their direction to whatever she had previously classified as the colorful-something-she-really-couldn't-care-less-about.

Jinsoul offers an explanation before Jungeun could voice the confusion she was still experiencing.

“They’re model kits based on characters from an anime. They come in boxes and you take all the little pieces apart from the boards and then put them together to build the final product!”

Jungeun looks in between the unboxed kit and the hopeful expectation painted all over Jinsoul's features and she feels her heart do a backflip.

"And you want me to make them with you?"

"Yes!” Jinsoul answers enthusiastically before dialing it back down again needlessly, "I mean, if you want to."

Jungeun thinks Jinsoul is being so stupid if she really thinks that she's about to say no. Any excuse to spend time with Jinsoul is a valid one even if it involves an activity neither she or her spirits had ever imagined herself participating in.

"I'd love to!" Jungeun matches Jinsoul's enthusiasm despite the blatant lie. I'm kidding! that's her being tsundere, she's actually squealing on the inside at the thought of Jinsoul inviting her into her world again. Jungeun also thinks it's so embarrassing how easily she gives into the older girl, but how could she not when Jinsoul pumps both of her fists and lets out a small "Assa!" in triumph.

_Why are you so cute….._

"But first you gotta meet my kids."

_Your WHAT now?_

Yeah, remember the carpet that Jinsoul pulled from under Jungeun's feet? Well this time it feels like the whole floor went with it. Again, Jinsoul doesn't let her voice her confusion and steps to the side so Jungeun could finally see the aquarium previously hidden behind her figure.

_Oh. I should've known._

Jinsoul slips her right hand into Jungeun's left and the electricity Jungeun feels at Jinsoul's touch this time feels all too visceral as it courses through her body down to her toes. It's not overwhelming, it just makes Jungeun clasp onto Jinsoul's hand tighter than she would have normally. And Jinsoul has to pull her a little harder towards the direction of her "kids", i-e, the pair of blue and burgundy betta fish housed comfortably inside their water-tank.

"Jungeun, meet Yves and Soul. Kids, meet Jungeun." Jinsoul introduces the three as if the fish could actually understand her. But the way the pair of scaly vertebrates actually seem to respond to Jinsoul and _nod_ in their direction before swimming away has Jungeun almost convinced that they somehow do….

"What sort of names are those?" Jungeun questions both Jinsoul's and the author's choice of nomenclature. The author would like to state in her defense that she spends all her creative juices mapping out the plot to this whole thing that there's simply none left by the time she reaches the stage to actually give names to things. Please refer to the way I've titled all of my works as an example. So her advice to the readers is to just sit down and eat your goddamn food.

(And put some respect on her name for bringing LipSoul back from the dead.)

The author let's Jinsoul speak for herself, "Yeah I know, not the best." Even she thinks the names are stupid, "Sooyoung chose 'Eve' as her name for English classes, but her dumbass didn't know she accidentally signed up for French instead. So it's been 'Yves' ever since."

"Oh," Jungeun says, as if Jinsoul had somehow verbally made the difference in spelling apparent as well. The author would like to butt in again (Screw you, it's my story. I can butt in all I want.) to say y'all can chalk up this very complex and evolved form of communication to just soulmate tingzz. "Sooyoung speaks French?" 

"No, her satoori accent was too strong back then. So she switched back to English."

"But she still kept the French spelling?" Yes, they're still at it, "It suits her."

"It does." Jinsoul hums in agreement.

"Jiwoo told me about your 'kids'," Jungeun emphasizes the last bit with air quotes using her right hand only as the left one is still safely nestled in Jinsoul's grasp, "Aren't they an aggressive breed? I always wondered how you made them get along."

"I guess they take after us, Sooyoung and I would never fight each other either."

-

"Okay so how does this work?" Jungeun asks once she's taken her spot on the floor to Jinsoul's right.

"Here." Jinsoul hands her a set of cutters and one of the clear packets. "First, we take apart all the pieces from these before we can start assembling. I like to start with the legs first."

Jungeun unwraps the packet and turns one of the assembly boards in her hands to take a better look at the small parts. "How long does this normally take?"

"This one is a beginner's set,” She doesn’t mention that she specifically bought it for this very occasion. “It shouldn't take more than three to four hours." Jinsoul points to a model on her shelf, an impressive black and white one accented with gold, "That one took me five days."

"Really?" Jungeun is already questioning her decision.

"Yeah," Jinsoul chuckles, "How about you just cut the pieces for now and I'll sand the edges. Can you handle that?" She asks, her expression smug and patronizing.

Jungeun straightens up at the challenge, "Oh you're on!", she says with new-found determination to wipe the mischievous grin off Jinsoul's face, "I'm good at these things. I get my steady hands from my dad."

Jungeun regrets the words as soon as they leave her mouth. Jinsoul's smile falls almost immediately at the mention of parental figures but she's quick to mask it by putting on a brave face and another smile. But it's much less sincere and radiant than the one previously adorning Jinsoul's beautiful face.

"I'm sorry," Jungeun tries to fix her mistake with a squeeze to Jinsoul's knee, "It just slipped out- I didn't know what I-”

"It's okay," Jinsoul shrugs, but her eyes are still sad, "I'm over it."

"I should've been more careful. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not upset." Jinsoul covers the back of Jungeun's hand on her knee with her own and laces their fingers together. "And I forgive you, stop it."

The air is now tense and awkward. It's like all the fun was sucked straight out of it and thrown out the window. 'Bad' doesn't quite encapsulate how Jungeun's feeling right now, she wants to turn back time and take her words back with it. Her eyes dart around the room wondering what to say next to bring the same playful energy back and they land on her backpack by the door. That's when she remembers the little trinket she's been carrying around from when she actually went shopping for art supplies a few weeks ago.

"I got you something." Jungeun says. Remember what she said about not minding being shy around Jinsoul anymore? Yeah, another one of her big fat lies.

"What?" Jinsoul asks, surprised.

"I-It's nothing big, it just reminded me of you and I-"

"What is it?" Jinsoul asks eagerly and turns her whole body towards Jungeun, adding another layer to her already difficult to contain bashfulness.

"It's in my backpack…" Jungeun wiggles her fingers against Jinsoul's grip on her left hand, "You need to let go.."

"Oh." Jinsoul says as she loosens her grip so Jungeun can fetch her backpack. She returns to Jinsoul and sits on her knees and ankles, folding her legs under her. She takes out a small white packet and hands it to her. Jinsoul turns it around in her hands a little and doesn't waste any time like Jungeun had done with her earrings. She rips the paper open to reveal a miniature of a harmless blue and white salamander she recognizes from an animated film series. A keyring hangs from the character's dorsal side.

"Bruni?" Jinsoul looks up, wondering what she ever did for Jungeun to compare her to an amphibian out of all things, no matter how adorable said amphibian is.

"Uhh," Jungeun stutters, "You do that thing, especially in class, when you'd crack a joke or answer any student's question by throwing them for a loop. You'd kind of make this face." Jungeun pauses to purse her lips into a wide smile and tucks her chin in to mimic the expression she's trying to remind Jinsoul of. "Like you're so proud of yourself? It's just that I saw this in the shop and it really reminded me of you and it's okay if you don't like it I can-"

Jinsoul interrupts her blabbering by pulling her into a hug of her own. She wraps her arms around Jungeun's entire frame, both crushing her and putting the unnecessary word-vomiting to a stop with a squeak. Jungeun is frozen (get it?); this is the first hug Jinsoul has ever initiated and Jungeun's completely mind-blown by how much warmer and infinitely more secure she feels in it than any of their other hugs.

Must be because Jinsoul pulled at her so hard that Jungeun almost toppled over and fell on top of her. The only reason Jungeun didn't fully fall into Jinsoul or her lap is that she managed to stick her right hand out to keep her balance, the same hand which is now resting on Jinsoul's thigh.

Just another one of those moments that should be weird but it isn't.

"Y-you like it?"

"Jungeun, I love it." she says sincerely, pulling back and looking at Jungeun with actual stars in her eyes. Her smile has returned, and it's brighter and limitlessly more elated than before. Infact, Jungeun thinks this is the happiest grin she's ever seen on Jinsoul, and that's including when Jungeun had kissed her cheek on the night they went bowling together. If Jungeun could, she'd put that smile in a bottle and save it for rainy days. It's the only expression she ever wants to see adorning Jinsoul's pretty face and she wishes she could keep giving the older girl more and more reasons to keep smiling just like that.

"And you're right, he does look like me." Jinsoul loosens her hold on Jungeun to hold Bruni up by the keyring next to her face and mimics the expression Jungeun was trying to get at just prior.

Jungeun settles back down and laughs, relieved. "Yeah, you do it better."

"You didn't do such a bad job yourself. Can you do it again?"

Jungeun gives in, she really can't resist, and makes the face again and then tries to behind her palms out of embarrassment. Jinsoul's eyes soften even more as she looks back in between the gift-giver and the gift itself. "I'm really touched, Jungeun. Thank you." She says as if Jungeun had just given her the world on a silver platter.

Jungeun peeps through the fingers still covering her face and mumbles a, "You're welcome." She lowers her hands when her attention is drawn to Jinsoul's visible dark roots again. "You know, I think you two would look even more alike if you dyed your hair black."

Jinsoul chuckles, "I was actually thinking of doing the same thing. I don't really have the time to bleach my hair anymore and I stand out too much in court. It's weird."

"Really?" Jungeun raises her eyebrows at her, "I was thinking about going back to brown hair after graduating too."

"No, you can't do that." Jinsoul says as a preface for Jungeun to ask for an explanation.

"Why not?" and Jungeun indulges her.

"Because it's gotta be a blonde and a brunette. Sorry, I don't make the rules but you can't go back." 

Jinsoul means it as a joke but there's a meaning behind it that neither of them can deny. This is the first time Jinsoul has actually expressed her interest in Jungeun, and she did it in a fashion that _so Jinsoul_. With light-hearted and sincere word-play where the subtle intention behind the words could not have been delivered any better.

Jungeun picks up on the undertones for once, as she seems to actually have grown a few brain cells in the past few weeks. She lets the connotation hang in the air and confesses her own interest in taking up Jinsoul on her offer in a manner that's _so Jungeun_.

"I'll think about it." She says with a smile.

Jungeun pretty much got everything she asked for out of that meeting. Jinsoul, her prolonged presence, quality time, and a chance to both take care of Jinsoul and make her smile even if she was the one to hurt her in the first place. And a subtle confession and acknowledgement of each other's feelings to wrap it all up? 

Looks like the universe really did grant her that favour she was asking for.

-

Sooyoung returns warily to her dorm after class and is surprised to find it empty. She quickly texts Jinsoul.

Soullie💙

_"where r u bro?"_

Jinsoul is a fast replier, it's the best thing about her.

 _"Went out to grab some_ 🍔🍟 _with Jungeun."_

She should've known.

_"Are you hungry?"_

Okay maybe the best thing about Jinsoul is how she always looks out for the people she cares about.

_"nah im good, just dont forget your mail on the way back"_

_"Alright! love ya!_ 😘 _"_

_"save those smooches for jungeun ㅋㅋㅋ"_

_"_ 😒😒😒 _"_

 _"love ya too_ 😘” 

Sooyoung doesn't quite know what to do except prepare herself for the conversation she's about to have with Jinsoul. She's been nagging the blonde about her “confidential” mail for a reason, and she was relieved beyond measure to have stumbled upon Jungeun and sent her Jinsoul’s way. Contact after nearly five years of silence? Sooyoung can't help but feel a little antsy.

What Sooyoung does know is that Jinsoul isn't coming back anytime soon now that she's with her precious Jungeun. She shakes her head and smiles to herself as she collects a fresh change of clothes and decides to take a shower to make better use of her time as she waits for Jinsoul to return. A part of her hopes that maybe Jinsoul won't and that maybe she'll have the guts to fess up to Jungeun and spend a night with her already. 

Sooyoung is as sick of the gay pining as much as the readers are. Jinsoul is too much of a romantic and too patient for her own good, and she respects Jungeun too much to hasten anything about her relationship with her. And I guess we can all agree that it's that side of Jinsoul that's actually the best thing about her.

-

By the time Sooyoung exits the shower, Jinsoul is back and lying on her bed with her back leaned against the headrest and her knees bent upwards in front of her. She stares at the black envelope in her hands like she knew it contained nothing but bad news.

The letter is addressed to her, with just her full name and residence details. But there's no sender's name on the other side. Just the words "The Jung Estate" and the address of her childhood home staring back at her in bold, impersonal letters.

"What does it say?" Sooyoung asks, still standing by the door.

"I haven't opened it." Jinsoul answers, still staring at the envelope.

"What do you think they want?"

What could her family want from her now? Her older brother is probably a doctor now like he was supposed to be, like how both siblings were supposed to be. And her parents? One who forced her out and one that stood by and watched. What could they possibly have to say to her after shutting her out after so long?

"I don't know, Soo."

Jinsoul had waited for her family to contact her and call her back, it's what she had hoped for and longed for at first. She was fortunate to have met Sooyoung who wasted no time in befriending her and taking her into her care. Sooyoung's and her family's infinite kindness and never-ending support taught Jinsoul many things. Things like people who care about you will make sure that you know you are cared for. That people who genuinely help you out of the kindness of their hearts will never gloat about it or ask for anything in return. And that family means more than just the blood running in your veins or the household you were born into, it means every person who ever made you feel welcomed, accepted, and loved for who you really are.

"Are you gonna open it?"

Jinsoul had already considered the pros and cons of that million dollar question countless times while Sooyoung was in the shower, and she simply couldn't find a reason to. Her life was finally coming together despite everything that happened. She was healthy, and on the brink of graduating with honours from one of the most prestigious law schools in the country. She wasn't doing so bad career-wise either, she had been working herself to the bone and was years ahead than most of her classmates.

Jinsoul turns around into a seated position and rests her feet on the ground. She leans her weight on her elbows and knees and lets the letter hang in between her legs as she loosely holds it in between her fingers. She looks at Sooyoung and says.

"I don't know. I waited so long for them to contact me… and now that things are finally working out for me... Is it wrong if I say I don't want them in my life anymore?"

Sooyoung moves to stand before her and answers, "No, you're not wrong to feel like that. But don't you want closure?"

Jinsoul laughs, but it's bitter and sad, "Does it really matter at this point?"

Sooyoung pauses, “I suppose it doesn't.”

Jinsoul flicks the envelope away, it lands on her desk, and she'll shove it to the back of her mind for a few months. “I just want to move on and make my own life, you know? I don't want to wallow around because of what they did to me, I want to be better than that.”

“You already are.”

Jinsoul sighs. “I don't think I'm gonna open it.”

Sooyoung nods and crouches before her, “It's all in your hands. You know I'll be with you all the way no matter what,” Sooyoung says sincerely, lightly ruffling Jinsoul's hair affectionately, “You’ve come a long way and I'm proud of you.”

“Thanks, Sooyoung. I couldn't have done it without you. I mean it.” Jinsoul says and smiles at her best friend.

“Nahh it's all you.” Sooyoung smiles back and playfully shoves Jinsoul's shoulder, “You've worked hard to get to where you are.”

“No, you.” Jinsoul grins and reciprocates with a light shove of her own.

They keep going like that for a while, exchanging heartfelt compliments and words of appreciation with a few ‘no homos’ thrown in between, before Sooyoung remembers to ask another important question.

“How are things going with Jungeun, by the way?”

Truth be told, Jungeun is one of the biggest reasons why Jinsoul was working herself so hard. While Jungeun was busy sorting herself and her own feelings, Jinsoul felt like she needed to be prepared in other ways for when Jungeun is finally ready to meet her halfway and accept her feelings. She'd even short-listed a quaint little 2-bed apartment that let's just enough natural light in because Jungeun likes warm and homey environments. Of course she has to talk to Jungeun about the whole thing, but they'd get around to it eventually. There's still a whole year left till Jungeun graduates, they have plenty of time to figure things out.

Their meeting today was a huge step in the right direction. Granted, they were moving at a snail's pace but Jinsoul doesn't mind as long as she reaches the finishing line with Jungeun by her side. She looks at her shelf and spots the blue and red mech-suit they had built earlier, and thinks about the life they could build together as well.

Jinsoul smiles, "We're getting there."

-

Jinsoul 🐟 : 

_“Hi!! High!!!”_

_“Hello?”_

_“Where you at?”_

_“I’m by the pond near the Physics department.”_

_“That’s new?”_

_“I like the water!”_

_“You wanna go somewhere for_ _  
_ _coffee? You and me together?”_

 _“YEs!”_ _  
_ _“Sorry… typo”_

_“Riiiight.... I’ll be there in a bit!”_

  
  


Jungeun’s fingers involuntarily type up a “LKSDJFSDKFLKHFLKJ” but she THANKFULLY manages to control herself before she actually sends that text. She’s gotten much closer to Jinsoul these days and the older girl has already begun to tease her over the smallest of things, where she'd previously overlook her embarrassing moments (She lowkey likes it, she’s just too tsundere to admit it). Junegun would much rather not re-live the time she had sent the **🥺** emoji, and land herself in even more mortifying waters by giving Jinsoul more ammunition to use against herself.

Where Jinsoul’s kindness in turning a blind eye to Jungeun’s embarrassing slip-ups has been wearing thin, so has Jungeun’s patience in waiting for Jinsoul to make a goddamn _move_ already. Patience has never been Jungeun’s strong suit, and yet she feels like all she’s done this semester is wait. Wait for Jinsoul to prove her wrong, wait for Jinsoul’s messages, wait for Jinsoul to make time for her. Granted, Jinsoul has more than fulfilled each and every one of her unspoken wishes despite her busy schedule (for which Jungeun is very very thankful), but she just can’t help it. It’s just how she is, she needs the attention, the touch, the reassurance, and can feel herself get more and more frustrated each day Jinsoul puts off talking to her about what they mean to each other.

_Did she mean a blonde and a brunette in a gay way or in an Elsa and Anna way? UGGGGHHHHHHH._

Jungeun grumpily shoves her sketchbook into her backpack, she huffs and sighs like she’s suffering from a Vitamin Jung deficiency. The author sighs too, because aren't we all? She also wishes that Jungeun’s dumb ass would realize that Anna has red hair, not brown.

Another one of Jungeun’s irrational complaints is how Jinsoul, who used to be so disciplined when it came to respecting and following time constraints and schedules, seems to be getting more and more tardy each time they decide to meet up. Jungeun’s meticulous and organized self finds this behaviour downright unacceptable, and dealing with it is number one on her list of priorities for when she’s whipping Jinsoul into shape once they’re officially together. In the meantime, all she can do is dock as many points off House Ravenclaw that the hourglasses in the Great Hall will run empty of all of its sapphires.

To make matters worse (dear god, please stop being so dramatic), Jinsoul didn't specify how long it’d take her to get here. Jungeun leans her weight on the bench's armrest, propping herself using her elbow. She sighs again as she wonders where Jinsoul even is. Is she just leaving work? Is she already on the way? Is she in the university already? Is she-

“BOO!” Jungeun’s musings are rudely and suddenly interrupted by someone literally yelling into her ear. Startled and frightened down to her bones, she screams and begins punching and slapping in the direction of the sound, not bothering to even take a look at who she’s pummelling so violently.

The person on the receiving end holds up their own arms in self-defense, and Jungeun continues her onslaught of misplaced aggression with as much power as her limp wrists can muster. She hears a familiar voice yell, “JUNGEUN, STOP IT!!" and it halts her fear-induced movements and makes her hold onto the person's arms she was targeting. She slides her arms up to touch their hands and recognizes her victim's warmth before she can open her eyes.

"Jinsoul??!” She finally looks to see her source of both joy and irritation staring back at her with wide, worried eyes. 

"Yes! It's me!!" Jinsoul asserts while nodding at her vigorously.

Jungeun starts to feel bad, she tightens her grip on Jinsoul's hands and laces their fingers together as an apology. She opens her mouth to speak but all words her stuck in her throat when Jinsoul's expression softens a little, and she tilts her head to one side and pouts, "Awww did I scare the baby?"

Apology? What apology? All such thoughts quickly vacate Jungeun's mind and are replaced by how much the older girl infuriates her. She scowls, and gives her knuckles what she thinks is a painful squeeze.

"That tickles!" Jinsoul laughs and Jungeun's mouth falls agape.

"...You're so _annoying._ "

"Let go of my hands then." Jinsoul says with a smirk.

Jungeun immediately releases Jinsoul and her hands plop back down to her sides unceremoniously. She's confused, because she really didn't want to do what she just did, and she has no idea why she even did it in the first place. 

Jinsoul continues to look at her amusedly, as if Jungeun were the most entertaining person in the world, "Well I didn't mean it literally." She picks up Jungeun's backpack and slings one of the arms around her left shoulder. "C'mon, the car's on that side." She says gesturing to the path along the side of the side of the pond.

Jungeun gets up to walk with her, and Jinsoul throws her right arm around her shoulders to bring her close. She bumps her cheek to Jungeun's head and nuzzles affectionately.

"How's my favorite swimmer doing?" Jinsoul asks as they begin to walk together, "You weren't planning on taking a dip, were you?" 

Jungeun swoons and cringes respectively at Jinsoul's sentences. "I'm fine." She answers and looks up, "Isn't the water a little dirty?"

"A little?" Jinsoul makes a concerned face, and she warns with a frown on her brow and lips, "It's filthy!! The Physics and Chemistry departments dump their lab waste here!”

"Really?" Jungeun asks in a whisper, as if they'd get into trouble if anyone caught them discussing something so scandalous, "Isn't that dangerous?"

Jinsoul loosens her hold on Jungeun's shoulders and turns her around so they're both face to face. She holds Jungeun on either of her sides by her arms and looks her in the eye. Jungeun's heart quickens at the worried look on Jinsoul's face.

Jinsoul takes her sweet time, and Jungeun holds her breath in anticipation of what dreaded news she’s about to deliver.

"Naaaah," Jinsoul grins, her eyes suddenly full of nothing but mirth. "I mean they treat it before it flows out so it's fine."

Jungeun blinks in disbelief, she can't believe she just fell for another one of Jinsoul's teases. Maybe this behaviour of Jinsoul’s should be number one on her list of things to deal with till it’s adjusted to a manageable level. She sighs as Jinsoul chuckles to herself.

"You're the worst."

"Am I?" Jinsoul pouts again.

"Yes. You are." Jungeun insists while nodding, not falling for her ploy again.

"Prove it." Jinsoul challenges, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Are you a judge now?" Jungeun responds, tilting her head to one side.

"Maybe I am. Now present your case."

Truthfully, Jungeun doesn't have a case against Jinsoul to back up her statement. She would have if she didn't spend every waking minute thinking about how good Jinsoul was at taking care of her when she was around and how much she missed her when she wasn't.

"I-" Jungeun struggles to come up with an argument, "Well you-" but she's interrupted by Jinsoul taking her phone out and checking a new message. 

"You were saying?" Jinsoul beckons her to continue.

"Y-You're always teasing me!" Jungeun blurts out.

" _Always?_ " Jinsoul questions and raises an eyebrow at her while typing a reply, "And?"

"And-" Jungeun really doesn't have anything else. And she can't complain about the thing she actually wants to complain about without coming off as too eager and needy. Her nosey eyes land on the phone screen Jinsoul is tapping at and she ends up doing something equally as needy.

In a downtrodden and miserable voice, Jungeun manages, "You have me saved by my name in your phone."

"What?" Jinsoul is genuinely surprised, "But I save everyone like that." Jinsoul shows her the list of contacts in her phone as she scrolls through it. She's even changed Jiwoo's contact to her full name from the way it was saved previously.

"Am I just _anyone_ to you?" Jungeun asks, lowering her head. She doesn't mean to sound so pitiful but she can't deny that not occupying a special place in Jinsoul's life is infact one of her biggest worries lately.

Jungeun doesn't even have a clue how misplaced and irrational her worries are. But can you blame her after everything that's happened?

"Can you send me a picture of yourself?" Jinsoul asks her softly. Surprised and confused, Jungeun looks up to see Jinsoul's reassuring smile and a gaze ten times softer and more caring than it previously was.

"What?" Jungeun asks, taken aback by the change in the energy.

"I have some of our selfies, but can you send me one you really like?" Jinsoul urges again.

Jungeun complies and texts the older girl a picture she took from inside Jaehyun's hatchback. She's wearing a denim jacket in it, and one of her hands is lifted to her face to shield herself from the sun.

Jinsoul smiles as the image loads on her own phone, "This is from the day we went to the botanical garden, isn't it?"

Jungeun nods as Jinsoul continues tapping at her screen. Once she's done, she holds it up in Jungeun's line of sight with a small "tadaa~".

The contact is now saved as a friendly "Jungeun 🦁💢" instead of just her full name like everyone else on Jinsoul's phone. The metaphorical cherry on top of the metaphorical cake being that not only was Jungeun's contact saved with not one but TWO emojis (because emojis mean a lot to her okay?), it was also the only one saved with a picture.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes." Jungeun nods as her eyes begin to light up, her mood elevating almost instantly. "What's with the emojis?"

"Remember how I once told you your hair reminds me of a lion's mane?"

Jungeun nods. How could she forget?

"And the second one is for your temper." 

Jungeun scrunches her face again, playfully this time, and Jinsoul chuckles, "You're seriously such a baby." She says while giving one of Jungeun's shoulders an equally playful shove.

Jinsoul knows a lot of things about Jungeun. She knows what makes Jungeun tick, what her limits are, and she knows how to ease her out of her comfort zone. She also knows other more literal things about her as well like how Jungeun prefers just about every other protein over chicken, and how she's a bit out of the loop with the current trends on the internet despite being on her phone all the time. 

However there's a lot of things about Jungeun that Jinsoul is still unaware of, and Jinsoul looks forward to learning about with great enthusiasm. One of such things is Jungeun's balance - or lack of - and how dangerous it is to give any part of her body a shove in any capacity, no matter how affectionate it is.

Because Jungeun wobbles before she topples backwards towards the pond, and she shrieks as she fears falling into the water she's now convinced is filthy. Thankfully Jinsoul reacts quickly and grabs onto one of Jungeun's flailing arms and yanks at it to save her from splashing into the pond. Jinsoul brings her other arm to wrap around Jungeun's side to turn her around to face herself. Once she's prevented gravity from running its course, she quickly locks her other arm behind Jungeun's back as well, securely holding her favorite person in place.

Still fearing for her balance, Jungeun clutches onto the collars of Jinsoul's shirt to keep herself steady as she teeters over the edge of the murky water.

"Is your center of gravity in your scalp or something???!" Jinsoul asks, half in concern and half in disbelief.

Jungeun looks up, and she sees nothing but Jinsoul, her beautiful face and her sculpted jaw and neck. Her eyes fixate on the way the muscles and bones of Jinsoul's neck protrude as she speaks and the motion transports her into another dimension where both of them are dressed up in white school-uniforms, except Jungeun’s bow and skirt were red and contrasting with Jinsoul’s blue. It all resembles a cliche scene from an anime set in a high school where the shy main protagonist finally comes face to face in a compromising position with the upperclassman she’s been crushing on since the second episode. Jinsoul is even wearing an eye-patch for some reason, most probably a gimmick by the animators to make her appear cooler than she actually is. And as Jinsoul from this other dimension lifts Jungeun’s head up by the chin to kiss her, the only thought running in her mind is, “Notice me, senpai.”

_KIM JUNGEUN WHAT THE FUCK?_

Jungeun returns to the real world with a gasp. Her eyes dart around as she tries to recognize where she is and she jumps a little when she realizes that the answer is Jinsoul's arms…. again. The older girl is quick to adjust her hold on her to keep her steady.

"Yah stop moving!!" Jinsoul scolds in a gruff voice, "You're gonna make us both fall!"

Jungeun's attention is snapped towards the source of the voice, i-e, Jinsoul's mouth, and by extension, her lips. Jungeun is suddenly overcome by the urge to kiss Jinsoul, and she figures the older girl won't have much of an excuse to delay talking about their relationship if she does. Her gaze travels upwards for a split second and realizes that Jinsoul is staring at her own lips as well. With a deep breath, she decides to brace herself and just go for it. Jinsoul swallows and breathes, and it fans Jungeun’s face like it did on that one night in front of her dorms. Jinsoul parts her lips and Jungeun tilts her head to one side slightly and moves closer, and for the first time ever Jinsoul backs away from her.

Jinsoul quickly adjusts their positions, she steps back and pulls Jungeun with her till they’re both at a safe distance from the pond and standing on their own feet. Jinsoul lets go of her and puts some distance in between them.

“We should-” Jinsoul’s voice is hoarse and scratchy, she clears her throat and tries again, “We should get going.”

Jungeun agrees but it’s not the kind of get going she wants at the moment. With the fear of having done something to overstep any boundaries that she was unaware of setting in, Jungeun realizes it’s the second time that Jinsoul had hesitated to kiss her and she swears she won’t let it happen a third time.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmmm not much action right? WELL THINK AGAIN.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it because getting into Jungeun's mind was really a PROCESS for me. Melancholy is fine, that comes naturally. The overthinking though.... it was .... a struggle.... being inside her brain. And yes... Yvesoul... my heart melts....
> 
> Shoutouts in order of appearance!  
> Firstly, to my gorgeous beta reader. I wouldn't know what to do without you.  
> Secondly, to Paru. Yeah your shade made it into the narration.  
> Thirdly, to Luxe. Yeah I just love you, you're adorable. And you've brought a lot of fun to my TL.  
> And lastly, to Caitlin! Thanks for helping me out!!!!
> 
> There's really not much going on in-terms of their outfits besides Jinsoul's  
> [pink sweater with the cherries](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EVe8FStX0AMsqIx?format=jpg&name=large).
> 
> here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips). Come yell at me!!!! :D
> 
> As always, take care of yourself and #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	8. the second part of the last chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's a quintessential sports finale, a sporty Jinsoul and homoerotic Yvesoul, and Jungeun having a difficult time maintaining her composure around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! AN early update! This was honestly supposed to be combined with the 3rd part of this chapter but idk how long it'll take me to finish that. FF is a welcome distraction, lol.
> 
> Before you dive into this roughly 8k and very gay wall of text, I want you to watch this [clip](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLG4xSeGuCQ) .

_-_

The next time Jungeun runs into Jinsoul, if you could even call it that, is a result of both Jungeun's new found intelligence and sheer dumb luck coming together to do her a favor. 

She was just going back to her dorm after class when one student speed-walked past her and she was able to overhear what he was whining into his phone's mouthpiece.

"....I'm sorry but Coach Moon will string me up by my balls if I'm not there. It's the first full team practice in forever and I…." his voice trails off when he moves out of Jungeun's earshot.

 _Must be talking to his girlfriend or something,_ Jungeun muses.

But wait…. Moon? Isn't that the football team coach? and wait… FULL team practice? That can only mean..

Jungeun gasps and covers her mouth in shock like the dramatic gay she is when it dawns on her that-

_Jinsoul is in campus._

_-_

"Alright, we're going for a 3-4-2-1 with Aeongie being our ace," Jinsoul is huddled in a circle with the rest of her teammates, and holds a clipboard as she instructs them on the new formation and strategies. Even Sooyoung listens intently, she might be the captain but she allows her players to flourish instead of stifling their creativity. Besides, Jinsoul's always been the better tactical thinker between the pair anyways. "Dami, you'll be more of a winger, and provide supply from the left. Mark will lead the midfield and Sooyoung and I will hold defense with Jaehyun in goal.”

Jinsoul flips a few pages to focus on some attacking tactics. She stops to touch a finger to a sticker of a yellow cat near the top.

"Aeongie will make runs through-" Jinsoul pauses to look up, her eyes scan her teammates and it suddenly hits her that-

"Where's Aeongie?"

The whole team looks around and inbetween the group like the band of idiotic and brainless ducks they are. It's still a mystery how they've managed to make it to the semi-finals without her considering they keep losing their lead striker. But then again, Hyunjin has always been a little too sneaky to keep an eye on at all times.

They're up against one of their local rivals in the next match and Jinsoul had to be called back from her internship (her office complied thankfully), and she was more than happy to be reunited with the family she had made with her teammates. Maybe a chance to finally come face to face with her shitty male alter-ego did come into play and maybe the opportunity to break his legs was a prospect too exciting to miss since it was BoySoul's varsity they’re up against before the final.

Is Jinsoul really thinking about the final already? Of course she is. There's no way she's losing this match; it's a matter of pride, honour, and vengeance for her. And the satisfaction when they've beaten their rivals at their own turf will be almost too sweet to put into words.

"There she is!" Jinsoul’s gaze follows Dami's outstretched arm and index finger and she spots Hyunjin's figure by the bleachers. Once again, the sun and the myopia in her retinas come together to prevent her from making out who their eccentric striker is talking to. She can tell that it's another girl, blonde, and that along with Dami's next words are just about all the info she needs to piece together who it is.

"Isn't that your bae?"

Jinsoul shoots her a glare, "I'll be right back." she says before jogging off.

To call back Hyunjin of course, she's not going over to talk to Jungeun or something.

Jungeun loves the weather when spring is on the cusp of summer. She loves that it's not too hot and not too cold at the same time. And as she spots Jinsoul jogging towards her from the center of the field, she figures she loves her big genius brain more because her plan to track down her charming compadre actually worked by itself this time around!!

But then she realizes that Jinsoul is wearing a black sleeveless shirt and dark blue shorts as training gear; and it shows off Jinsoul’s biceps, arms, and calves in all their muscular glory, and Jungeun quickly decides she definitely loves the weather more.

"Oh," is all Jungeun can manage when Jinsoul drapes one of the arms she was fantasizing about around Hyunjin's shoulders and grabs her in a headlock. "I see you've met our Aeongie here." Jinsoul says and Jungeun suddenly feels like she’s the one being choked right now.

"Yes," she says stupidly as she tunnel-visions _hard_ on the way Jinsoul's muscles clench and relax as she tightens her grip around Hyunjin's neck when the younger girl begins to struggle against her.

"We really love our Aeongie, you know?" Jinsoul says in a low growl and Jungeun starts to sweat because maybe she loves Aeo- she means Hyunjin too, but for totally different reasons.

"She's really solved a lot of our attacking problems at the top." Jinsoul reacts to Hyunjin's attempts to free herself by shoving her head down, effectively bringing a stop to the scuffle. Jungeun doesn't concur, because all Hyunjin has done so far is create problems for her as a bottom.

Jinsoul finally releases Hyunjin and Jungeun does the same with her breath. The two athletes straighten up and Jinsoul asks Hyunjin a question while ruffling her hair.

"Haven't you, Aeongie?"

"Aeong!!" Hyunjin exclaims happily.

"Wow," Jinsoul says in a small voice. "You missed team-talk, now go do a lap."

Hyunjin deadpans, and voices another “Aeong” before running off.

Jinsoul finally turns her complete attention to Jungeun and the younger girl feels her legs quiver. She considers taking a seat but Jinsoul already looks so much more taller and so much more imposing and so much more _captivating_ than she normally does so Jungeun quickly shoves that idea away.

"How do you know Hyunjin?"

Jungeun welcomes the distraction, "Uhh," But that doesn't stop her from stammering like the panicked gay she is, "She's friends with Heejin," she abruptly pauses when Jinsoul starts to tie her hair into a pony tail and blurts out the rest of the sentence, "F-from art classes… I mean."

On the accelerated track, actually. Heejin is a bit of a prodigy, and this university had to compete with rival varsities for her admission. Something about there being only one Picasso per generation or something.

"Heejin? Sounds familiar." Jinsoul frowns a little and looks up at the sky while trying to remember. The muscles of her neck stretch and protrude visibly, and she licks the back of her teeth and the side of her mouth in concentration for no other reason than that the author just wants Jungeun to be miserable.

And miserable does Jungeun get, and she quickly shakes the thoughts of Jinsoul’s tongue and where it should be instead to the back of her mind, _"_ She tried out for the team too.” Her responses kept short on purpose.

Jinsoul frowns a little more, "Oh!" she suddenly remembers, snapping her fingers. "Is she the one always Naruto-running everywhere?"

"That sounds like Heejin."

Jinsoul laughs and it has some sort of hypnotic effect on Jungeun this time; she _giggles_ , and twirls a lock of her blonde hair in her fingers and sways her shoulders like a teenage school girl would infront of her crush.

_Kim Jungeun, what the fuck?_

"Too many hand-balls with her. We couldn't have those."

Jungeun laughs again. Loudly and needlessly and annoyingly. Jinsoul hadn't even said anything funny but she can't help it. Jinsoul is _too attractive_ right now for Jungeun to not show unsolicited admiration for her over the most banal of things. Fortunately for Jungeun, they hear a loud shout coming from behind Jinsoul and it distracts her from how embarrassing she’s being.

"DUUUUCK!!"

Remember what I said about Jinsoul being terrible at following directions? Yeah, because instead of ducking she actually looks around to face the football that's speedily making its way through the air towards her. And remember how Jinsoul always freezes when objects or persons are approaching her in a straight line? Well, she does exactly that until she gets hit square in the face with the football Sooyoung had shot in her direction. Maybe Jinsoul was right to act the way she did, because it would have hit Jungeun otherwise. And Jinsoul would literally jump before a moving train for her, a football is nothing in comparison.

Sooyoung laughs in the distance and Jinsoul whips around to face Jungeun again like what just happened wasn't even a big deal.

"Are you okay??” Jungeun asks worriedly and grabs Jinsoul by her arms, which is weird because she got hit in the head not around her limbs? Maybe Jungeun did it less out of concern and more out of how much she wanted to touch Jinsoul’s biceps. Even the author is too confused by her to figure it out but she can totally relate. Shoot that shot, girlie!

“I’m fine,” Jinsoul blinks at her, which is funny because there’s a literal red mark right in the middle of her forehead and permeating towards the top of her nose and cheeks, “This noggin is invincible.” She says pointing towards said noggin.

Wrong move, because when Jinsoul moved to point at her head, her bicep flexed under Jungeun’s palm and she felt that movement all too viscerally. Jungeun recoils back from Jinsoul suddenly. Confused, she looks at her palms while trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her.

“Are you-OOF,” Jinsoul voicing concern for her is interrupted by Sooyoung throwing an arm around her neck much like the way Jinsoul had put her’s around Hyunjin. No headlocking or scuffling follows suit, for which Jungeun is very very thankful. She really doesnt think she has the emotional strength to deal with this situation if it escalates any further.

Oh and escalate it will ;)

Jinsoul glares at Sooyoung, who looks at Jungeun apologetically, “Hey Jungeun, we really need to get back to practice before Coach Moon returns.” She pulls at one of Jinsoul's cheeks a little and continues, “Can I take her from you?”

Jungeun wants to say something but sentences aren't coming to her. Thankfully she’s interrupted before she could even get to the first syllable, "I-"

Jinsoul whines, “Am I her dog?” and acts as if that’s not all she wanted to be back in Chapter 5, “I haven't even asked her why she’s here yet.”

“Ugh,” Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the useless gays in front of her, “Ask her then.”

“Hey Jungeun!” Jinsoul says with a smile bright enough to blind every person in her immediate surroundings and finally includes her in what was supposed to be a three-way conversation from the very beginning, “What brings you to our humble abode?”

“Uhh,” The punyness of Jungeun's brain makes a strong comeback as she struggles to think of an excuse. She looks around and spots her camera bag and recalls a useless detail, “I’ve been assigned the keyword ‘vigour’ for photography class.” Jungeun says, not sure what she’s really talking about to be honest.

“So you came to the sports complex to get a few shots? Not a bad idea!” Jinsoul says and the two ‘97 liners nod approvingly at her.

“Y-yeah!” Jungeun laughs, “That.” She plays along, because half-truths and half-lies are infinitely better than admitting that she's the one who literally stalked Jinsoul to the football ground this time around.

“We’ll leave you to it then.” Sooyoung resolves and starts to move back, pulling Jinsoul with her. 

Jinsoul tries to remove Soyoung’s arm from around her, “I’m not quite done here.” She mumbles through gritted teeth.

“Yes, you are.” Sooyoung pulls again.

“No, I’m not.” Jinsoul pushes again.

Jungeun’s mind goes into overdrive as pushing turns to shoving and shoving turns into grappling. Jungeun stares, wide-eyed, as Sooyoung attempts to spear into Jinsoul’s abdomen to bring her down - a move countered successfully by Jinsoul with a strong push at her scrawny friend’s shoulders. Jinsoul then wraps both her arms around Sooyoung’s waist and Jungeun screams and covers her mouth with both hands when Sooyoung's narrow frame up is lifted into the air before being absolutely body slammed to the ground. Sooyoung’s back hits the grass with a resounding thud and so does Jungeun's blood pressure.

Jungeun can't believe she’s somehow still standing on her own two legs as her knees threaten to buckle from Jinsoul’s caveman-like display of strength. She’d be more worried for Sooyoung if she weren't writhing around on the ground laughing like a mad woman. Jinsoul climbs over Sooyoung, straddling her by the waist and pinning her down to put a stop to her hysterics and Jungeun wishes it were her instead. Jinsoul grabs the front of Sooyoung's shirt and gives it a hard yank and stares into her eyes.

Jungeun swears she's going to faint.

"I win.” Jinsoul says determinantly, establishing dominance and letting Sooyoung's head fall back down.

Gay??? There's nothing gay about this at all. Avert your eyes, you horny toads!

Jinsoul turns to Jungeun from where she’s still keeping Sooyoung in her place, “How’s _that_ for vigour?”

Jungeun blinks.

_You did all of that for me????_

Jungeun can’t help but be stunned at how Jinsoul really just set up the most homoerotic wrestling match the world has ever seen and made sure to win it and for what? To help her with her classes? To impress her? Well Jungeun is impressed for sure, and very very turned on.

“Not bad,” Jungeun husks, leaning down a little and brushing a stray lock of hair from Jinsoul’s face, “But my camera wasn't ready.” She tucks it behind Jinsoul's ear and finishes with a light flick of her index against the tip of Jinsoul’s nose.

Jinsoul’s eyes follow the movement of Jungeun's fingers and she grins at her, “I’ll do it again!” and hoists Sooyoung back up to her feet along with herself.

“NO NO NO!!!” Sooyoung screams like an old lady and forces Jinsoul to take her hands off her. “I’m done here!!! you guys keep your gay shit to yourselves.” The undignified captain marches back to the center of the field and orders her teammates to get into formation.

“Hey,” Jinsoul turns to Jungeun now that they’re finally alone.

“H-hey,” Jungeun desperately tries not to faint again.

“Are you gonna hug me or do you need a special invitation?” 

Jungeun gulps. _Hug? When you look like that? When I feel like this? But I-_

Jungeun’s frenzied thoughts get even frenzier when she feels every inch of her body press against Jinsoul when the older girl steps closer and pulls her in. In an effort to not worsen her situation, Jungeun decides not to NOT hold Jinsoul's arms this time. Instead the wraps her own arms loosely around Jinsoul's torso and lands herself in another conundrum when she feels Jinsoul’s chest, obviously worked up from the impromptu wrestling match, heave against her own and it makes Jungeun’s own breath heavy as well. Jinsoul moves to kiss her on her temple like she usually does, but Jungeun jumps a little on accident and Jinsoul’s lips end up brushing against her ear. Jungeun gasps suddenly and fists on to the back of Jinsoul’s shirt tightly with both of her hands.

There’s a shift in the energy in between them, and both of them pick up on it with the way they tense up in each other’s arms. Jungeun can feel the way Jinsoul’s muscles have gone taut as she struggles to control herself. She pulls her flushed face back from Jinsoul’s shoulder to look at her. Jinsoul’s eyes are deep, dark, and bordering on desire and Jungeun wonders if Jinsoul’s also thinking about going under the bleachers to deal with the situation.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened, and she's sure Jinsoul has noticed it too with the way the older girl's gaze tends to pause at her lips or at her ears or at her neck during their fleeting moments in and around campus. Sometimes it stops at her chest or even her hands and the intensity of the way Jinsoul yearns for her hits Jungeun like a jolt of electricity and it makes shivers run down her spine. 

Sometimes the way Jinsoul hovers close to her face or pulls her body against her own makes their everyday embraces feel more sensual than they really should be. But it’s never been this intense for either of them and a part of her almost wants to give in to Jinsoul and invite her to cut the tension together.

“Jinsoul-” 

“Don’t... say a word.”

Jungeun feels even more heat rush towards her lower body as Jinsoul buries her head into her shoulder in another effort to take control of the situation. This can't be real. Jungeun can’t possibly get even more aroused than she already is. Jinsoul speaking to her like this in such an authoritative tone is not helping her at all.

“Tell me to stop.” Jinsoul murmurs against her ear.

“What?” Jungeun really doesn't want to.

“Do it.”

“Jinsoul….” reluctantly, Jungeun obeys and whispers, “...s-stop.”

And that’s all Jinsoul needs to finally let go of her and put a safe distance in between them. She holds Jungeun's shoulders at arm's length and steps back for good measure. Taking a seat on the bleachers, Jinsoul looks around for a distraction to cool herself off.

Jungeun can’t help but feel let down. Does Jinsoul not want her that way anymore? Has she been reading the signs all wrong? Was she too late and had Jinsoul been putting off kissing her simply because she didn’t want to anymore?

“I don’t understand…” Jungeun begins miserably, “Did I do something wrong?” and her shoulders slump downwards.

“What?” Jinsoul snaps to her, completely stunned by the stupidity of the question, “No..” She rises to her feet again and stands before a dejected Jungeun, “No, you didn't do anything wrong.”

She sighs while trying to shake off the energy still buzzing in her limbs. Touching Jungeun doesn't feel like a good idea but she looks too disheartened by the way she won't lift her head from the ground.

"Jungeun, look at me please." She asks gently.

Jungeun looks up, her eyes sad and sorrowed, and Jinsoul tries her best to console her without actually hugging her.

"It's not you," Jinsoul struggles to find the proper words. "This just isn't how I want it,” but somehow, “You deserve better than this." She always finds the best ones.

Jinsoul has never acted on her affections out of the respect she holds for the younger girl and how much she cares for her comfort. No one, including Jungeun, would have blamed her if she had done so a few seconds ago. But after everything that’s happened, Jinsoul has become too much of a perfectionist to catch off guard, and she’s determined to do right by Jungeun, no matter how long it takes.

Jungeun is in awe with how much Jinsoul cares about the little details. She should've known, and she does know, but Jinsoul never fails to surprise her with how thoughtful and sentimental she is. Thus, it’s Jungeun's turn to struggle with finding words to convey her gratitude to Jinsoul’s for being so patient and undemanding, but that's a battle she won't win for a long time.

Luckily for her, there's always going to be something or someone that interrupts her and covers up her inadequacies till when she's finally ready. 

This time it's Hyunjin. 

"Aeong!" She calls again.

"You're back??!" Jinsoul asks, perplexed. 

Hyunjin nods.

"Do another lap. Can't you see we're having a moment?!"

"I already did five. Coach Moon is back and she's pissed." Hyunjin speaks actual words for once.

Jinsoul resigns with a sigh, "I'll be right there."

"Okay!" Hyunjin nods again. "Bye Lip-unnie!" she says to Jungeun and runs off again.

"Lip-unnie?" inquires a Jinsoul even more confused than before.

"Uhh," Jungeun stammers again for the nth time this afternoon, "We were covering anatomy in one of our art classes. There was a raffle to select the body part. 'Lips' won in the end and the entire class chose me as the model."

Jinsoul thinks Jungeun's lips are pretty too. She's stared at and fantasized about kissing them too many times to think otherwise, and she can't help but commend Jungeun's classmates for their excellent taste. But she also knows how Jungeun feels in moments when she's the center of attention. So, to assuage Jungeun’s discomfort even more, she chuckles, "You must've hated it."

Jungeun groans, "You have no idea."

"So Hyunjin picked it up from Heejin?"

"Probably." Jungeun shrugs. "I'm used to it now."

Jinsoul also thinks that "Lip" isn't actually a bad potential pet-name should Jungeun let her call her that in the future. There's a moment of silence where Jinsoul tries to figure out what to say to Jungeun next. Naturally her mind darts to teasing her over nicknames since it's already the topic of discussion. She puts her right foot on the football that had hit her in the face a few minutes ago and wiggles it around with her toes before asking a question.

"How come you never call me unnie?"

Jungeun looks at her curiously and answers Jinsoul's question with one of her own, "Because you asked me not to?"

"When?" Jinsoul genuinely does not remember through her sheer power of will at mentally blocking traumatic memories.

"The library…." Jungeun answers and thinks that maybe that noggin isn't as invincible as Jinsoul thinks it is.

"Oh," is all Jinsoul can say as the memory floods back to her brain and she experiences war flashbacks.

Jungeun smiles, "Do you want me to call you unnie?"

Jinsoul wants a lot of things. Like Jungeun's consent, a room with a bed, and a door with a lock. If Jungeun called her unnie, it'll definitely add a lot more spice to the whole affair, but it's not on her list of priorities at the moment.

"Nahh, I'm good." Jinsoul resolves with a smile of her own.

"Whatever you say," and the mischievous glint takes over Jungeun's eyes too quickly for Jinsoul to brace herself for what she says next, " _Unnie~_ "

Jinsoul had no idea the power a simple two-syllable honorific would have over her as it rolled off Jungeun's tongue. Because before she could even figure out what was going on, her foot had slipped off the ball it was on and she hit the ground faster than it takes for an eye to blink. Her head connecting with the bleachers emphatically with a loud smack in the process, leaving a small dent in the metal.

"What is it with you and getting hit in the head??!" Jungeun shrieks.

Jinsoul rubs at her invincible noggin, and wishes she knew as well.

-

Here's the thing. The author only has the vocabulary and mental capacity to describe just one (1) football match. So let's just pretend like she actually wrote about how our girlies (and some boysies) returned home after tearing BoySoul's team to smithereens in a resounding 7-1 victory. The author would like any Brazilian Orbits out there to know that the scoreline is definitely not a coincidence.

Let's also assume that Jinsoul played like a beast and attempted to bring down any blonde opposing team member that got close to her with two footed tackles whenever the referee wasn't looking. And then squared up shamelessly and aggressively against anyone that tried to tell her off for it. 

Except she didn't realize at the time that BoySoul didn't show up to play the match. She would've known if she ever bothered to ask for his real name.

-

A buzz of both excitement and dread hangs in the locker room’s air, as it usually does in the moments leading up to a big match. A tournament final, however, is it's own kind of monster. With nerves and adrenaline just flying everywhere, the pre-match energy feels like static and it has everyone’s skin riddled with goosebumps.

This isn't the first final Jinsoul has played in, she's used to how tense they can get and even finds the whole affair exhilarating. The only part that’s different this time around is the emptiness of the seat to her left which would otherwise be occupied by Sooyoung. This is Sooyoung's first and last final as the team captain and she's determined to do well by the way she's checking up on each of her players and their nerves.

Jinsoul's teammates go in and out of her vision, some looking for missing pieces of their kits and others just pacing around trying to recall the tactics they had practiced in the build-up to this game. With her hair tied up in a tight ponytail and fully dressed in her kit: a white t-shirt and dark blue shorts which represent their varsity's colors, Jinsoul counts down, while listening to the sounds her pre-match playlist blares into her ears, as she gets into this zone of calm aggression as she does before every match.

Sooyoung stops in front of her and wordlessly asks how she's holding up. Jinsoul nods reassuringly and her captain promptly leaves to resume her rounds. Jinsoul looks at the clock and notes that there’s roughly twenty-minutes left before kick-off. It also means that it's almost time for her teammates' respective significant others to drop by with their wishes for good luck (among other things) for the match.

Jiwoo's coming for sure, she's all about the fanfare and excitement of these events, and there's no way she'd miss an opportunity to support Sooyoung in anything. And Jinsoul is proven right when Jiwoo bursts into the locker room like a ball of unfettered joyous energy. She lights up the whole place instantly and shoots a finger-gun gesture at Jinsoul before leaving to look for her girlfriend.

Maybe Jinsoul does keep a close eye on all the new faces that follow Jiwoo in, maybe she hopes a certain blonde would show up too, and maybe she is a little let down when said certain blonde doesn't.

Jinsoul sighs to herself disappointedly. The loudness of the locker room, mostly because of Jiwoo screaming excitedly, only registers when she removes her earphones and wraps the wires around her phone before stowing it in her backpack. She hasn't seen Jungeun since the incident at the bleachers, and she can't help but feel uneasy with how things went with all of their contact being limited to just texting. 

Was she wrong to push Jungeun away even though she did clarify her reasons for it? Should she have let go of waiting for that perfect moment and just given in? Should she have kissed her when she had the chance? Jungeun had promised that she’d come, did she change her mind?

With another sigh, Jinsoul checks her laces, and just to pass the remaining time, she fixes the ones on her right cleat. She's just about finished when someone in a pair of white sneakers stops before her, perfectly aligning their feet with hers. Jinsoul looks up to see who it is and feels her heart skip a beat.

The entire locker room collectively gasps and is stunned into silence by Jungeun's presence. It's suddenly so quiet like they're the only ones there. So quiet that you could hear the sound of a hair dropping to the ground, a metal pin dropping would actually be loud in this case.

"You came?" Jinsoul asks in a small voice, as if speaking any louder would scare Jungeun away. She rises to her feet and looks at her like she can't believe her own eyes.

"Of course I did," Jungeun frowns at her playfully, her grin not faltering even for a second. "I promised, didn't I?"

Jinsoul matches her smile as relief takes over her, "Thank you." 

"You can thank me once you win the game." Jungeun pauses to step closer and takes both of Jinsoul's hands in her own and squeezes her fingers together. Running her thumb over Jinsoul’s knuckles, Jungeun asks a favour while looking straight into her eyes, "You are going to win, right? For me?"

Jinsoul feels like she's going to explode from how happy she is, from how happy Jungeun makes her. Jungeun is the best thing to ever happen to her, and she's so so so in love, "I'd do anything for you." And in that moment, she really would. She'd forgo the game if Jungeun asked, she'd pick a star from the sky if Jungeun asked, she'd let go of waiting for that perfect moment and kiss her if Jungeun asked. (Okay maybe that’s going too far.)

Jungeun's smile grows wider, "Just focus on the game for now?"

Jinsoul nods, "I will." Her cheeks are starting to hurt from how much she's cheesing.

“Ten minutes till kick off!” Coach Moon announces, which the non-sports personnel in the locker room take as their cue to leave. Jungeun looks behind her at the source of the voice and Jinsoul's grip on her hands instinctively tightens. Jungeun whips back around to meet Jinsoul's hopeful gaze.

_Don't go._

_I'm right here._

But Jungeun has to leave but it's okay because it only means that she came, and that she'll stay and that she'll wait. Jinsoul reluctantly loosens her grip and Jungeun unthreads their hands just as unwillingly. Soon enough, Jiwoo and Jungeun are the last ones left in the locker room besides the team. Jiwoo waits by the door as Jungeun prepares to make her leave and do the one thing she was here to do in the first place. 

Which is: slowly taking Jinsoul's face into her palms and pressing a kiss just at the corner of her lips.

"For luck." Jungeun beams at her.

  
  
  


The whole locker room erupts into the loudest of cheers as soon as Jiwoo and Jungeun exit. Jinsoul's teammates surround her and hoist her into the air like she just scored the goal which just won them the final they have yet to even play. Although not entirely impossible, it's still a bit unlikely because Jinsoul is a defender not an attacking player. They only stop their premature celebrations when they hear a loud thud come from the locker room’s low ceiling which could only mean that Jinsoul has suffered another head injury. Except this time it really wasn't her fault.

They sit her back down in front of her locker. Sooyoung checks for concussions by moving her index fingers in and out of Jinsoul’s line of sight (like she’s done many times before), and her head for any visible bumps. She finds no reason to worry and signals an 'a-okay' to her teammates who collectively sigh in relief.

Sooyoung laughs and says, "We need you in the best shape for the post match activities if you know what I mean." She cups Jinsoul's face, giving it a little affectionate shake.

It's as if getting Jinsoul laid is more important than winning the tournament itself.

-

The stage is set for the biggest collegiate sporting event on this side of town! The ground is divided into two sections of blue and red packed to capacity with fans overzealously cheering on their own team and throwing curses at the opposing team with just about the same energy. Oh and a side note: The color choices are not a LipSoul thing, they’re just supposed to represent the Yonsei vs. Korea University rivalry.

Jungeun and Jiwoo take their seats in the front rows after getting their snacks. Even Jungeun has to admit that she’s excited for the game, she never really cared for sporting events besides swimming competitions or Jiwoo’s taekwondo matches. And it’s not like her ex ever bothered to invite her to his games, let alone book front row seats like Jinsoul and Sooyoung had done. Being close with two of the seniormost names on the roster clearly had its perks.

Jiwoo is a vessel for carrying and amplifying noise and energy and Jungeun is sure she'll have lost some hearing in her left ear by the way the game hasn't even started and she's already screaming and hollering the people seated in their vicinity into premature deafness. Jungeun is very thankful when the two teams walk onto the pitch because it means Jiwoo finally has a reason to be cheering the way she is. 

The game kicks off and the opposing team begins the first round of attacks almost instantly hoping to catch the home team off guard. They’d have a chance if Sooyoung and Jinsoul gave them an inch’s worth of space to string any passes together. With their movement and positioning in perfect sync with each other, they’re impossible to get past as they thwart attack after attack with ease. Both of them exchange high-fives or punches in appreciation of their teamwork. Jaehyun yawns as he leans against a goal post.

Somewhere in the middle, Jungeun turns to Jiwoo and asks, “What’s an offside trap?” because that’s what their two heartthrobs specialize in apparently. Jiwoo puts a stop to her relentless cheering to explain it to her because Jiwoo knows everything. By the time Jiwoo finishes her extensive and thorough lecture on the offside trap and its significance throughout footballing history, the first half is almost over.

Jungeun wishes she never asked to be honest, because Jiwoo just chewed her ear off about her favourite defenders of all time and she still has no clue what an offside is.

She also wishes that she was more mentally prepared for the second period of the game, because with teams changing their sides, the home team’s defending half was on that side of the pitch where Jungeun and Jiwoo were seated. Meaning, Jinsoul and Sooyoung were playing right in front of them. It was only from close that Jungeun could see how fluid and how calculated their number 5 and number 6’s steps were. (The author made the creative choice to use their birth-months because the numbers 7 and 9 are NOT those worn by defenders. So, sue me, I've been a football nerd longer than I've been an Orbit.)

Another thing Jungeun could appreciate from this proximity was how commanding Jinsoul was from the back, so much more so than Sooyoung. Despite being a defensive player, Jinsoul didn't shy away from controlling the attacking plays of their team’s game as she heaved long balls to the strikers at the front or barked orders like, “WATCH YOUR LINES” and “MARK YOUR PLAYER,” to her teammates. Leaving Sooyoung to pick up on more defensive responsibilities and watching out for the runs the opposition players were making.

Jungeun already had it bad for Jinsoul’s voice, but she was used to it being smooth, soft, and velvety. Hearing this new, heavy, and aggressive timber to it was affecting her in places other than her eardrums. And the way Jinsoul scowled at and stared down any opposing player that got close to her wasn't doing Jungeun any favours either. At least she could blame the stadium's lighting or the atmosphere for making her feel so warm but who was she kidding?

Jinsoul wasn't all mean and demanding though, she made sure to appreciate her teammates' efforts in intercepting plays and responding with counter attacks of their own, but she still did it with a frown on her face and Jungeun was finding it difficult to stop herself from going over to her and smoothing out the creases on her brow with her thumbs. 

“YAH JUNG JINSOUL CALM DOWN!” Jungeun officially joins Jiwoo in her cheering which only encourages Jiwoo to up the volume and intensity even higher till they’re both sure that their section is the loudest one in the entire stadium as they chant along to the theme of the orange game along with the dance.

"Ooorenjji orenjji oooorenjji~" and Sooyoung and Jinsoul try to hide their faces in embarrassment. 

The two teams are locked in a stalemate well into the second half, with both teams trying and failing to break down each other’s defences. Well the home team had better luck when it came to getting past the final line, it’s just that the opposition's goalkeeper is too good to beat. Coach Moon signals a change of play to her captain, which Sooyoung delivers to Jinsoul. Jinsoul nods and hollers it to the rest of her teammates in a booming roar. Even Jungeun and Jiwoo are stunned into silence for a few seconds with an ‘oop’. In a blink of an eye the home team begins to rearrange their formation the next time the ball lands at Jinsoul’s feet. She and Sooyoung exchange possession in between each other as the rest of the team takes their positions. Sooyoung spots Mark making the run they were looking for and passes the ball to him. From there the whole midfield strings together a number of quick passes combined with fast runs to confuse the opposing defence, and the tactic works perfectly when Dami delivers the ball into the penalty box and Hyunjin pops in out of nowhere like the sneaky striker she is and beats the keeper to it. She taps it into the opposition's goal with a flick off the back of her heel.

The entire stadium explodes - well at least the blue side does - in a deafening cheer. The team in white and blue huddle around each other and take turns hugging Hyunjin or shoving her head or patting her butt. The opposing team ups the ante on their attacks instantly. With the game entering its final stages, the away team's frustration at failing to break down the home team's defense becomes apparent and one player in red, in particular their number 9, ends up fouling Sooyoung by pulling her by her shirt to the ground. 

Jinsoul confronts him immediately by shoving her face into his and glaring at him. He responds just as well in defiance and stands up to Jinsoul with impunity. A few of their teammates try and fail at pulling the players away from each other and their stare-down before the referee decides to get involved. Jinsoul opens her mouth to put the stump in front of her in his place but she's interrupted when a shriek that could only be Jiwoo's pierces through the air and rocks her out of her angered state.

"YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEEE!!"

Jinsoul’s attention snaps towards the bleachers to spot Jiwoo with her hands still cupped around her mouth to boost her vulgarities, and Jungeun in tow screaming profanities at the opposing team. Jinsoul looks at Sooyoung, who's now back on her feet. They snort and break out into a rambunctious laugh together at their respective one & only's antics. The player who fouled Sooyoung in the first place long forgotten and utterly demoralized by what was unfolding in front of him, and to make matters worse, both defenders continue to wheeze at his expense as the referee books him with a yellow card for his offence which sparked the whole feud, if you could even call it that anymore.

The cautioned player is quickly subbed-off by the away team's coach and another bout of laughter escapes the two defenders. Their hysteria proves costly as the player subbed into the game in place of their number 9 is their number 7, famously known around collegiate sporting circles as the “little magician” or the “secret weapon”. 

Woozi steps onto the pitch and immediately starts causing more problems for the home team in the first few minutes of his inclusion than the rest of his team could in the past 80 or so more minutes of the game. The home team adopts more defensive tactics and formations but with exhausted legs and tired bodies, they’re finding it more and more difficult to contain him and his attacks. Jaehyun is finally being tested, and thankfully hasn't failed in defending his goal. There’s a few minutes left till the final whistle and the home team knows they just have to ride out these last waves of attacks but then the ball lands at Woozi’s feet again.

He skips past Dami with ease, spins around Mark and nutmegs him in the process, the whole stadium cringes on his behalf. He’s then faced with Doyeon, their last defender on that side of the pitch. Woozi dribbles the ball past her in the third attempt and Jaehyun rushes forward from his lines to tackle him. Sooyoung and Jinsoul move back to protect the goal as their goalkeeper dives to steal the ball from Woozi’s feet.

A terrible mistake. Woozi touches the ball just far enough so Jaehyun’s arms hit him in the shins instead of anywhere close to the ball. In a clear foul, Woozi falls to the ground and the referee points to the penalty spot straight away, awarding the away team with a penalty kick in the dying minutes of the game. To make matters worse, Jaehyun also injured himself in the tackle leading upto the foul. His wrist now painfully swollen and movement restricted. Sooyoung looks at Jinsoul, who nods understandingly before guiding Jaehyun to the sidelines.

Jungeun and Jiwoo look on worriedly from their seats, they’re close enough to overhear parts of Coach Moon’s instructions.

“....have to save this one penalty…. not much game left…. can’t afford to go into extra time without our main keeper...”

Jungeun wonders how their team is going to save their match and title, and all her questions are answered when one of the coaching staff brings a fresh orange colored shirt to Jinsoul, same as the one Jaehyun is wearing.

_Jinsoul is the new goal keeper._

Jungeun watches as Jinsoul tucks her fingers around the neckline of her white shirt as she pulls it over her head. Jungeun’s eyes rake over all of Jinsoul’s skin - smooth, milky, and glistening because of the sweat it's drenched in. Jinsoul slips her arms into the orange shirt while nodding along to Coach Moon’s instructions and words of encouragement. Maybe Jungeun could make out Coach Moon's words if her blood wasn’t roaring against her ears, and if she wasn't distracted by how a bead of Jinsoul’s sweat once settled in the dip of her collarbones trickled down and soaked into her sports bra. Her gaze continues downwards, following the path to Jinsoul’s chest, her midriff, and finally-

_SHE HAS ABS NOW??????_

Jungeun feels heat rush to all the wrong places as her eyes fixate on how Jinsoul’s abdomen clenches with each breath she takes. Staring isn't quite the appropriate word here, gawking would more accurately to describe Jungeun’s actions as she took in the sight of the lean and flat muscles of Jinsoul’s stomach as the thin film of sweat clinging to her clear skin made the lines of her abs appear more defined and prominent than they really should've been.

Jungeun is disturbed out of her reverie of dirty thoughts when Jinsoul finally pushes her head through the neckline of her new shirt and the ends of it finally fall downwards and cover her upper body. The whole movement took less than a few seconds in real-time but felt like hours to Jungeun. She hears a wolf-whistle from behind her and whips around, red-faced, to Jiwoo who wiggles her eyebrows at her suggestively, like she knows exactly what Jungeun was thinking a few seconds ago.

“Shut up.”

“I didn't even say anything!!” Jiwoo pleads innocence. Technically, she wasn't wrong. She didn't say anything with her mouth, but the mischievous glint in her eyes did all the talking that was needed anyways.

Jinsoul jogs onto the pitch towards her spot in goal and touches either goalposts and the crossbar above her head to get the size of the goal. Sooyoung whispers something in her ears before leaving to join the rest of the teammates at the edge of the penalty box. Jinsoul shakes her arms and stretches her legs, widening her stance defensively and gets into position.

The entire stadium holds their breath as Woozi runs up to the ball.

He shoots.

Jinsoul dives to her left.

And catches the ball securely in her arms in front of her chest.

A number of things happen at once. The stadium erupts into an earth shattering noise. The final whistle blows. Jinsoul kicks the ball down the field right as her teammates dogpile on her. Jiwoo grabs Jungeun by her arm and dashes towards where their team is celebrating their victory. They reach just in time to watch Sooyoung hugging Jinsoul close on the ground and crying tears of happiness into her shoulder. Jinsoul attempts to comfort her through her grin and laughter by patting her on her back. Sooyoung lets go of Jinsoul and clings to Jiwoo like a koala, leaving just Jungeun in that portion of the pitch with Jinsoul who’s still on the ground. Jungeun holds out her hand, which Jinsoul takes and gets back to her feet. She stands before her, and they’re still holding onto each other’s hands when their eyes meet.

In that moment, it feels like it’s just the two of them in that whole field. Like they’re the two main protagonists of a teen-romance film set in a highschool in California, and this was the quintessential sports finale right before said two main protagonists finally declare their undying love for each other. If this were a teen-romance film, Jungeun would cradle Jinsoul’s face and bring her into a kiss so soft yet so seering that it’d make the hearts of the teenage girls around the country flutter. Breaking the kiss Jinsoul would smile so sweetly at Jungeun that she’d become stan twitter’s favourite white boy of the month (except Jinsoul is neither white nor a boy). Jinsoul would kiss Jungeun again as the camera begins to pan away from them, taking in the whole stadium before the scene transitions into the closing credits of the film.

But this isn't a teen-romance movie set in a high school somewhere in Southern California. This is the real world where Jungeun is a germaphobe and Jinsoul is sweaty and mucky and icky. This is the real world where there’s still a bit of story left to tell and where Jinsoul has waited far too long for Jungeun to steal their first kiss from her.

So instead of kissing Jinsoul, she asks a question.

“Is this moment good enough for you?”

Jinsoul laughs, shaking her head. Of course it isn't, and brings Jungeun into a hug.

“Thank you,” Jinsoul says, breaking off but still holding onto Jungeun by her arms and looking at her with nothing but unfettered adoration in her eyes.

“What for?”

“For coming,” Jinsoul leans in and kisses her right at the corner of her lips just like Jungeun had done before the game. “And for the luck.” Jinsoul says, and hugs her again.

But not before pointing out how red her face is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST THINGS FIRST:  
> Shout outs to Paru and to V! Thank you for the inspiration 😌😌
> 
> now onto other things:
> 
> If you're all also Jungeun and still wondering what an offside is, click [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GePlbCsGniA) .
> 
> honestly I wrote pretty much all of this along with the first part and had I known I'd be splitting the chapter again, I would've done it ages ago. It's just that one of my cats died in the morning and she left behind some kittens that aren't even two weeks old yet and I'm kind of devastated about the whole thing so I need some time before I'm in the mood to finish the remaining part of the last part.
> 
> But I also didn't wanna keep you guys waiting for too long so here's an update! kinda.
> 
> Here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips). Come say nice things to me.
> 
> Anyways I hope you are having a good time. Please take care of yourself and #StopLipsoulAngst2020


	9. the final part of the final chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One graduation, two makeovers, a whole bunch of party games.... and a first kiss?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys. Take a deep breath. Also, make sure to read the ending notes!

-

Sooyoung eyes the two cans in front of her suspiciously. As far as she’s concerned, there’s a 50% chance of her getting herself drenched in gross, sticky beer if she gets it wrong. But then again, her team is full of pranksters and maybe both cans have been tampered with before being placed before her and Dami. 

The music blaring at the party is barely a hum against Sooyoung’s ears as she concentrates on winning the final round of Beer Roulette. With Dami watching her every move, Sooyoung hovers a hand over one of the cans. The crowd surrounding the table lets out ooooohs and aaahhhs in suspense. Sooyoung rolls her eyes at them before she feels a pair of hands squeeze her shoulders. She looks up to see Jinsoul’s warm eyes.

“Pick the red one.”

“You sure?” Sooyoung laughs nervously, fearing her best friend might also be playing a prank on her.

Jinsoul nods, “I’m sure,” as if they were shooting the music video to Hi High.

Sooyoung shrugs, “Anything for you, Soullie.”

She picks up the burgundy can and hooks her fingertip under the tab on the top. She closes her eyes and holds the can at arm's length. The crowd around the table and Dami do the same with their breaths.

Sooyoung pulls at the tab as slowly as possible and the can opens with a satisfying crack of some carbonation escaping. Luckily for Sooyoung, that’s all the carbonation that needed to escape before the pressure both inside and outside the can equalizes. There’s a mix of groans and whoops of celebration from the crowd as Dahyun, tonight’s bookie, goes around them to collect on her bets.

Sooyoung bumps fists with Jinsoul before smugly taking a swig of her beer.

“Do I have to?” A defeated Dami tries to plead her way out of her pushishment.

“Rules are rules” Sooyoung shrugs.

“Yeah hurry up before I put more in front of you.” Jinsoul threatens even further.

Dami musters up the courage to do her part of the game with the crowd chanting encouragements at her and stepping back at the same time to avoid the beer sploshing which is surely to follow. Jinsoul and Sooyoung move back as well, and break out into another one of their signature laughs together as Dami is soaked from her head to her lap in the disgustingly room temperature beverage when the can practically explodes in her face.

Once the crowd disperses after depositing their bets with Dahyun, Sooyoung, beer still in hand, turns to Jinsoul to ask a question.

“How’d you know?”

“I saw Johnny shake the shit out of the black one when they were setting up.” Jinsoul replies casually, because to her competitive nature, the ends justify the means no matter what as long as she ends up on the winning team.

“You’re terrible,” Sooyoung laughs, “And I love you.”

“Yeah yeah, love you too.” Jinsoul takes Sooyoung’s arm by the wrist to place a pack of mints in her hand, “Take these, beer breath.”

They hear the sounds of a camera’s shutter, and whip around to be faced with Heejin and Hyunjin.

“Did you get all that?” Heejin asks, lowering a camera.

“Yep!” Hyunjin sniggers from behind her own camcorder.

“What’s this?” Jinsoul asks a question of her own, while Sooyoung busies herself in throwing up peace signs and flashing her charming smile for the lens.

“It’s Aeonglog!”

“Ah!” Jinsoul understands.

But the readers don’t so here goes! ‘Aeonglog™’ is Hyunjin and Heejin's collaboration for their filmmaking class this semester. As their final project, they're supposed to submit a lively report on a hip and happening event on campus related to their studies or extracurriculars. With the semester mostly wrapped, both of them figured there couldn't be a more suitable event to cover than their team celebrating having successfully retained their crown at yet another frat party before the final exams and subsequent graduations.

One could argue that maybe it was a little risky and downright reckless that the two delayed their final project for so long considering their deadline is the very next day. Regardless, it’s a testament to their confidence in both Heejin’s editing skills, and in their team’s fortune in actually bringing the title back home.

Because imagine if they had lost? Heejin and Hyunjin surely don’t want to.

“Can you two…. behave?” Hyunjin asks the two defenders, who are now both busy making silly faces into the camcorder’s lense.

“Hey!” Jinsoul chides playfully, but it still comes off oddly aggressive, “We're both graduating in a few weeks, let us savour these last moments in college.”

“Lip-unnie wishes you’d savour something else though.” Heejin mutters under her breath.

“WH—” Jinsoul chokes on her own spit, “WHAT DID Y—” and what would be her sputtering like a faulty lawnmower is put to a stop before it could even begin, and we can all thank Sooyoung for that.

“How can we help with Aeonglog?” Sooyoung diverts the subject from her best friend's nearly year long dry run and related embarrassments.

“We just have a few questions for the school paper, and the footage will be used for our project.”

“Oh we can help with that! Right, Soullie?” Sooyoung turns to glare at her, totally playing the I’m-older-than-you-so-you-better-listen-to-me card that the age difference of exactly twenty days allows for.

Jinsoul attempts to argue with a frown of her own, but it doesn't work. “Fine.” She grumbles, and crosses her arms petulantly.

“How do you feel after being crowned as the MVP for the game, Jinsoul-ssi?” Heejin begins her questionnaire. 

“Oh!” Jinsoul’s expression brightens up immediately and her arms fall to her sides, apparently all it takes to soothe a grumpy Jinsoul is some attention and a calculated stroke at her ego. “Feels great! I couldn't have done it without my team though.”

“Great! How did know which way to dive to save the penalty”

“Ahhh, that’s a great question!” Jinsoul says before throwing her arm around Sooyoung and grinding her knuckles against the top of her head. “I asked my captain!” She flashes a wide smile first at her best friend and then the camera.

“And I said go left!” Sooyoung finishes for her.

“Excellent! Can you show us your medals?”

Both of them oblige, and pull on the dark blue ribbons on their necks to display the gold medals which were previously hidden inside their respective jackets. Jinsoul takes the camera from Hyunjin, and the two seniors hold their medals next to their faces, while winking in the direction of the lens as if they were shooting a vlog of their own.

“Good enough?” Jinsoul asks as she returns the camera to Hyunjin.

“No,” Hyunjin sighs dramatically, “But I guess it’ll have to do…” she answers before scurrying off, Heejin in tow.

Jinsoul looks at Sooyoung and they shrug simultaneously, both of them now more than used to their eccentric striker’s particular brand of nonchalance.

Before either of them could say anything else to fill the silence, that is if you ignore the music currently thumping against their eardrums and the sounds of another group of students screaming over a drinking game being played nearby, Jinsoul’s attention is drawn to the frathouse’s main doorbell ringing. Her grip over the rails tightens and she peers over the staircase to get a better look at their new guests.

She purses her lips nervously and heaves a deep disappointed breath when she sees that it’s not Jiwoo and Jungeun.

“Bro, calm down! You’re about to bust a vein.” Sooyoung scolds her in an attempt to placate her worries.

“What if she doesn't show up???”

“She said she will.”

“But she said that the last time too!!!”

“And she came! Just don’t go making out with anyone this time and you’ll be fine.”

Jinsoul parrots that last sentence back at her, with a scrunched up face and in a nasally voice that doesn't sound like Sooyoung at all. Sooyoung grabs her by one arm and threatens her with a “Yah!”. Jinsoul snickers and Sooyoung hits her. They start scuffling with each other again, except this time Jinsoul giggles through the whole thing while Sooyoung just wants to get back at her for the overtly aggressive and sexually charged wrestling match in the training ground from a week ago.

“Really?” The distaste in Jiwoo’s voice is enough to break their brawl before they start drop-kicking each other.

“Right in front of my salad?” Jiwoo raises her hands, and she is carrying what is infact a Subway™ takeout container.

Jinsoul points an accusatory finger at her best friend. “She started it!” 

“Excuse me?!” Sooyoung screeches, “You’re really gonna slander me like this in front of my girlfriend?!”

Jinsoul laughs again and this time it sounds like a weird bird-like squawk. Her eyes widen in panic suddenly when she realizes that the girl she wants as her own girlfriend isn’t here.

“Wait, where-”

“I’m gonna stop you before you start crying,” Jiwoo interrupts her, “She’s downstairs, she just had to use the bathroom first.” 

Jinsoul relaxes a little and breathes, “Oh..” she smiles briefly before her foot starts to involuntarily tap against the floor and her head bobs in a much higher frequency than the BPM of the song currently playing in the background.

Jiwoo eyes her form and all the nervous energy exuded by it. “You can go get her.” 

“Yeahokthanksbye.” Jinsoul manages before she scampers down the staircase, tripping over her own feet in the process.

Too many people. Jinsoul has had to bob and weave her way through too many damn people and she’s still nowhere close to the ground floor bathroom. She stands on her tippy toes to get a better look but all she sees are heads of brunettes and blacks with some shades of pinks and reds scattered in between. She huffs as she squeezes her way through, craning her neck in the hopes of finding a blonde head in the mix. Spotting a clearing, she dashes forward but stops abruptly when a familiar scent of vanilla mixed with hair dye tickles her nostrils.

Her attention involuntarily snaps to her right and her jaw drops. 

Jungeun stares back at her like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Y-Your hair??!” Jinsoul gasps inarticulately, her eyes nearly bug out and her entire face moves with them to take in the new, lighter shade of Jungeun’s once glimmering golden locks. The change, albeit shocking and literally jaw dropping, isn’t unwelcome in the slightest. After a few moments of staring like a downright fool, she lifts a hand to gently touch the ends of Jungeun’s now silver tresses and realizes the lighting of the hallway isn’t doing enough for Jinsoul to properly behold and appreciate Jungeun’s makeover. So, she pulls the younger girl by the wrist into an adjacent hallway which offers them improved illumination and privacy to have a better look.

And Jungeun looks so pretty like she belongs in a movie, so pretty that it just isn’t fair, because it was only just spring and all the other flowers that bloomed wished they could compare. 

In an attempt to praise her, Jinsoul musters up all the words in her vocabulary to articulate exactly how gorgeous Jungeun looks and to compliment her as eloquently as she deserves. 

Which is:

“Wowww..”

Jungeun who’s pink as hell right now laughs, half in relief and half in embarrassment. She asks timidly, “Do you like it?”

"Like it??” Jinsoul is dumbfounded, her voice coming off excessively high in pitch, finding the mere notion of Jungeun assuming that she’d ever dislike anything that she ever did to her appearance ridiculous. “Jungeun, you look amazing!!”

“Thank you,” the younger girl laughs again to cover up her shyness, but the look of complete and utter adoration in Jinsoul’s eyes gives her the confidence to say the next words, “I thought it’d match well with you when you dye your hair black.”

Jungeun shrugs her wrist still in Jinsoul’s grasp to hold the older girl’s hand and Jinsoul swears her heart just doubled in size.

Jungeun pretty much spends the rest of the night on Jinsoul's arm as she takes her around the party and introduces her to her soon to be former classmates and teammates. The thought of Jinsoul no longer being her upperclassman does make Jungeun's heart twinge a little sadly but it's okay, because the looks they shared made it obvious to both of them that they'd be something else by the end of the night.

Jinsoul winks at her as she rigs a game of beer pong in their favour. Jungeun's loud laugh threatens to give them away so she shushes her with a finger to her own lips. Jungeun obeys, barely managing to contain her giggles each time Jinsoul tries to argue her way out of a foul.

After that, they join a round of drunk jenga except Jinsoul only pretends to be drunk the whole time. They’re on a roll, mostly because Jinsoul keeps cheating, but the winning streak - if you could even call it that - finally comes to an end when Jungeun isn't able to stack up more than two chapsticks using chopsticks.

Her penalty for losing the game is to do aegyo and despite much whining and pleading and grumbling on her part (which in a way does qualify as aegyo but Jinsoul isn't in the mood to let her off that easy), she reluctantly lifts both of her wrists to her chin.

“Please… _”_ she begs one last time.

“Nope!” but Jinsoul is having none of it.

Face contorted in a grimace, Jungeun takes a deep breath and closes her eyes before twisting her wrists forward exactly one time.

“......Bbuing” Jungeun squeaks.

Jinsoul swears she’s going to explode.

Eventually they rejoin their friends in one of the main lounges of the frat house. Jiwoo excuses herself to fetch some fresh drinks while Sooyoung, who sits on one side of the coffee table, retells the tales of Jinsoul’s rampant fouls during the semi-final when their team had played against BoySoul’s varsity. Jungeun listens intently, becoming more and more infatuated with Jinsoul with each word she was hearing.

“You should have seen her. She was taking people _out_ with her tackles. The pitch was pretty much destroyed with the amount of skid marks she left all over it.” Sooyoung pauses to raise her glass to her lips, not realizing it was empty. She tosses it away, "It was honestly something else.”

Jungeun looks to her left, “Are you serious?” Considering the spectacle Jinsoul had put on earlier today, Jungeun regrets not attending the semi-final.

“My shirt was covered in grass stains that day,” She answers while looking into Jungeun’s eyes, “I had to change it in the middle because the referee was having trouble spotting me.” 

“Jinsoul, that's terrible.” Jungeun laughs and gives Jinsoul’s arm a squeeze.

Jinsoul smiles cooly and offers a casual shrug as a response, and an equally casual, “It wasn't a big deal.” All Jinsoul regrets is BoySoul’s absence in that match.

“Not a big deal??” Sooyoung laughs in disbelief, “You were this close to getting suspended.” Sooyoung pinches her thumb and index together, leaving roughly half a centimeter in between her fingers.

“But I didn’t!” Jinsoul shoots back cheerfully.

“And thank God for that. If we were a quidditch team, I swear you’d be one of the beaters. You’re so violent!” Sooyoung replies exasperatedly and leans back into her seat.

“Great,” Jinsoul says sarcastically, “Another episode of Lesbian Hogwarts.”

“ _Lesbian_ Hogwarts?” Jungeun raises an eyebrow disapprovingly, “This is bisexual erasure.”

Jinsoul turns to her and smiles. She offers a “How about Sapphic Hogwarts?” as a truce.

Jungeun accepts it with a nod, “Better.”

Sooyoung suddenly rises to her feet like she has a very important announcement to make, “Well I don't know about you guys, but I’m a keeper.” She finishes with slapping her hands together and looks around the table expectantly to make sure her friends understood the pun.

Sooyoung sits back down, way too satisfied with herself, while her two friends are still groaning at the word play.

“Oh yeah?" Jinsoul challenges, "Explains why you’re dumb as shit with all the times you’ve bumped into the goalposts.”

“You’re saying that?? You??!” Sooyoung almost screams, “I can't walk two steps without spotting a surface you haven't banged your head on!!!!”

Sooyoung laughs at the suffering caused to Jinsoul by the gravitational pull of her head. Jinsoul throws her empty paper cup to the ground, and it makes an unceremonious little splat. She considers climbing over the table to beat the living shit out of her but then she’d just be proving her point. “Well you-” and her retort is cut short when she hears another loud laugh coming from her right. She turns around to see Jungeun; her eyes teary and face red, wheezing because of Sooyoung’s wise-crack.

“You…” Jinsoul's words fail her momentarily because Jungeun and Sooyoung teaming up against her is beginning to feel like a treacherous double pronged attack. She needs to put a stop to it and quickly. Diverting her complete attention to Jungeun, she warns, “Yah stop it!! Or I'm reporting you to McGonagall the next time I catch you sneaking around our dorms.”

Jungeun puts a stop to her cackles and asks in between gasps, “Why would I be sneaking around the Ravenclaw dorms?” Fully expecting Jinsoul to tease her like she's been doing lately.

But Jinsoul does nothing of the sort, “Because that’s where the Astronomy tower is and you like looking at the night sky when the rest of the world is asleep.”

“I-,” Jungeun stops in her tracks and stares, whatever comeback she had prepared in advance gets stuck in her mouth. _No way.._ There’s just no way Jinsoul could attribute that much romance to a simple little quip and with such quickness. And it wasn't just that, Jinsoul had managed to attribute to it so many layers of Jungeun's melancholic nature, her disposition towards the night and to astronomical bodies to her fictional Gryffindor self that for a split second she vividly imagined herself in said astronomy tower with her head on her favourite prefect’s shoulder as she explained constellations and galaxies to her.

Jungeun has had it, she’s sick and tired of waiting around for Jinsoul to kiss her. She can only handle so much of Jinsoul making her heart swoon and flutter the way she does. She wants to steal Jinsoul away and kiss her senseless till she's a blabbering mess, and she really doesn't care how obvious it'll be to Sooyoung from across the table as she slythers (get it? ;D) her hand towards Jinsoul's.

“Heyyyyy did I miss Lesbian Hogwarts???” Jiwoo puts her plans to a sudden halt by making her return to the table, carrying fresh drinks for herself and for Sooyoung.

_Really?_

“It’s Sapphic Hogwarts now, babe.” Sooyoung corrects her tenderly.

“Yeah, Jiwoo. Get with the program.” Jungeun says through gritted teeth.

Oblivious to the reasons behind her best friend's sudden animosity towards her, Jiwoo asks, “Okaaaay, have you guys figured out my house yet?" It's been nearly a year!” She makes a complaint looking in between her beau and her beau's best friend.

“Why can't you just be happy with being JKR?” Jinsoul laughs, “You're….everywhere…. watching our every move."

"Listen, I appreciate the sentiment but I’d rather not be compared to a TERF."

Jinsoul and Sooyoung share a chuckle while Jungeun rolls her eyes.

“Alright then. Let’s do this once and for all.” Jinsoul aka the self-proclaimed resident Harry Potter expert begins the sorting ceremony. Jiwoo squeals in excitement and Jinsoul directs her complete attention to her. “For starters, you know what you want and you know how to get it. And you’re calculated, not nearly as reckless as you make yourself out to be.”

“Hey!” Jiwoo complains because what started off as praise is starting to sound like slander. She looks to Jungeun for support but only receives a callous shrug of the shoulders as a response.

“That means you’re cunning, babe” Sooyoung comforts with a reassuring smile.

“Oh! Okay,” Jiwoo smiles, pleased, “Yeah go on.”

“So you’re ambitious, cunning, calculated….” Jinsoul counts on her fingers and waits for Sooyoung to continue her line of thought.

And Sooyoung does as she’s asked, “...You’re sharp, you’re aware of what’s going on around you and you care a lot about the people close to you.” 

“So that makes her a….” Jinsoul trails off again and leans closer to Jungeun this time and waits for her to say the final words.

Jungeun, who is now more than well-versed in all things related to the Wizarding World thanks to Jinsoul consistently geeking out over it, takes up the request and narrows her eyes at Jiwoo.

“A Slytherin.” she resolves.

Jiwoo squeals again, “I like it!!!!!”

“Good job.” Jinsoul says to Jungeun and holds a palm up in the air. Jungeun slaps her own with it in a high five. 

“Look at us,” Sooyoung chuckles, “We’re a full set!”

“Yeah!” Jinsoul points to herself, ”A Ravenclaw that’s too cool for school-”

“Oh _please,_ ” Jungeun grimaces and scowls at her in a mix of annoyance and exasperation.

Jinsoul ignores it and looks at Sooyoung and Jiwoo, “A corny Hufflepuff! A sinister Slytherin…” she turns to Jungeun, who holds her breath…

“... and a crybaby Gryffindor.”

“Yah!!!” 

A while later, Sooyoung and Jiwoo excuse themselves for reasons that may or may not start with making and end with out. After a bunch of apologies and a calculated use of a _“Jungeun, pweeeaaase~”_ coupled with puppy eyes and a signature pout that she knows Jungeun can’t resist, Jinsoul manages to convince Jungeun to accompany her in another one of her hospitality rounds around the party.

Once done with the formalities, our two main protagonists find themselves in a somewhat secluded part of the house on the first floor. Jungeun stands with her back against a wall and Jinsoul hovering closer than she normally would. 

“So…” she begins, “You having a good time?”

Jungeun grins at the not so coy attempt at small-talk. “Yeah,” she answers honestly because: one, she always has a good time with the older girl, and two, small-talk isn't exactly unwelcome when it comes to her either. 

Emboldened by the fact that Jinsoul’s attention hadn’t left her for a moment since she stepped foot into the building, Jungeun playfully tilts her head to one side, and shoots an inviting gaze at the girl in what according to her is a subtle little flirt, “You’re not such a bad host.”

“Yeah?” Ever so observant, Jinsoul picks up on exactly what’s going on and leans a little closer. “And what if I wasn't?” She smirks.

Jungeun is taken aback for a moment and her resolve nearly falters. She feigns a nonchalant shrug while forcing herself to maintain eye contact, “Then I’d have no choice but to leave.”

Jinsoul scoffs, “I can think of a few reasons for you to stick around,” and it’s the malice in her tone that stirs a longing ache in Jungeun’s belly. She tries to ignore it and challenges again, “And what would those reasons be?” The dimple of her eyebrow popping out when she raises it in defiance. 

Jinsoul steps into her personal space, and Jungeun barely manages to suppress her squeak when Jinsoul puts one of her hands on her waist and lowers her head to murmur into her ear, “Because if you think this is bad, Jungeun, I can be so much worse.”

Jungeun _shudders_ , the ache in between her legs forcing her to shrink in on herself. What was she thinking? She should know better than to spur Jinsoul on, when all it takes is that voice, tone, and _language_ for her to be reduced to a quivering mess. Jinsoul watches Jungeun’s ears go from pink to beet red in no time but it doesn't deter her from picking at Jungeun and her boundaries like it normally does. Jinsoul doesn't move back, infact, she does something much much worse by pulling at Jungeun’s waist to bring them even closer.

Jungeun all but whimpers in Jinsoul’s arms as she struggles to maintain her composure, she wants to close whatever gap is left between them and prevent that from happening altogether. Her eyes dart around in panic until her vision zeros in on Jinsoul’s lips but she won't dare make the first move this time around.

“Jinsoul, _please..”_ Jungeun begs in a shaky whisper for the girl to either let up or _do_ something. She reaches back with her hand hoping to find something to support herself with in case her legs decide to give way.

“I..” Jinsoul tries to come up with an explanation for her actions. It’s not the alcohol, she hasn't touched a spiked drink the whole night. It was the same for Jungeun but she had been notably more uninhibited with her affections tonight, and practically clung to Jinsoul the whole time or sneaking tender touches and playful caresses when the direct connection between them was severed temporarily.

The frantic movements of Jungeun’s hand stops when it grabs onto the doorknob of the bedroom behind her. She looks up to glare at the older girl and Jinsoul is taken aback by the intensity of the _need_ and hunger raging in her eyes. Jinsoul wants to sink into them, but she holds back without letting up on her grip on Jungeun’s waist firmly keeping the younger girl in place.

Jungeun turns the doorknob and challenges Jinsoul one more time.

_Are we really doing this?_

Jinsoul gapes, tongue tied and speechless yet again at Jungeun’s determination. Everything she’s wanted for the past two semesters are right within her reach if only she’d dare take the final step. It was like something deep inside of Jungeun was calling to her and pulling her closer, like a magnetism that only existed in between them. Jinsoul stares into Jungeun’s eyes and the longing practically spilling from them, she feels like she’s sinking deep into them. Consumed by her own ache to have the younger girl, Jinsoul didn't even realize how close she had gotten to taking her until her vision narrowed in on the throbbing pulse point in Jungeun’s neck.

Hypnotized, Jinsoul licks her lips and presses them to the spot. Jungeun's hands scramble to Jinsoul’s shoulders and she fists at the white fabric of her t-shirt. Seeking more contact, her body arches itself involuntarily into Jinsoul’s. She’s barely released a sigh when a familiar voice pierces through the air, calling for their attention and snapping them apart at the same time.

“There you are!!”

Jinsoul missed Jungeun’s touch as soon as she let go of her and her back hit the opposite wall of the narrow hallway. She looks in between Jungeun and the intruder happily waddling his way towards them.

 _A literal cockblock._

On top of being flustered and really confused by what just happened, Jungeun is severely disappointed, like she shouldn't be surprised at what unfolded mere seconds ago. She leans her head back against the wall and sighs and it sounds so tired and so exasperated.

Painfully oblivious to everything, Jaehyun beams at the two. He bows a little to Jungeun, placing the hand not currently hung in a sling on his chest, “Milady,” he says respectfully, and then turns to Jinsoul, “Piece of shit.”

Jinsoul tries to hide the strain in her voice, “What are you doing here??” Seriously, why is he not in the hospital?

“Party’s wrapping up, they need you at the front of the house.”

“Why??” She asks confusedly, sneaking another glance at Jungeun who’s busy massaging away the headache starting to develop in her brow.

“I don’t know, I’m just the messenger.” Jaehyun dismisses her concerns and begins walking away. He pauses near the corner, looking back at Jinsoul, “That means follow me, dipshit.”

Jinsoul groans, “Fine. Just give me a minute.”

“Uh Huh..” He mocks and sticks around regardless of the request, because at this point literally the whole university knows that a minute doesn’t exactly mean a minute in Jinsoul’s dictionary when it comes to Jungeun.

Jinsoul glares at him some more, and he turns around the corner, allowing the pair some semblance of privacy.

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul begins quickly and moves a little closer to Jungeun. She’s not sure if she’s apologizing for her frisky behavior or the fact that said frisky behavior was cut short… yet again. “I don’t know what happe-”

Irritated, Jungeun cuts her off, “It’s okay. Just go.” 

  
  


-

  
  
  


Heejin:

_“Where are you?”_

_“Hellooooo???”_

_“Heejin I swear to god if_ _  
_ _you’re ignoring my messages_ _  
_ _because you’re too busy_ _  
_ _smooching up Hyunj-”_

Fortunately for Heejin, the battery of Jungeun’s phone gives way before she can complete typing that message. Jungeun stares at her reflection in the black screen for a bit before letting out a frustrated groan. She would’ve remembered to charge it if she wasn't so occupied in dying her hair for Jinsoul. To make matters worse, all of her friends are off getting busy with their respective significant others when all Jungeun wants to do is get busy with the big ball of doofus and sunshine that she’s stuck with instead.

She hates everyone at that moment. She hates Heejin and Jiwoo for abandoning her like this and she hates Jinsoul for being so _slow_. 

Jungeun shoves her phone back into her pocket with an audible ‘ugh’, she really has no other choice but to wait around some more while keeping a lookout for familiar faces.

“Hey! you’re still here?” 

Jungeun hears her favourite voice call to her and her flight or fight response is triggered instantly. She whips around to see Jinsoul standing near the doorway and slowly making her way to her.

“I was just leaving.” Jungeun answers once Jinsoul comes to stop in front of her. 

“Oh.. Okay.” Jinsoul says a bit disappointedly. She wanted to speak to Jungeun about what had happened earlier and their whole situation in general before the party officially ended. 

But she isn’t really sure how to bring it up with how tense the air is. After an awkward silence, Jinsoul tests the waters by resorting to humor. Like she always does when things are a little uncomfortable.

“You know I thought you’d be long gone by now,” Jinsoul says with a chuckle, “Considering your curfew and all.”

“What? There’s no curfew toni-” Jungeun is confused for a moment because the normally strict time-constraints for last entry into dorms around campus had been lifted for this whole week because of the various sporting and other extracurricular events happening around campus. But then she spots the combination of mischief and tenderness in Jinsoul’s eyes and realizes that the older girl is poking fun at her own sleeping patterns. Again.

“Haha. Very funny.” Jungeun drones.

Relieved, Jinsoul throws her head back and laughs. She’s so proud of her little quip that Jungeun can’t help but laugh a little with her.

“I’m sorry,” Jinsoul says as she recovers from her laughing fit, “I don't know why I’m like this, I really can't help it.”

“It’s fine,” Jungeun rolls her eyes. Though she doesn't really mind Jinsoul’s teasing, she also figures there’s no point in arguing about it when she knows the girl isn't sorry at all and will terrorize her all over again when the next opportunity presents itself.

There’s another silence, but it’s not as bad as the previous one.

“Hey,” Jinsoul calls to her softly.

“Hmm?”

“Come with me?” She makes a request while holding out an open palm.

Unable to resist, Jungeun slips her own hand into it and she’s led towards the exit. Jinsoul doesn't let go even after they've made it outside, she just points to the sky and asks, “Did you know there's an eclipse tonight?”

Of course Jungeun did. Her frequent late night stargazing is exactly why Jiwoo likens her to an owl and why so much of her stationery and devices are covered in stickers of the nocturnal bird as well. Besides, the moon's company wasn't exactly unwelcome either when she'd stay awake at night, unable to sleep because of her nightmares. 

Also, what sort of art student would Jungeun be if she didn't?

Jungeun looks up at what should've been a full moon, but hidden partially behind the shadow being cast on it. With all the hustle and bustle of the game earlier, the small window of time she had to pretty herself up for Jinsoul, and the fact that she had practically been chasing after Jinsoul the whole night, she can't exactly be blamed for not remembering, “I completely forgot...” 

Jinsoul keeps her eyes firmly trained on her instead, “Hey, Jungeun?”

“Yes?” Jungeun turns to face Jinsoul and their eyes meet.

Jinsoul casts her gaze downwards to where their hands are still joined, and presses her thumb to the back of Jungeun’s palm. “I’m really sorry about what happened earlier.”

“It’s fine.” Jungeun tries to ease her worries, “I didn't know what I was thinking either.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah..” 

To Jungeun, it doesn't feel awkward at all the third time silence descends upon them. It feels natural, comfortable even, basking in the dimmed moonlight and Jinsoul rubbing little circles on her hand.

This moment, sharing it with Jinsoul, it feels different. She feels open and bare but not in a way that used to terrify her. She wants this now, more than ever before, and she can’t help but find comfort in the idea of stargazing with Jinsoul again the next time a peaceful night’s sleep evades her.

“So what now?” Jungeun asks, hoping the girl would do or say _something_ to prolong this night. With no teammates or soon to be ex-classmates and especially not Jinsoul’s stupid job coming in between them, she finally has Jinsoul to herself and she wants all of Jinsoul and all of her undivided attention for as long as possible so imagine how disappointed she is at what she says next.

“You were leaving?” She tries her best to hide her own disappointment.

“Oh,” Jungeun catches herself before her shoulders deflate fully, “Y-yeah you should rest, you must be tired.”

“I’m fine.” Jinsoul shrugs, smiling, and Jungeun wants to curse at how dense the older girl is. Jungeun wonders if she should start wearing a neon sign on her head that says, ‘JUNG JINSOUL MAKE A MOVE’ in bright flashing letters.

“Goodnight, Jungeun.” 

“Yeah, goodnight.” Jungeun says defeatedly, but she puts on a bright expression for the sake of the girl in front of her and perks her shoulders back up as best as she can. “See you tomorrow?” She asks hopefully, because maybe Jinsoul would be more receptive to her neediness after a good night’s rest.

“See you tomorrow.” Jinsoul's promising words reassure her a little. Just enough for now.

Jungeun pauses, rocking her weight back and forth on her heels, still hoping Jinsoul would give her a reason to stay. But when that doesn’t happen, she settles for the last contact between them tonight being a small disappointed squeeze at one of Jinsoul’s arms. Reluctantly, she turns around and starts walking.

“Wait!” Jinsoul calls to her and Jungeun turns around so quickly she almost gives herself whiplash.

“Yes???” she asks, her eyes shining with new-found optimism and expectation.

“Your dorm isn’t that way?” Jinsoul questions with a small frown.

Jungeun blinks. Denied by Jinsoul, once again.

“I’m staying with Heejin tonight.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Jungeun tries to think of a subtle way to explain while flailing her wrists clumsily. She drops her hands to her sides when she can’t think of any, “Because Sooyoung’s coming over to my dorm, and Jiwoo invoked the roommate code.”

“Oh?” Jinsoul is confused for a second, “Ohhhhhhhh,” and then finally understands. She makes a little “Huh…” while embroiled in deep thought, because why wouldn't Sooyoung tell her that she was planning on getting _busy_ tonight when she makes it her business to be all up in Jinsoul’s business in the first place??

Jinsoul shakes those offensive thoughts away and asks, “Where is Heejin’s room?” because she’s way more concerned about where Jungeun will be sleeping tonight. And she means it literally, you pervs.

“It’s one of the older dorms, closer to the Linguistics Department.”

“That’s quite a walk away...” Jinsoul calculates the distance in her head as she takes in the way Jungeun’s silver tresses glimmer in the dim light of the moon. She doesn’t feel very comfortable with anything that she’s hearing. The night combined with the plethora of hooligans, drunk from their respective parties, roaming the campus doesnt sound like a safe time for Jungeun to be walking anywhere. “Are you going alone?”

“I was supposed to go with Heejin but I can’t find her.”

“I’ll walk you there.” Jinsoul moves closer to Jungeun, who declines the offer by holding both her hands up.

“No, Jinsoul, your dorm is right behind you.” She pauses to look at her, already feeling bad for making her worry, “I’m fine, you should rest.”

“Have you tried texting Heejin?” Jinsoul offers a compromise instead.

“.....My phone died.”

That was the metaphorical icing on top of the metaphorical cake. Except the cake was raw in the center and the icing was probably mayonnaise as some sick twisted April Fools prank. In short, Jinsoul wasn't going to have any.

“No,” she determines, spotting an opportunity.

“No?” Jungeun questions with a little chuckle.

“You’re staying with me tonight.” And Jungeun feels like all the air had just been punched out of her lungs.

“And we can talk about… things.”

-

“Well, home sweet home?” Jinsoul tries a joke as soon as she opens the door to her dorm and let’s Jungeun in. 

Jungeun tries to match her energy but she’s too nervous. Her first visit to Jinsoul’s dorm had ended badly, the second one was a marked improvement. She’s too scared and too anxious for the conversation Jinsoul had promised her for her third visit.

Jungeun awkwardly shuffles out of her shoes and looks up just in time to spot Jinsoul hanging her keys up on a hook near the doorframe.

“I- I didn’t know you were using that.”

Jinsoul follows her line of sight and spots the keychain Jungeun had given her, “Of course I’m using it,” as if an alternative could even be entertained, and holds up a hand, “Your phone?”

Jungeun wordlessly deposits the device in her hand and looks around the room as Jinsoul plugs it into the charger on her table. She smiles when she spots the blue and red mech suit model sitting proudly on one of the shelves, relaxing a little finding familiar objects.

“Oh!” Jinsoul is reminded of something, “You wanna see something really cool??”

“Sure.” Jungeun indulges her.

Jinsoul moves to the aquarium and crouches near it, her hands looking for a switch under the base. “Can you turn the lights off?”

“What?” 

“Just do it.” She asks again.

Jungeun clicks the lights off and suddenly both of them are surrounded by nothing but a pitch black darkness. The anxiety she was already finding so difficult to curtail begins to creep back into her arms and neck. Jungeun waits, and it takes a while for her vision to adjust to the moonlight coming through the open window.

"Hold on, I messed up," Jinsoul grumbles in a voice twinged with a little embarrassment. Jungeun spots her figure through the dark, still fiddling with the base of the aquarium, and feels a tug in her chest pull her towards Jinsoul. She lets it take its course till she's just a step or two away from her.

"Ready?" Jinsoul asks the air, oblivious to the suspense Jungeun is embroiled in because of her. Jungeun swallows the nervous lump in her throat and nods, oblivious to the fact that she’s practically invisible to the other girl.

There's a loud snapping click of an analog switch. All of a sudden, the newly installed LEDs in the aquarium light up the room in beautiful shades of blue and greens and Jungeun's breath gets caught in her throat all over again. She gasps and looks around the walls, and all the mesmerizing shadows and spots of brightness being cast on them by the combination of the water and the betta fishes' movements inside it.

Jinsoul watches, a proud smile on her face, as Jungeun takes in her new surroundings.

“Nice, huh?” she asks and Jungeun's attention snaps to her. “I found the idea on the…” but the rest of her sentence peters off when her eyes meet Jungeun's and she reads the helplessness, the desire, and the _want_ all swimming in them.

Jinsoul feels her heart begin to race, suddenly feeling so nervous, so small, and so shy. There's a tug in her own chest as well but she stays rooted to her spot, too nervous to move despite how much she wants to. She looks at Jungeun, her own eyes carrying their own message of vulnerability, of longing, and a plea to be closer to her. Jungeun receives the message, clear as day, and steps closer to Jinsoul and stands before her.

“Jungeun, I-” and Jinsoul tries to hide the storm raging inside her, “I need to say a few things before… b-before this goes anywhere,” but her chest feels too heavy all of a sudden and she’s talking at a pace much faster than her normally calm and collected self.

Jungeun keeps her gaze fixed on her and nods. Jinsoul fumbles around and reaches to take something out of her back pocket and keeps it out of Jungeun’s view.

“Can you close your eyes?” she makes a request.

Jungeun is taken aback a little, this isn’t exactly how she imagined their first kiss would be, but she’s never been one to say no to the older girl either. “Okay.” she whispers, and fulfills it.

She feels Jinsoul slip a thin, loose, band around her neck. Jungeun has no clue what it is but it feels soft and smooth against her hair, and then against the skin on the back of her neck when Jinsoul carefully collects all of her locks and passes them through what she’s now convinced is a ribbon of some sort. The weight of her new neckwear only becomes apparent when Jinsoul let's go of it and something hard and heavy rests against the front of her chest.

“You can open your eyes now.”

Jungeun doesn't waste a second. Her eyes pop open and she immediately looks downwards to spot the gold medal Jinsoul had won earlier in the day for her heroics on field now hanging around her own neck.

“I-,” Jungeun can’t speak. It’s over for her. In one smooth move, Jinsoul took all the words in her limited vocabulary, smushed them together as if they were a paper ball and flung it into oblivion. Where did it go? Jungeun doesn't know but she figures it’s probably sitting somewhere in another dimension next to the football Jinsoul had kicked down the field as the referee blew the final whistle. “I can’t take this…”

“Yes, you can.” Insistence.

“But it’s _your_ medal.” Resistance.

“I won the game for you...”

Jinsoul watches, anxiously, as Jungeun curls her fingers around the medal. Jungeun clutches at it and Jinsoul somehow feels the clench in the walls of her own heart. She doesn't want it back, she doesn't think she can handle Jungeun returning it to her right now or ever. She watches Jungeun’s hand still wrapped around the medal till her fingers slowly start to loosen from around it. Jungeun lowers her hand to her side and raises her eyes to meet Jinsoul’s again. She nods, ever so slightly, signalling acceptance.

Jinsoul wants to tell the girl that it’s okay, that she still has another one for being crowned the MVP, that if Jungeun keeps the one around her neck, it’ll be like a couple item for just the two of them.

But she can’t, her lips stay clamped shut, and the words that make their way past them are the only ones that matter at this point.

“Jungeun, I like you..”

Jungeun's chest swells up with warmth. All she wanted out of this evening was to finally step out of her comfort zone and to make it known to Jinsoul – who had waited long enough – that she was ready for her.

And a kiss, she most definitely wanted a kiss as well.

But what she got instead was another gift. Though Jungeun appreciates them just as much, it wasn't one Jinsoul had chanced upon in a market and bought. Instead it was a gift that Jinsoul had laboured over and fought for, and as the medal hung around Jungeun’s neck, it served not only as a token of how much she meant to the older girl, but also a marker that she well and truly belonged to her as well.

After all, it had Jinsoul’s name on it.

Reaching up to cup Jinsoul’s face in both of her hands, Jungeun realizes just how small Jinsoul’s face is compared to the rest of her. Jinsoul, who’s taller and bigger and most importantly _older_ than her, somehow has a face small enough to fit so perfectly into her own hands. She brushes the pads of her thumbs tenderly over Jinsoul's soft cheeks, making multiples passes over the mole on the right one, all the while the older girl’s eyes drill holes into the floor near their feet.

“I like you too, Jinsoul...”

Jinsoul takes a deep breath and nearly melts into Jungeun's palms. The exhale comes out shaky, and she shudders when Jungeun tries to coo her into a more relaxed state. Jungeun wants to call her so many things, like baby or precious, because Jinsoul's never been more endearing to her than she is in this moment. Jungeun thinks it's adorable how this is the same Jinsoul who has no problem delivering lectures to hundreds of students at a time and arguing in front of judges, the same Jinsoul who did so much to bring the two where they are and didn’t hesitate before travelling all the way to Choengju to see her, but now can't bring herself to take the final step and kiss her or even look her in the eye.

Jinsoul's lack of courage inspires some sort of confidence within Jungeun. She smiles and decides she's never going to let Jinsoul live this moment down.

Jungeun tugs at Jinsoul’s face, as gentle as a breeze, and their eyes meet again. Jungeun thinks this moment is perfect, but unfortunately she’s not the one out of the two fit to pass judgement on that matter. Wordlessly, she asks the question she’s been dying to all night.

_May I?_

Jinsoul's brain is two-seconds away from short circuiting. This isn't how she imagined their first kiss at all. She didn't expect herself to freeze, or shut down so badly that Jungeun would have to end up taking the lead. Jinsoul had imagined something entirely different, like both of them in a boat floating on calm river-water. She had imagined Jungeun painted in shades of emerald and cyan as she admired the night sky and the fireworks decorating it. She had imagined their eyes meeting and Jungeun breaking out into a shy smile. A smile Jinsoul would return through a kiss against Jungeun’s lips.

If Jungeun would have her.

Jinsoul only experienced the completeness of a moment worthy of the perfect first kiss when she was on that boat with Jungeun. The privacy, the timing, the romance, all the pieces were firmly in her hands. All except the most important one: _Jungeun’s consent._

Now, with Jungeun standing before her, holding her, and asking for permission; and with the room’s walls being illuminated by nothing but the moonlight and the teal and cobalt of the aquarium’s LED’s, Jinsoul figures this moment is akin to their own private version of the Auroras. 

Jinsoul nods, her gaze hardens a touch in determination and she burrows it deep into Jungeun's.

_Yes._

Jungeun’s lips part and a breath is sucked in between them, she pulls Jinsoul down to prevent herself from straining her neck too much. She closes her eyes and hovers for a moment, another deep inhale allowing her the time needed to collect both her breath and nerves. She sucks at her own lips, wetting them faintly, before closing the distance in between them.

First it's a tiny kiss to the corner of Jinsoul's mouth, then one halfway, and then one where she ultimately presses both of their lips together fully.

The kiss is soft and fettered. Unable to use them to speak, Jungeun uses her lips to show Jinsoul how much she’d yearned for this moment. Yet at the same time, she holds back out of fear of overwhelming the girl in front of her. She feels Jinsoul melt into her, mould against her, and Jungeun quickly realizes this is everything she’s ever wanted from the older girl.

Jinsoul let’s Jungeun take the lead as she kisses her with a hunger so intense yet so restrained. Jinsoul gently kisses back with the slightest of force to calm her down. She doesn't see a reason to rush, she wants to take things slow and relish in Jungeun’s infinitely soft lips before exploring the rest of her.

They continue to softly peck and suck at each other’s lips until they feel faint. With hearts still yearning, they break apart with an audible smacking sound. Jungeun’s hands move to rest on Jinsoul’s shoulders. She opens her eyes to meet Jinsoul’s now more determined gaze and her shyness returns to her quicker than it takes for a butterfly to flap its wings.

There’s a new kind of firmness with the way Jinsoul handles Jungeun this time, like she means every kiss to describe a different feeling. She starts with Jungeun’s forehead to show how protective she feels for her, then moves to her cheeks to convey tenderness. She nuzzles there for a moment until she elicits a small laugh. Jinsoul smiles too, before finally reconnecting their lips again.

Jungeun isn't sure who sighs into the kiss first, what she does know is that Jinsoul's lips are just as soft and _kissable_ as they look, so much that she feels greedy with how much more contact she craves with them. She tilts her own head to improve the angle, not allowing more than a whisper of space to come in between their lips. Jinsoul sucks in a tiny little breath before soft, pouty lips press into hers’ just a little harder.

Jinsoul hand releases Jungeun's face and she clenches her fists a few times, needing to hold onto something else. After a few deliberating moments, she decides the best place to put her palms is on Jungeun’s waist. She alternates between fisting at her shirt and smoothing out the creases created by stroking at Jungeun’s sides and her lower back.

Jungeun loves touch, she loves Jinsoul’s the most. So it’s not a surprise that Jinsoul’s thinly veiled and torturously restrained attempts to take charge of the situation have her purring a low satisfied hum against Jinsoul’s lips. Heartened and emboldened by Jungeun’s approval, Jinsoul squeezes Jungeun’s waist again, tighter this time and pulls her in closer to hear more of the younger girl's murmurs.

Jinsoul gets all that she wants and more when she rakes her fingertips over Jungeun’s back, the fabric of her shirt not doing much to cushion the way she shivers when Jinsoul runs them over her spine. Jungeun’s on edge, and the sound that escapes her this time around is more of a strained mewl that quickly gets swallowed by a gasp when Jinsoul tilts her head suddenly and takes Jungeun’s lower lip in between her own.

Jungeun is stuck in between trying to take back some control or just letting Jinsoul have her way with her. Both prospects are equally enticing so she settles on the middle ground by moving her hands from around Jinsoul’s jaw to the back of her head, fingers threading through blonde hair, and scratching at the base of her skull.

Jinsoul hums, approving of the action before deepening the kiss further. Unsurprisingly, Jungeun tastes sweet, but it's not the kind of sweetness she was expecting. There’s a mellow, subdued flavour behind the taste of Jungeun’s vanilla lip balm; something deep, like honey mixed with something fruity.

Jinsoul doesn't have much of a liking for sweet and sugary tastes, but she quickly decides that Jungeun is her favorite flavour in the world and goes in for seconds. She takes another tentative swipe at the flesh in between her teeth, as if asking for permission. Jungeun allows, but it takes a merest of brushes of the tips of their tongues for Jungeun to fist at the roots of Jinsoul’s hair, stifling another gasp and pulling away.

Jinsoul chases after Jungeun almost immediately. They’ve both waited too long for this and she just wants to make up for all the time they’ve lost. She keeps Jungeun from backing away by moving a hand to the middle Jungeun’s back and keeps her steady.

Jinsoul barely has a month left till graduation and she thinks of all the ways to actually savour college with Jungeun in the few weeks she has left. She thinks about all the excuses she could make to sneak Jungeun out of her classes to take her out on impromptu dates or on strolls around campus. She thinks about toting Jungeun around as her actual _girlfriend_ for once and showing her off to her classmates and coworkers. She thinks about surprising Jungeun by skipping work just to take her out for a drive. She thinks about making out in the library, in the backseat of her car, under the bleachers, or on Jungeun's bed with the laptop (carefully) thrown to the side and the movie playing on it long forgotten.

She thinks maybe they could re-visit the swimming pool in the gymnasium too… to take care of some unfinished business.

Jungeun’s mind is busy concentrating on something entirely different. Like how much she likes this assertive side to Jinsoul as she ravishes her lips. She feels free letting Jinsoul’s will prevail over her own and it only encourages her to give even more to the older girl.

Jinsoul’s touch is tender but firm, and she wields it to both adore Jungeun and subdue her. Jungeun on the other hand is a little greedy with the way her hands roam around Jinsoul’s back over the white cotton. How can she not be? When Jinsoul is so unbelievably attractive, so frustratingly patient, and so aggravatingly _popular...._ Can she really be blamed for wanting Jinsoul all to herself? For staring down anyone that _dared_ to get too friendly with her at the party? Or for slipping her hands under Jinsoul’s shirt and raking her fingernails down her abs?

Jinsoul gasps and moves back. Jungeun worries about having crossed a line or moving too fast. There’s a moment of silence, the tension thick enough to be sliced with a knife. 

Jinsoul stares at Jungeun through hazy and hungry eyes, her chest heaving from lack of oxygen as she attempts to control the insatiable heat in her body from consuming her whole. 

She blinks a few times and every time she looks, Jungeun is a step or two closer. Jungeun cups her face again and kisses her deeply, desperately almost. Jinsoul stifles one moan, but she can’t do the same for when Jungeun trails her kisses down and plants a particularly hot and heavy one on her neck.

“J-Jungeun..” she stammers in a strained voice, the need to connect fully without layers of fabric impeding them becoming increasingly difficult to resist.

“Jinsoul.” Jungeun speaks so firmly that it commands Jinsoul’s full attention. She cups her face by the jaw and forces her to look into her eyes.

Jinsoul’s deep eyes are dark, filled to the brim with desire yet she holds back. Jungeun’s gaze is resolute, like that of a girl who knows what she wants.

Right now, Jungeun wants Jinsoul to let go. Right now, Jungeun wants Jinsoul to touch her. Right now, Jungeun wants Jinsoul to love her.

“Take me.” is the request.

Jinsoul opening her arms to embrace her is the answer.

Jungeun lunges forward, making full use of the chance to press their bodies together fully, and retakes Jinsoul’s lips all over again. She whimpers in tandem with the way Jinsoul groans, and suddenly the fervour behind their need to touch and explore each other carries a different meaning altogether - heavier, hungrier and, carnal. A fullness blooms within both of their chests at how much _want_ exists in between them. Neither try to break away again so they resort to sneaking short breaths each time their lips disconnect out of necessity.

She feels Jinsoul push her slightly and she lets her. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where Jinsoul is leading her to but Jungeun only realizes the intended destination when the back of her knees hit Jinsoul’s bed frame.

Jungeun pulls away from the kiss to glance behind her, and when she looks back at Jinsoul, there’s a question swirling around in her eyes.

_Is this okay?_

Jungeun smiles and pecks at her lips.

_Yes, it is._

Jinsoul giggles against her lips and brings her palms to rest on Jungeun’s sides again. She expected that, ready for it even, and rolled her eyes. However, she wasn't ready for Jinsoul lifting her so quickly and with such ease that she squeaked in surprise and instinctively wrapped her limbs around Jinsoul’s upper body.

Jinsoul sneaks one quick little kiss to Jungeun’s cheek before lowering her down halfway as gently as possible, and then letting gravity take its course the rest of the way. Jungeun lands with the smallest of poofs against the mattress. Jinsoul kneels on the edge, resting her hands on either side of Jungeun’s waist, before saying, “I’ve always wanted to do that.”

Jungeun fakes a scoff, “Of course you did.” It’s better than admitting that she’s wanted the same ever since Jinsoul subjected Sooyoung to the same, albeit more aggressive version, action at the training ground a few weeks ago.

She lifts herself off the mattress, tucking a stray golden lock behind Jinsoul’s left ear, before beckoning Jinsoul down to her for another kiss. Gone is the shy and timid Jinsoul Jungeun had to basically beat out of her. This Jinsoul is much more confident and calculated in her moves. She wastes no time in parting Jungeun’s lips with her own and slipping her tongue inside her mouth.

Jungeun could sink into this feeling of Jinsoul’s gentle yet demanding tongue against her own. It feels different than any other kiss she’s ever shared with anyone. Light, like the warm and wet relief of the first summer rain after a long and dry drought.

If Jinsoul were the rain, Jungeun wouldn't mind getting drenched in her. Fittingly, she tastes just like it too.

Jungeun bites back a moan and compensates for it by pulling Jinsoul closer, wanting more of her weight on top of her and more of her scent surrounding her.

Jinsoul’s hands _still_ rest respectfully at her sides and Jungeun hates that she has to actually guide them to her waist for the girl to actually _do_ something. Jinsoul nods against her lips, receiving the message, and Jungeun thinks ‘ _thank god’._ That thought very quickly turns into an ‘ _oh my god’_ when it takes the gentlest of grazes of Jinsoul’s warm fingertips against the skin near the waistband of her shorts for her nerve endings to feel like they’ve just been set on fire.

Jungeun gasps and turns her head side-ways. Jinsoul asks without hesitating, “Is everything okay??” eyebrows arched up so high they might as well disappear into her hairline.

“No--” Jungeun pants, her heart ready to jump out of her chest, “It’s fine-- I just--” she looks at Jinsoul’s worried face, and curls her hands around and behind her neck. Through her pulsepoint, she realizes that Jinsoul’s heart is pretty much in the exact same state. “I’m fine, I swear.”

“Are you sure?” Jinsoul still asks.

“Yeah, I just got a little overwhelmed. It’s been a while.” She explains before kissing her again.

Jinsoul pulls back with a grin on her face, “You’re telling me,” she jokes.

Jungeun doesn't know why or even how, but Jinsoul’s corny and often ill-timed jokes always put her at ease no matter how much she denies it. She allows herself a small laugh and Jinsoul’s smile only grows wider. She lightly slaps at one of her arms and scolds, “Shut up,” before laughing again.

“Hey! You like my jokes, stop acting like you don’t.” Jinsoul complains as Jungeun pulls her closer again.

“I do,” Jungeun hmms a response before kissing her, “It’s just that,” she trails her kisses down to Jinsoul’s neck, “There’s better things you could do with your mouth,” she says before licking a stripe up the sensitive skin.

Jinsoul doesn't need any further encouragement after a signal that clear. She multitasks kissing Jungeun and removing the jacket she was still wearing, Jungeun helping her out of it along the way before letting it drop to the floor. She lowers herself onto Jungeun but it’s a little uncomfortable in their current position, with one of her knees on the edge of the mattress and one foot still on the ground.

Now, Jinsoul could ask Jungeun to reposition themselves on the bed, but where’s the fun in that? She'd rather hear more of Jungeun cackling and screaming as she’s being dragged up the mattress towards the headrest. So, she grabs onto Jungeun’s side and does just that, eliciting the exact response she was looking for with the added bonus of Jungeun kicking her legs about playfully.

Jinsoul climbs onto the bed and straddles one of Jungeun’s legs as soon as her head meets the pillow. Jungeun sits up a little and leans back on her elbows, meeting Jinsoul halfway for a searing kiss. Jinsoul holds onto her face and tries to confirm some suspicions. She turns Jungeun’s head slightly and presses a kiss to the shell of her ear. She watches it turn from pink to deep pink to crimson in a second and her heart swells with joy.

“I knew it,” she says as if she had just unearthed the world’s biggest secret.

“Shut up,” Jungeun groans.

Jinsoul smiles as she brushes the red and warm earlobe with the pad of her thumb. She leans down again, this time taking a bit of the shell in between her lips and sucking on it. She slowly lowers Jungeun back down onto the mattress and presses her weight onto her, both of them releasing a content sigh at the contact. 

Jungeun tries her best to not moan against the feeling of Jinsoul’s lips against her sensitive ear. She does it by biting onto her own lips and fisting at the fabric of Jinsoul’s shirt near her waist. After a moment she realizes she can actually return the favour from her current position by hiking Jinsoul’s shirt up to her midriff and languidly running her nails along her sides.

Jinsoul’s breath hitches against Jungeun’s ear, and she actually has the audacity to scold her for it, “You’re teasing.”

Jungeun is appalled, “Me?? I’m teas--” but her protest is swallowed before she could even finish voicing it when Jinsoul presses their open mouths together.

Jinsoul takes her time with each flick and swipe, she’s more than content to spend ages exploring every corner of Jungeun’s mouth before moving her kisses anywhere else. Meanwhile Jungeun is starting to lose patience; there’s just so many other places where she needs Jinsoul’s attention and touch, and she feels like she might explode if it doesn't happen any time soon.

Then, Jungeun has an idea. Without warning, she hikes one of her knees up, and her thigh hits and rubs against Jinsoul in the last area where she needed any kind of contact. Jinsoul shudders and whimpers at the same time, she disconnects from Jungeun’s mouth but grabs onto her arms instead to keep herself steady, “F-fuck,” she groans, her face contorted so badly like she might just burst into tears.

Jungeun almost feels sorry for her. _Almost_ being the keyword here. “That’s what you get for calling me a te--”

She gulps down the rest of her retort when Jinsoul looks down at her with nothing but pure unadulterated lust in her eyes. There’s a carnal, near predatory glint in them that causes the hair on Jungeun’s arms and the back of her neck to rise. Jinsoul pierces her with that gaze and Jungeun sees no other option but to submit to her will. 

Jinsoul forgos kissing her on the lips when she leans back down again, keeping her attention focused on the throbbing pulse point in Jungeun’s neck. She sneaks little bites wherever she can and Jungeun just wants to evaporate. Jinsoul prods at Jungeun’s thigh with her knee to make room for herself in between her legs. Jungeun lets her and tries to keep up with Jinsoul’s newfound aggression she’d manage to unlock like some type of Pandora’s box. The grip on her arms is starting to feel a little uncomfortable but she ignores it, it was through a fault of her own anyways.

She tilts her head to give Jinsoul better access, and the moan she had been fighting so hard against finally escapes her when Jinsoul rolls her hips into her own. She doesn't miss the way Jinsoul smirks against her skin or the way it makes a near unbearable jolt of electricity to run up her spine.

Jungeun’s breathing picks up pace, natural considering the circumstances. However, she can’t understand why her body is seizing up or why her throat suddenly feels so tight all of a sudden. She tries to gulp down the feeling but it only creates a painful strain from her neck all the way to her lungs.

Jinsoul nips lightly at her collarbone and it makes Jungeun’s blood run cold all of a sudden. Jinsoul’s touch isn't warm anymore, it’s hard and callous, and everywhere Jinsoul’s fingers graze her feels like needles piercing into her. Jungeun tenses up under what was once a comfortable weight on top of her, airways constricting so badly she was beginning to find it difficult to breathe for all the wrong reasons.

Jinsoul picks up on Jungeun struggling under her, and raises her head from Jungeun’s neck to look at her and her heart wrenches painfully. Jungeun’s eyes are clamped shut, tears escaping from the seams and some still hanging onto her eyelashes.

“Jungeun?” Jinsoul asks in an alarmed whisper, “What’s wrong?” She tries to touch her face but the younger girl turns away from her.

“We don’t have to do this...” Jinsoul tries to console her despite how distressed she’s becoming herself, “It’s okay, Jungeun, please..” She lowers herself again to wrap the younger girl into a hug but Jungeun tenses up even more and puts her arms in between them. Jungeun tries to speak through laboured breaths and soft cries and all Jinsoul can make out from the mumbles is a flurry of “please” and “sorrys” and “I can't”.

“It’s okay, please look at-.” 

Jungeun shakes her head vigorously, eyes still shut tightly because opening them would make what she was going through all the more real. Jinsoul was right there, and her presence wasn’t bringing her any comfort or security, her voice wasn’t soothing her, and her touch wasn't doing anything to take her pain away. It was only adding to and creating fresher, rawer agonies for her. It was the worst thing that could happen to her, to either of them, and most poignantly, to Jinsoul.

“Sweetie-"

Maybe things would’ve been different if Jinsoul hadn't said that. Maybe Jungeun could have waited out the panic attack if Jinsoul had just kept holding onto her. And maybe Jungeun wouldn't have been forced to open her eyes if Jinsoul hadn't used that pet-name, the very same one that her ex would use to coax her into sleeping with him. 

Because Jinsoul isn't Jinsoul when Jungeun opens her eyes. She tries desperately to convince herself with each blink through blurred vision that the person she was sharing a bed with was the Jinsoul that cared for and protected her, not the person who used and tormented her. When her vision finally clears, so does the image of the person in front of her, and it isn't the one Jungeun was hoping for.

With a strangled wail, Jungeun pushes what was supposed to be Jinsoul off of her with all the strength she could muster. Jinsoul scrambles to give Jungeun some space and to hold on to her at the same time. 

Jungeun leaves the dorm with an urgency of a helpless animal making an escape. She doesn't spare Jinsoul a second glance as she does. Jinsoul’s hands shake as she fixes her shirt and slips on a pair of shoes. She hastily follows after Jungeun but she’s nowhere to be seen. Jinsoul searches for her for hours, asking anyone still awake about her whereabouts, but it’s like Jungeun had disappeared into thin air.

Jinsoul comes back to her room and tries to call Jungeun but her phone rings from where it was left to charge on the table.

“Shit.” Jinsoul curses under her breath. She rakes a shaky hand through her hair in worry and slumps to the ground.

She just hopes Jungeun is safe.

-

Jungeun spends her night at Heejin's dorm and returns to her own early next morning. She had managed to conceal most of the symptoms of her delirium by the time she knocked at Heejin's door, and if her classmate noticed anything, she didn't say a word. 

She doesn’t catch a wink of sleep all night. This was the first attack in months and she had to bear it without Jiwoo.

 _Jinsoul…_ Jungeun couldn't bring herself to think of the older girl without guilt bubbling up in her chest. She's back at square one, lost in between worrying for herself or for Jinsoul. Jungeun tries to shrug the images out of her mind, wanting to focus on separating the demons unfortunately still residing there. She just needs to get back to her room, have Jiwoo hold and console her. She’ll work up the strength to face Jinsoul again when her mind is in less of a disarray.

Jungeun quickly punches her code in. She turns the handle and addresses the air, “Jiwoo, I’m really sorry I meant to--”

What she doesn't expect is the source of her misery to be staring back at her as soon as she enters through the door. Jinsoul lifts her head from her palms from where she was sitting on Jiwoo's bed. Her eyes puffy and bloodshot from not having slept all night herself. She rises to her feet and Jungeun feels the room shrink in on herself.

_No… Not you…_

“Jungeun, are you okay??” She knows it comes from a place of concern but Jinsoul’s tone is too demanding and her voice is too loud for her current state.

“I was worried sick--” Jinsoul continues, anguished, “You just _left_ \-- and your phone was still in my room. You could've gotten hurt or lost, a--and I looked and I tried everything but I couldn't...” 

Jungeun drones her out when her head begins to spin, the violent beating of her heart in her chest and her skull making her feel nauseous and lightheaded. She keeps her head down and arms close to her sides, involuntarily turning sideways as if trying to hide from Jinsoul.

“Jungeun, say something...” Jinsoul asks desperately.

Jungeun can’t muster up a response, she doesn’t have the strength for it. Not when she can still feel the leftover anxiety from last night so viscerally that her bones are tingling with it. 

“Please…”

In hindsight, Jinsoul should've been more like her usual patient self. She should've cared more about what Jungeun wanted to say rather than what she wanted to hear. But we're not ourselves when we're too afraid and too distressed to catch ourselves before overreacting.

For the first time ever, Jinsoul raises her voice at Jungeun, “SAY SOMETHING.”

It was a last ditch desperate attempt to fix things, but it comes out angrier and more caustic than she expected or even wanted. Jinsoul knows she’s in the wrong when Jungeun flinches badly, and backs away from her till she hits the wall behind her.

“No-- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to--” Jinsoul tries to amend her outburst but she only makes it worse by moving closer. Jungeun feels like she’s being passed through a metal grater, abraded and torn apart with each word Jinsoul says to her even if she isn’t the one to blame.

Jungeun slides down the wall, all the while avoiding looking at the distraught blonde in front of her. In an attempt to shield herself, she brings her knees to her chest and rests her forehead against them to hide her tears.

“Please…” Jungeun begs weakly for everything to stop, and asks for the only person that could bring her some kind of peace, “Please, Jiwoo…”

Jinsoul mimics her position on the floor and kneels before her, “Jiwoo just left to get some water,” she explains, and it does little to placate Jungeun’s state as she tries to hide her face behind her hair, “She’ll be right back.”

Jinsoul reaches out to tuck Jungeun’s hair behind her ear like she always does. But her hand pauses mid-air when Jungeun mumbles her next words, “Please… not you… I can’t..”

“...What do you mean?”

If Jungeun had asked for time, Jinsoul would have waited. If Jungeun had asked for space, Jinsoul would have accommodated. If Jungeun had asked for help, Jinsoul would have provided. If only she had asked for those things instead of the words that she ended up whispering into the space between them.

“You remind me too much of him.”

If words could ever be compared to a weapon, then it would be at this moment. Even though she doesnt mean for them to, Jungeun’s words not only cut at Jinsoul but the ends of the bridge she had built where she was waiting for Jungeun to meet her halfway. She holds onto the rails for dear life, but it's of little use as she’s plunged into the darkness below her, along with her hopes for the life that was suddenly ripped away from her.

Jinsoul waits on her knees for Jungeun to take back those words in an explanation that never comes, for Jungeun to say that everything will be okay and hold her in a hug that never comes. She even hopes that maybe all of this is some twisted joke and Jungeun would laugh and tell her that the prank is over and Jinsoul would forgive her instantly. 

But when none of those things happen, she’s left with nothing but the realization that she herself had been the source of the pain she wanted to take away from Jungeun and that Jungeun was turning both her and the promises she had yet to make away.

“You can’t...” Jinsoul speaks through quivering lips. She clutches at the air in between them in a desperate attempt to hold on to the future that was no longer hers, “You can't do this...” No longer theirs.

The human body goes into shock and loses consciousness when pain becomes too much to bear, maybe things would've turned out differently if that had happened to Jinsoul. Instead, the pain in Jinsoul’s throat and chest transform into nothing but a hollow numbness. The empty feeling settles in her chest like rocks at the bed of an ocean and it weighs her down. The fatigue she had kept at bay for months finally crashes over her like waves against a cliff, and she lets the waves erode her and wash her away because she doesn't have the strength to stand up to them anymore.

Jinsoul breathes and it hurts her, “You can’t...” She speaks and it hurts her.

Jungeun was her strength and hope, she had been for almost a year. Without her, Jinsoul had nothing. 

With a heavy push and an even heavier heart, Jinsoul makes it to her feet to say what she dreads to be her final words to the girl she had begun to recognize as her home.

“I’m sorry for hurting you.” 

She says them in a voice so numb and so dejected that it almost sounds inhuman _._ It forces Jungeun to look at her, “N-no wait-” but Jinsoul has already started walking away and she’s deaf to Jungeun's meek whispers because of the blood roaring against her eardrums..

Jinsoul walks out of the room but to Jungeun it feels like she’s walking out of her life. Jinsoul shrugs off Jungeun's pleas to stay and to listen and it feels like dried thorns against skin, tearing and lacerating her with each step Jinsoul takes away from her. 

  
  


-

  
  


“So I guess that’s it then.” Sooyoung dusts her hands after taping up the last of her moving boxes.

Jiwoo looks at her from where she’s sitting on Sooyoung’s bed. Well, former bed? Considering her side of the room has been cleared off. All her possessions packed up and stuffed into the various cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other along the wall opposite to her.

 _The opposite wall…_ It’s all that remained of Jinsoul’s side of the dorm room after she moved out earlier than expected roughly a month ago. Although it didnt make it any less painful, the move wasn't exactly unanticipated considering the circumstances. Jiwoo sighs, loaded with regret and hurt, at the picture Sooyoung had painted of their once bubbly ex-professor

Mourning. That’s what Sooyoung had called it. That Jinsoul needed time to process what had happened. That Jinsoul could only take so much after being abandoned by her parents, and now reliving the same hollowness of an old wound reopened so terribly by what had transpired between her and Jungeun. That’s it’d be better for them to be left to their own devices and for her and Jiwoo to not interfere in their business anymore.

But could busying yourself in work to the unhealthy degree that Jinsoul had done even be classified as “processing”, let alone healthy? Was keeping Jinsoul and Jungeun apart even the correct measure? Or was it Sooyoung refusing to see Jungeun out of spite for breaking her best friend's heart for the second time?

Jiwoo tried to get Sooyoung to see reason, but she reconsidered after Jungeun broke down all over again when she saw Jinsoul for the last time on her graduation day. With her hair now black and parted beautifully down the middle, she looked more breathtaking than ever. It only brought on a fresh wave of regret for both her and Jungeun… and Jiwoo saw no other option but to agree that maybe it was best for all of them to move on.

Jungeun isn't doing so well. Her days are a blur and she drops in and out of periods of clarity and delirium frequently. Jiwoo had managed to convince her, and Jungeun had agreed to seek help and they lined up a few appointments. She often stares at her empty palms, as if they carried nothing but the guilt of letting the love of her life slip through her fingers.

“Yeah.. I guess it is..” she replies

Jiwoo is devastated because she tried, she did the best she could. And she knows that if her two friends tried harder, maybe they'd also see the red string of fate that connects Jinsoul's right hand to Jungeun's left.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah.. if you reading this that means you haven't thrown your device away out of anger. I don't know how many of you guys are aware of this, but this series as a whole has been designed around a very particular scene in what will be the "real" part 5, and some very important conversations lipsoul will have in part parts 5 and 6.
> 
> For the past few months, I've been trying to figure out a way to rearrange the plot overall with a happier ending for part 3 but it would've cost me the main theme of the series i-e communication and intimacy.
> 
> I just wanna say that I'm really sorry but this is how part 3 was always meant to end... and it was also foreshadowed pretty heavily not just in part 3 itself but also back in part 1. I've grown to love these characters so much, and it's very difficult for me to write them in pain.. trust me, this ending hurts me a lot more than it does you.
> 
> I know this fic is really precious and close to the hearts of certain readers, it's the same for me and it's why I wrote part 4 with family OEC so early on. I've never wanted to keep you guys in suspense or agony because I've already made it very clear that this AU's lipsoul do get together, and once they do, they don't let go of each other no matter what. The question has always been a "when" and a "how" and never an "if". You have to keep in mind, that this couple have the literal rest of thier lives to look forward to, this was just the beginning.
> 
> Take a breath. This couple looks on this night as just a little blip that got in the way when the process it together. They're gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine.
> 
> I hope you have a good day, I hope MSD and FMB Lipsoul updates will be happier than this and keep the nation from hurting too much. I hope you guys stick around for when LipSoul meet each other again after a little gap. Let's see each other in the healing arc!
> 
> And I know you guys probably think I don't deserve to say this anymore but it's my series and my movement so #StopLipSoulAngst2020
> 
> Here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/ekeilips), I'll try my best to reassure and console you.


End file.
